A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. Nonsense. What you wear does not define your choices in life. And nobody is forcing anyone to wear Victoria’s Secret products. This guy is acting like his daughter will inevitably wearing this. As if she doesn’t have a choice. Guess what she does. Not surprised author is a priest. Get with it. Dumb article.

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  2. Thank you for speaking out on this. My ministry for teen girls took a stand a week ago and launched a campaign called “Our Daughters Deserve Better” in response to V.S., Seventeen Magazine and others like them. I’m sharing my article link with you because it includes a link to a report filed by the American Psychological Association (APA) about the sexualization of young girls. This report is very informative and backs up what many of us concerned parents are saying. For those who dismiss our views from a Christian perspective, this APA report is irrefutable.
    Here is the article: http://thewhatevergirls.com/2013/03/18/our-daughters-deserve-better-campaign/

    Thank you again-how wonderful to have a father stand up for his daughter.

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  4. I am officially boycotting VS. I have two daughters, 3 and 5, and the idea of VS marketing to them in middle school sexy undergarments is sick. I know a lot of the comments above refer to just not purchasing the items for your child and that will fix it. I guess none of them ever were dropped off at the mall with their allowance and 5 of their best girlfriends. I was. I could have easily bought VS ‘sexy’ undergarments with my friends. I was raised by a very involved single mother, but she could not be everywhere at all times, nor can any parent(s). I think the culture we live in is just full of sex, sex before marriage, sexy image, sex as a casual encounter, etc. I am so tired of it. I feel very empowered to tell VS right where they can put their “Bright Young Things” collection….in the trash, right by my subscription to their magazine and VS credit card.

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  5. BRAVO!!!!!! As a mother of 7 daughters and 3 sons…. I totally agree with you…. Sex and sexy clothes have there place…. and it is certainly “not” on little girls, young ladies, or even women…. it belongs in the bedroom……. where adults are !!!!! Thanks for posting this great letter… We need more “real men” to stand up for issues like this…. !!!!

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  6. Thank you for writing this letter! This is well written and both my wife and I agee with you completely. Hopefully action and a change of heart will take place within this company’s leadership!

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  7. I have never been as shocked as I was one Christmas when I was in Victoria Secret standing in a long line to buy a Christmas present for my sister in law (lotion she liked) and I looked around. The number of young teen-aged boys obviously buying undergarments for their girlfriends totally floored me.

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  8. Yea! Way to admit that you have absolutely no control over your daughter compared to an advertisement campaign by an underwear store that you probably won’t let your daughter go near.

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  9. makes me think of a time when people were dressing their little girls like Madonna. why would we purchase items like lingerie, Madonna and such, as part of our girls wardrobes? i don’t get it.

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  10. I respectfully disagree. Some of the sayings are inappropriate, yes. But, it’s also in good fun. I grew up with a strict mom, and there were a lot of things that I was never allowed to wear. I did have girly underwear, though. My mother knew that she raised me right, that what I did choose to wear, whether it be clothes or underwear, would never make me question my self worth. It never did. If parents are raising their daughters to have the same values, to an extent, it shouldn’t matter what these girls wear UNDERNEATH their jeans. No one will be seeing their undergarments. Those sayings, like wild, are only what you make of it. When I bought a pair of underwear that had some lace on it, it made me feel confident. If my underwear said cute on the butt, then hey, I’m wearing it cause I’m cute. It’s the same as wearing your favourite outfit, you feel good when you wear it. And honestly, when I did buy underwear like that. I never thought that I needed to show it to a boy, my first thought was to tell my best friend that I got some cute new underwear while I was shopping.

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  11. I don’t believe he is talking about the store in general. He’s talking about Victoria’s Secret launching a brand specific to young teens. If your daughter’s undergarments fit better than other stores, so be it. He is not implying you not shop there. The message is “please don’t brand a certain line for young people”. It’s the encouragement of the undergarments that will become available, not what the store sells to adults.

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  14. You should probably not allow your daughter to wear those under garments and really express to her how you feel about this because in reality if you raise your kids right and have a presence in their lives they will not stray from your teaching, in fact they will respect you and them selves enough not to wear these things or think that their self worth comes from under garments and they will not want to wear these under garments. You cannot control a corporate business. Victoria’s Secret has a right to run their business the way they want. You really need to stay in your lane and bring up your children the way they should go as it reads in the bible.

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  17. Nicely said! The values and beliefs we want our children to see in our society are slowly disappearing. There are many tv programs, music and advertisements that are constantly attracting the attention of our children and I would like to see a full circle back to the shows that were of high quality. The shows that raised peoples standards and held them accountable for their actions. As a society we need to make these large companies aware – we are no longer going to support products that degrade or demoralize our weakest and most vulnerable and definitely most precious! ~~ OUR CHILDREN!

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  18. I appreciate your letter. As the mother of a twelve-year-old girl, I know that it is MY responsibility to teach my daughter how to remain pure and modest until marriage. Allowing her in a Victoria’s Secrets store will not happen and she will not be purchasing suggestive and risqué clothing, jewelry, books, movies, etc. Why? Because I love my daughter dearly and recognize that her true happiness and success in life centers on following God’s call for purity, modesty, discipline, and focus.

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  19. My daughters hate clothes shopping because the Juniors’ dept of most stores is full of trashy looking clothes (that I grew up seeing on hookers, frankly). I didn’t think it could get much worse than that, but VS has proven me wrong. I stopped shopping there years ago, when their window displays just got too slutty to be tolerated, even though their nylons were my favorite. Sexualizing pre-pubescent children in the name of corporate profits is utterly beyond the pale.

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  20. I’m not a mother yet and I like Victoria secret but for middle school Girls (that is already awkward enough I don’t want to add a thong ridding up my butt to the mix). In my opinion celebrities have said that its ok to look like a prime Madonna at only age 10 and have an attitude of a 20 year old. No little kids need to be innocent like they are suppose to be cuz sickos are still out there and a little girl in a short skirt with “call me” thongs on will really send a bad message to them. And you are an amazing father thinking about the future ahead of time cuz to me it’s looking like when your three year old is my age (19) there will be even LESS clothes for the youth.

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  21. Oki so what I’m trying to say is, little girls need to stay innocent till they are old enough to support themselves and be able to pay for there own clothes (19-up age group)

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  22. There is NO maybe: our culture objectifies women and does not give young girls any other message in such insidious, far-reaching ways as it does the one that says you are here to please men.

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  25. To be honest, I actually don’t have a problem with my teenage daughter wearing, beautiful undergarments, even a thong (they hide panty lines). I like pretty undergarments, and did as a teenager too- wearing these things didn’t make me promiscuous.. I wore these for me and they covered by beautiful parts.

    I am a Christian as well. I find that alot of Christians give our children the message that sex is bad and that they’re bare bodies are bad too. I will not teach my children this way. Sex is an amazingly beautiful thing in the appropriate context and our bodies are wonderful as well. Christians need to find some balance in the sexuality message we send our children. There is a MAJOR difference between beauty and sleazy and I feel like VS is majorly being over the top sleazy and sexualized. I think that VS could successfully do this line if they rethought it and did make it age appropriate.

    I do also agree with the vast majority of responders that we need to teach our children values at home. My children will not be able to date until 16. I want school to be the focus. My daughter is told almost DAILY how beautiful and precious and smart and funny and creative she is so that she doesn’t look for this love and acceptance in a boy. My son is ALSO taught how beautiful and precious and smart and funny and creative he is so he doesn’t look for this love in a girl and that women are to be valued and respected as he would his sister or mother.

    The problem parents face so often, is that our children actually see things outside the home, they’re not caged animals and they DO have their own minds and opinions. I would implore VS to rethink this line and maybe use it as a way to cherish and even celebrate our daughter’s beauty versus exploiting it.

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  26. I’m sorry… But what middle school aged child is allowed to buy their underwear the VS to begin with? Not allowed to work yet so the only income they have is from their parents. When I was that age I did all my shopping with my mom and we never went their for MY underwear. Not until I was in high school at the least

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  28. Thank you.

    Victoria’s Secret has an equal opportunity to promote conservative, age appropriate under-garments, but they choose to objectify young girls instead?!? Shameful!!!

    When I was a young girl, I was still playing with my friends, not posting half naked photos of myself on Facebook. We need to stand up for young people, and let them know that it’s alright to just be a kid.

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  29. It’s s amazing to me that some people think there is no connection between what a girl or woman wears and crimes committed against women/girls. Sure, crimes and inappropriate behavior will occur no matter what a person is wearing, but why advertise your sexuality in such provocative ways if you don’t want the sexual attention? The words “easy access” comes to mind when I see teenagers and young women wear dresses that should just be considered long blouses with no leggings or hose of any sort. When they sit down or get up, nothing is left to the imagination. I would suggest that parents not allow the purchase or wearing of provocative or sexy attire for their children and explain the likely dangers to their reputations and personal safety. VS continues to push the envelope and appeal to younger and younger girls, but if pressed they would pretend they see no connection between their business practices and the sexual exploitation and abuse of children.

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  31. The pendulum is always swinging. All you can do is reduce the degree by which it swings. Society is full of indulgences that appeal to our senses. Large companies market at those levels. Wether it is sugar, alcohol, fashion, heighten intensity/amplitude ( the degree by which the pendulum swings) exists if you don’t know how to reduce it. Teach your children a little is ok but excessive is destructive in all things. Make them aware of the immediate downside to things. i.e.. if they are consumed by being liked for beauty they are detracting from being liked for brains.

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  32. Sadly, to Victoria’s Secret, they aren’t daughters and little girls. They are just a “segment”…a quantified demographic of their target market.

    Marketers like Victoria’s Secret rarely create markets…they aren’t smart enough. But they are callous enough to see an existing trend…the sexification of our pre-teen girls…and work to capitalize on it. “Hey, we’re not making young girls want to be sexy. The music industry and media are doing that. Someone has to make money on it…why not us??”

    Victoria’s Secret is yet one more mirror of the sad reality of our society: a loss of moral compass and a complete lack of protection of our young people’s youth and innocence.

    It begins and ends with parenting. Our first job is to protect our children…protect them from anything that places them at risk. The problem is that we think locks on the doors do that. But protecting them from darkness in their hearts and poor decisions is a much bigger issue and need. And you, Evan, are doing a nice job keeping things in balance. Thanks for the reminder.

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  33. Whether you buy these garments for your young daughters or no – whether you instill solid self esteemed/self respect in them or no – if we allow this to be advertised and available it is yet another message to all girls and boys that its ok to hypersexualize young girls. I have been dealing for YEARS with men in the workplace who have objectified me (and others). I have a strong sense of worth – but I am tired of dealing with others who weren’t taught correctly. Must my young daughter start to suffer this in others even earlier than I did?!?!?! It makes me angry!

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  34. I do agree that the state of girls is being over sexualized; however, I think it is dumb to make women and girls feel bad about their bodies and the way they look. VS does sell lingerie, but they also sell underwear and bras that can dramatically change a women’s outlook on herself. When I put on my well-fitting bra and my matching panties, I don’t do it so others can see or approve. I do it because it makes me feel a little better about myself. I feel sexier and more womanly. Something that makes me empowered, not slutty. And for young girls in middle school, finding bras and underwear that fit correctly can be a huge challenge, especially if those girls are bigger busted than other. At least with the line, these girls can get cute, young, and colorful bras and panties that reflect the carefree age they are at. Not like it was when I was a DD as a middle schooler and all I had to choose from was beige, wide strapped, no underwire bras from department stores.

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  35. Shame on you Victoria’s Secret! Keep your Secret! What are you thinking…… what are you telling these young girls. “call me” “feeling lucky” for real? If you were smart you would stop this line from launching.

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  36. I totally agree with this father I have a granddaughter who will turn three in few short months and shutter to think what this world we live in is going to be. Victoria Secret you would be sending the wrong message. It is extremely difficult to be a parent today and this kind of help we don’t need.

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  37. For anyone who doesn’t see a problem with VS marketing something like this, let me fill you in on a few things. Yes, parents make the choice of whether or not to purchase something like this for their daughters. However, the larger problem is, VS is choosing to market a product which teaches young women, whether they purchase/wear the product or not, that their only value is connected to their sexuality. The product does not have to be purchased to be seen and talked about – both by men and women. When products such as this are marketed – by VS, Wal-Mart, or whomever else, they send the message that the only thing that is valued in a woman is her sexuality. To say that this is dangerous is putting it mildly. Do you really want your 12 year old to think that if she is to be valued, then she has to be sexually available (or at least say that she is)? Or if she is going to make a fashion statement, that statement has to be about her sexuality? Lovely. I always wanted 12-year-olds telling me how “available” they are. VS should be ashamed of themselves. Marketing something like this is nothing less than criminal.

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    • Love your comment and as a mother of two young sons I am struggling to teach my sons the value of intelligence over looks, this does not help?
      It’s called underware for a reason. VS should consider the pressure this also put on young men who have been taught substance over style (?).

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  38. Well said. When I was young underware had the days of the week on them and I succeeded in getting Sunday right most of the time. Underware with messages to other people on it does not empower girls nor does it make them independent or strong. As a grown woman I don’t need to send any messages from my underpants to feel sexy that comes from being intelligent, knowledgeable, and kind.
    As a mother of two young boys, it is super important to me that my sons understand that girls are attractive because of who they are not what’s on their underpants.
    Afterall, it’s called underware not outer ware and it is up to us as parents to help our children to define who they are and what they believe and not to focus on outer appearance.
    I applaud your letter and concur wholeheartedly with your letter to Victoria Secret, STOP!
    Nikki- Artistspromenade.com

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  39. Reverend Dolive & fellow commentors,

    Someone has lied to you all. Upon hearing of such filth, I proceeded to search for more articles on the internet. Not much came up other than a few blog items – with nary a link to the purported filth. So I then proceeded to Victoria’s Secret website. I found the Spring Break collection of Bright Young Things. No lingerie with sexual innuendo. It was tank tops, beach blankets, and bikinis. And while the bikinis were the sort of thing I would never allow for my daughter to wear, they are no more scandalous than any other bikini you can find in almost any other store.

    We most certainly live in an age where everything seems to be sexualized. But as responsible, vigilant people, maybe we should look into something first for ourselves before we lunge at the throats of others. Either Rev. Dolive is passing lies in an effort to drum up some righteous anger or he is guilty of ignorantly casting stones at a company based on rumors he had heard but failed to substantiate for himself.

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    • thank you!!! this is basically a letter that has been written 100’s of times already by some christman man or christian father that is intended to go viral.

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  40. I agree with the Dad, and feel that too much pressure is put on the young girls today to grow up too fast. They never seem to be children any more. But, I also agree that the parents do have to take them to the Mall, and that is where they get the money to spend from the parents, so they should be stepping up and saying no. Peer pressure is terrible and I am glad I am not a parent of young people now. Would probably be in trouble for trying to do what I thought is best.

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  41. It’s all about SEX, SEX, SEX, these days and I’m sick of it. I’m not a parent but I know the story of a young college student, dressed very provocatively who was very well endowed, very naieve being on her own for the first time, and got raped. Her whole world was turned upside down and she is now a mental/emotional mess. Our society condones provactively dressed women everywhere all the time. It is the “norm”. Some men in the business place don’t want to see “dress codes” because they like to see cleavage. I know of an instance where the idea of a dress code was presented and the HR Director said “it won’t pass”. Our society needs to make changes on this issue and this is a good place to start. Thanks, for the post.

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    • thank you for perpetuating the lie that women get raped if they are dressed provocatively. There is no cause and effect. There is a mentally sick man who preys on women whether they are dressed provocatively or in sweats running through the park. come on.

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  42. Although I totally believe that VS launching a line geared towards this audience is wrong, the whole issue comes down is parents/adults not wanting to believe that young girls start finding their sexuality at around this age and what comes with that is the want to dress up their figure and experiment with vitality. They aren’t victims to an over-sexualized society, its evolutionary natural for girls to want to be sexy. However Its sick that VS wants to capitalize on this and in no way is necessary for a healthy transition into adolescence but you need to think back to when you were in middle school(12/13) and beginning to experience attraction/interest in opposite sex peers. Was it all that far fetched to want to experiment with your look? Lingerie I think is seen as an expression of vitality by young girls and VS shouldn’t be taking advantage of this. However on the flip side, when your 13 year old son hits up the gym and walks around wearing under-armour tanks, He’s essentially displaying the homologous act of “vitalizing” himself, but know ones got a problem with that because his sexual existence doesn’t play into the double standard we put on women in this society. To conclude I think parents and adults should make the hard realization that yes, they’re pre adolescent children and daughters want into build the foundation of their sexual existence at this tender(more so awkward)transitional point in development, but by providing them with the skills and support to make good choices during adolescence will send a message that yes, I can choose to dress up my body for my own personal expression, but I’m not doing so as an invitation for sex(at this stage at least)

    pheew! just dropped some debate!

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  44. As a former employee of VS, I just wanted to put my two cents in. I really and truly never suffered from body image issues as a teenager. My parents were fair in their definition of “appropriate clothing” and that’s what we wore. When friends cried on the scale because they thought they were fat, I thought they were crazy, because who cares? It wasn’t until I was 7 months pregnant with my first child and working for VS that my self image issues started to come on. I had no idea they were coming, they started and I didn’t catch it in time to notice. It broke my heart to see such young girls coming in to purchase items that were completely inappropriate for their age, and even telling us stories of how they were supposed to be at a friends house for the weekend, but they were buying these items to show their boyfriend on their secret getaway with their boyfriend. (We are talking as young as 13 and 14!) I watched the boys come in and snicker at the mannequins, and even heard twice boys saying (at the completely covered mannequin wearing PINK sweats) that “If that’s what she’s wearing on top, you KNOW what she’s wearing underneath.” Employees receive free and discounted products as they are released and are expected to use them in order to give testimony to sell them, but as each product came out my self esteem wore down more and more. My boobs must be too saggy if I am supposed to use this product to make them perky again, right? Or because I’m supposed to wear this Ultimate Push Up bra to work, right? It wasn’t until I left the company I realized the number on my self esteem that being constantly surrounded by marketing like this had done. In the store it was marketed to the employees that we are empowering women, to give them what they need to have good self esteem and confidence and make them feel beautiful. When, in fact, every time I walk past that store now, 7 years later, thoughts of what it was like working there pound my brain and make me sick to my stomach.

    I have since had to find other stores that provide high quality undergarments (because I will admit, VS, definitely made high quality stuff) and have found Macy’s JC Penny, and Gap Body to be good alternatives. I personally will never take my children to VS to find bras or underwear. If being around this type of marketing affected a happily married, college educated, up-until-then confident woman so drastically, what will it do to our children, who are still so impressionable at this age?

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  45. Don’t buy them and if your tween does then confiscate and mail them back to VS with a note saying ” Stop trying to turn my daughter in to a slut!”

    Girls under the age of 18 don’t need underwear intended for sexually active adults.

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  46. I’m 19 now, but I remember my middle school days all too well. The first time we had to change in gym class around all the other 13 year old girls was a personal nightmare. Worrying about whether or not my underwear was perceived as cool was a very real part of my life, but I wish it didn’t have to be. I totally agree with Rev. Evan. I think it’s wrong that Victoria’s Secret exploits the insecurities of girls like me for a profit. Sadly they do have a very real and powerful influence on young girls, and it shouldn’t be used to make us feel worse about ourselves starting at an even younger age. If girls want to wear ‘sexy’ things, they have a right to, but with Victoria’s new line, it will probably start feeling like a prerequisite to belonging.

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  47. I am a high school teacher and am 24 year old female, I’m not necessarily “conservative” but this is ridiculous. I agree with this dad. My high school students don’t need to wear those let alone middle school students. Victoria secret is smart for creating a teen line but let’s do it with some class. It’s already hard enough to be a parent, lets not make if more difficult. Show girls that they have more power than they ever have to be what they want and break stereotypes.

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  49. As a 23 year old mother with a two year old daughter and another one on the way I could not agree with this more. I believe my parents choice to raise me with morals and respect about my body has lead to some very positive choices. Yes I may be a young mother, but I have also been with the same man for 5 years and we are currently planning our wedding. I was never “allowed” to wear ‘sexy’ underwear as a teen as I was not an adult and was raised to believe that under garments that were lacey or said things like “call me” or “feeling lucky” were made for grown ups. I was not even allowed to wear low cut tops (was a very chesty teen) or super short skirts. I think its unfortunate that a lot of girls from my generation (and some above and definitely below) don’t see those kinds of clothing as not meant for children or teenagers. I didnt rebel and change cloths at school. I didn’t want people to assume I was a slut or a whore based on what I wore or for any reason. I’m ashamed of my generation and the generations below me. I don’t believe victorias secret should release this line. Its morally wrong and honestly discusting. And just for the record.. I was not raised by crazy religious people. Just good parents who had a sense of how to raise their children with respect and morals.

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  50. You say you want your daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her, yet you think this underwear (which I strongly doubt is a line targeted to teenage girls, I shop there, they have cute undies made for women in general, not for a specific age group) is sending a bad message to girls including your own, and that this needs to change. As a woman, I think it is wrong for anyone, especially men, to be telling women what is and is not ok to wear, it’s OUR choice! If anything you are sending a message here that women are bad if they want to wear anything that YOU think attracts unwanted attention, when in reality women wear things like this to feel cute, or sexy. Men somehow think it is their place to tell women what they can and can’t wear, that their way of dressing needs to change as a form of undeserved punishment; men need to be held accountable for their own actions, how a woman dresses is not hurting anybody and it is a lame excuse that men come up with to justify sexual harassment or assault. Someone who conducts an atrocious behavior such as sexual assault is going to continue their behavior regardless of what women are wearing, because it is not simply an act of desire, it is an act of power domination by someone who makes poor choices, lacks morality, disrespects judicial law, and do not see women equally as human beings with rights.

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