A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. Victoria’s Secret is not the only line to make underwear like this. I have seen other brands at major department stores with similar phrases. PINK is not a line for children, it is for college students and the spring break campaign was aimed at high school aged girls as well. I think parents should be more concerned about all the clothing stores selling provocative clothing their teenage daughters are wearing rather than what is underneath that the boys can’t actually see. The shorts and skirts that barely cover anything, low cut and midriff baring shirts.

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  2. O my. This is not good. I mean no harm to anyone when I say this, but as these new undergarments are to be marketed toward those of middle school age, I have to wonder if a pedophile designed the line, or if the designer actually took his or her daughter’s ideas (most young girls are in a hurry to be grown) and presented them very convincingly as their own. Just because some kids that age are as smart as or smarter than some adults, doesn’t mean we should be rushing them to be adults. What’s the hurry? Why can’t they just be young until they come of age? No, I have no kids, nieces or nephews, young cousins I am worried about, this is an opinion from a completely objective point of view. I have nothing against Victoria’s Secret, I am a frequent customer there for my own needs. I just think that if these ideas for their new line described are in any way accurate, they are heading down the wrong path, quick. Why couldn’t they just have pastels, brights, a few cute patterns, all in soft fabrics with a little lace and ribbon, with a decent amount of coverage? Kids of that age aren’t even old enough to be making the decision to expose that much of their bodies, and their parents shouldn’t encourage them to do so at that age, no matter how cute the miniature versions of the adult line might look on the rack in the store. We hear so much about kids abducted or raped or molested in other ways-true, not all of them are dressed too provocatively for their age and not all perverts go after provocative young females, but I can’t help but think that a pervert knowing the possibility even exists to see something like that on a young female could prompt them to practice bad behavior just to see what they wind up with. Not to even mention young guys learning what a hormonal prepubescent surge is. Things like rape and sexual assault do go on in kids that age too, and all a young female would need is for some other girl to notice what she has on and start telling everyone (like girls that age do), for a young guy to overhear and decide he wants to do something he shouldn’t. Enough dangers and obstacles out here for youths without adding to it.

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  3. I find Victoria’s Secret to be a disgusting show of soft-core porn in a public place already. Now it’s soft-core child porn. Awesome. I am not saying that we should shut down all VS stores, but what drives me insane is when I’m walking through the mall and then I pass the VS store (which, being a mall employee, I have to pass a lot). It’s almost embarrassing, if I look, I know everyone that sees me thinks “PERV!” and if I don’t they think I’m just a sheltered mormon. There’s no winning.

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  4. As a mother to 5 kids, two of them 6 yr old twin girls. A few years back they said they wanted underwear and a bra like what I have. I said no, you are WAY WAY to young for these. What kind of world have we came to in the past 30 years to say Yes let’s make panties and bra’s for toddlers, Yes TODDLER GIRLS. Pretty damn nasty. I do not allow my daughters to wear clothing fix for the adult world. Thank you for sharing the letter. Marketing NEEDS to stay focused on adults and older teens with panties and bras. Not little girls under the age of 13 my opnion.

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  5. It is the responsibility of parents to instill a sense of ethics and morality in their children. However, in attempting to shield our young as we shape them; we also have a right to express our concerns about advertising campaigns and products targeting our children that conflict with our values. Even if they never shop at Victoria’s Secret; the television, internet and magazines will be flooded with images of prepubescent girls displaying their scantilly clad bodies.

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  6. As a fellow Christian and a woman very narrow viewed. I 100% believe that young girls are more than just the clothes we wear and the styles that come and go but to say that all girls who wear “emblazoned undergarments” only care about fitting in or are just trying to be attractive is awful. I think Victoria Secret while have misguided ways of doing things, i think their main goal is to empower women and girls. I think for me I wear Victoria Secret not for anyone else but me. I also don’t really know any girls who look down on other girls because they don’t own VS. I also don’t see how other people would be able to figure out what underwear I was wearing unless I was showing it to other people. If you want your daughter to be a woman of Christ who seeks the Lord’s approval and not mans then you need to teach her that. You need to have faith that your daughter will figure it out herself with the help from God. I also hope your daughters biggest concerns in life isn’t being a doctor/lawyer or what college she is going to because if it is she is missing out on why God put her here which is to bring him ultimate glory.

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  8. sent a message out on Nov 27, 2012 – about Victoria’s Secret magazine/ ads comparing them to Playboy mag. – please read my re-post on my fbf Kim Bauer Hill – author – He’s in the Suitcase – (profile pic) Thank you – sincerely Kim Bauer Hill 3/23/13.

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  9. Pingback: A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father | doltd

  10. What ever happened to telling your child “no”? Isn’t that part of being a responsible parent? Or has being a responsible parent been reduced to writing letters and complaining? If you don’t want your children wearing something then don’t buy it.

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  11. I see a lot of people saying “Well, VS wouldn’t make this line if people weren’t asking for it”

    While that may or may not be true, corporations such as VS and Abercrombie & Fitch are also in the business of pushing the envelope in order to drum up controversy (and therefore sales). To me this smacks of a targeted effort to get people talking – as they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

    I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t talk about it or push back on VS for being so callous with our young children, but to suggest VS is only responding to market pressure is naive.

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  12. The American Women are already considered slut by many countries oh why not start them early! Seriously Victoria Secret has no secret it’s only reason for doing this is money. If the parent’s don’t buy them for the kids Victoria Secret will stop producing them. Now someone said, they purchase they own. I hope they washed them as well, because it the parents wash them those things do disappear in the wash all the time! Let the kids work for their money and see how often they will buy those little things.! For they are pricey

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  13. You could talk to your children about sex and sexuality. Teach them the difference between right and wrong. Spend time with them. Explain the uncomfortable questions they ask you with no prejudice. Turn the TV , computers, phones off and raise them yourself. Or you could spend all your time fighting the things you believe to be wrong and telling yourself its not your fault while your children are wondering why mom or dad never has time to play.

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  14. There is a disturbing trend in age inappropriate clothing for children that persists despite efforts made (in Britain) to rectify the situation.
    T-shirts with things like ‘Porn star in training’, high heeled shoes and bras and thongs all aimed at 4-6 year olds! Channel Four’s Sex Education show ran a campaign to try to shame the guilty companies into withdrawing these items and rethinking their product lines. This has worked in as much as some of the worst items are now gone from shops, but the damage seems to have been done there are still many young girls wearing clothes that are too old for them. Hell, just this week I saw a BIB (!) that said ‘9 months ago mummy read 50 shades of grey’ !! This is NOT RIGHT!

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  15. i have not and will not support buying such undergarments my daughter is 18 if she feels the need to wear these kinds of underwear then she can buy them herself if she was younger i would fully discourage her from following the crowd to please others

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  16. As a father, if you don’t like it – don’t buy it for your children. It’s that simple. Sexy or flirtatious underwear does not demean women or view them as sex objects – it’s something that they can CHOOSE to wear and only those that they CHOOSE to let see it will ever know that they are wearing it. However, after finishing your letter I see that you are a Reverend (I was linked to this page via Facebook) and as such are letting your religious views override logic. Instead of realizing that it is the responsibility of parents to determine what their children do or do not do, you are demanding that everyone should bow to your religious views.

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  17. I agree that this is a disturbing trend but a business will always put profit before your daughter’s well-being. That’s your responsibility and you know it. In your second sentence, you admit three of the four things your daughter loves are products. Think about that. Do you really understand the messages that these commercials packaged as innocent preschool cartoons are sending to your child? JS

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  18. I couldn’t agree more and I am a mom of 3 young boys. I know without a doubt God blessed my with these 3 beautiful boys for a reason and I take the job very serious. It is my job to teach them to respect girls but with today’s society it goes against everything I’m trying to teach them. How am I suppose to teach my sons to respect girls, when the girls are taught not to respect themselves!? I have to say you must of had amazing parents to teach you such high morals and values. This is exactly what I’m fighting to give my sons. Your daughter is very lucky to have a great Dad who is already looking down the road at her future. With all the pressures of today’s society, she is going to do wonderful things because you love and support for her. A father’s love for her daughter is so much stronger than any peer pressure, even through at times it may seem society’s pressures are winning.

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  19. I have two sons, ages 13 & 14. The most disturbing part of this is not only is this line specifically marketed to their female peers, but that their female peers could now be models in the VS catalog. And at what point will this be considered child porn?

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  20. Great letter. Will it make a difference? unfortunately, probably not. They will sell lots of these undergarments. They will be worn to underage parties. Young women will get drunk and raped. young men will go to prison, and no one will take accountability for any of it. Hear what I am saying – I am not blaming the dress; I am blaming the culture which we allow, and encourage, and then act shocked when young teens get in over their heads. I don’t envy you raising your kids in this day and age.

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  21. I am sad to read this. It makes me sick also. However, there are moms and dads out there that will let their daughters buy this or buy it for them. If there was no market for it, it would not sell. Our girls are going to see it at slumber parties and in the locker rooms. We will have to step up and be “the bad guy” by refusing to buy it. Sigh. As a woman, I get that pretty underwear can feel good, but why do we have to have the phrases and skimpy styles for little girls. This new VS line will get no business from our household.
    Lots of great comments here.

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  22. Welcome to the world we live in. Sex sells. Sex is everywhere. Teenage moms are celebrities now and get their own TV show and in reality will amount to nothing in the modern industrialized world.

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  23. That was wonderfully stated, Rev. Evan! As a feminist myself, I often advise the women around me to invest in personality rather than the appearance. Surely physical looks cannot be ignored, to be truthful, albeit what makes a woman (a person, in general) whole is how she respects herself and know who and what she is – her goals, her achievements and her boundaries. Coming from a country whose society must be conscious of moral values, I am quite appalled how kids behave nowadays. In more ways than one, most of what they learn comes from what they see, i.e., TV and other media. I believe that we ought to be more aware of how we would like to rear our children. I commend you on your method.

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  24. Being a mom of 3 boys the modesty of their friends is a great concern to me. I’m grateful that I’m not alone.
    As a person who worked for VS for many years I can’t help but share this with you: save yourself from poor fitting bras (unless you’ve had a breast augmentation, they’re made for women with “perfect” breasts) and shop at Nordstrom. They are better educated, have a broader range of sizes, and fit much better.
    Thank you for this article and your concern for your daughter and so many precious daughters out there.

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  25. Wow…my baby girl is only 16 months, and just hearing this stuff makes me want to grab her and run for the hills…it is so sad. Thank you for sharing this…

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  26. Wow. First of all, its awesome to see a father not only concerned with his daughter’s self image and most importantly HER MORALITY; but to also actually take a step to do something about it by writing a letter. We can have opinions all day long, but until we take action, nothing will change. I’ve been wearing VS for a long while. In fact, I was about to order some new bras, because yes, the quality (to me) is unmatched by anything else I’ve found. However, after reading everything I just read, I’ll never buy another product from them as long as I’m alive. Teaching a young girl how to deal with her sexuality is hard enough in this society, without companies like VS contributing to perverting it. Sexuality is something God gave us to enjoy and keep sacred with the person we’re married to. That’s what we need to be teaching our daughters – not to run around flaunting “kiss this” on their uh-uh. We have an 8 year old daughter, and it sounds so young, but I know if we don’t teach her the harm that comes from the kinds of things I’ve read here, society will be more than happy to teach her their “alternative”, and believe me, it’s not good. We’d be setting our daughter up for self-destruction. You know, we also have 5 boys and I want them to know they should stay away from any girl that would wear this crap – because if a girl doesn’t respect herself, she will not respect any boy she’s with. Way to go reverend, and way to go everyone else who commented here & agrees with him.

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  28. Well said . its the truth the styles that are being put out there now for our teenagers leaves something to be desired for my taste.. there is a appropriate age for everything .. but i do believe from blouses to undergarments alot of which will send out thr wronh messages if worn by our young teenage girls..i agree that victoria secret should definitely reconsider its line aimed at our young teenage girls.

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  29. If they want a middle school market could it promote quality and good fit to feel good about one’s self as opposed to sex? I have highschool students for example that would like a quality bra for PE class. Or bras that are difficult for the kid behind them in class to unhook embarrassing the large chested girls. Or cute saying that promote self-discipline. Who knows how far an “I excell, because I don’t have to worry about looking good. VS takes care of that for me.” campaign could go?

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  30. As the mother of 3 girls, I agree wholeheartedly. However, it would be nice if parents of teen boys would talk to their sons about respecting girls no matter how they look. Because, honestly, many, many girls are self-conscious of their body image largely because boys continually focus on it.

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  31. I would describe myself as a conservative liberal. I have to agree with the Reverend. His letter is appropriate and revealing as to how Victoria Secrets should treat young women. Not with provocative clothing, but with the ability to achieve self esteem. As for the clothing that they produce for adults I have no problem with that. They produce some very fine garments.

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  32. Rev.Evan. As a grandmother of 3 girls, 4,8,& 10, I am in total agreement with you in regards to what is being marketed to our children today. Of course, they are going to continue to see their “idol celebritites” wearing and promoting these kind of things, but this would be a great start.

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  33. Two comments – the line isn’t called “Bright Young Things” it’s called PINK, this season’s advertising slogan is “Bright Young Things”

    There’s nothing wrong with caring about your undies, You can be a brilliant feminist social activist and care about the undies you wear. But let us come to it in our own time, and our own concerns about our undies – mine are that they be organic, latex free elastic, and able to provide comfortable support and coverage without compression or cutting off the lymph glands in my armpits. When I was 16 I suddenly got interested in my underwear and was all excited by boy cut briefs, day of the week please. Rainbow bright. I silkscreened witches onto my briefs in art school, and gold leafed others. Just don’t tell my CHILDREN that they need to be concerned about this, stop advertising to CHILDREN.

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  34. Even though I am not a father, I think that your note is touching and I can totally relate to that.

    Your plea reminds me indeed of a philosophy paper I had to do in my last year of high school about reserve. I remember having felt especially passionated by this work because I was struck by high school girls’ habit to wear clothes that to me seemed like sexual ostentation.

    This blatant oxymoron of girls embracing the sexual imperative driven by fashion while school was trying so hard to teach children to be less easily swayed and think by themselves fueled discomfort in me as a teen and made me write perhaps my best paper in the whole year.

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  36. I, too, take my daughters to VS for their undies and bras. I am the mother of three teenaged daughters and each one of them has a different figure. Honestly, VS and sometimes, Aerie, are the only stores that have bras that fit their bodies. It’s not easy to find a size 30 C, which is the size one of my girls wears, but VS carries the size. I let them get whatever style and color that they want. I prefer that theey do not wear words on their underwear as it’s ususally a provocative message. I always tell them that nobody is going to see those words, so why label themselves! As a young woman, I was a dancer and that was the only time I ever wore thong panties. I will not buy those for my daughters unless they are simple cotton to wear under their own leotards and costumes. VS should NOT launch a line for junior high school girls. Let’s just let them grow up slowly!

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  37. I am so thankful that someone like Rev.Evan Dolive is out there! Standing up for this is the right thing to do and my family totally supports you Rev.Evan Dolive.

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  39. First of all…How many girls are walking around in public..in their ” panties”..????
    Last i knew they wore clothes over them ..so nobody should be seeing what they wear anyway., so it should not be a problem if they want to wear them because they are the only ones seeing them. ??????????

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  40. Well if you really think about, tacky is as tacky does. When is it important to make a spectacle about women’s underthings anyways, oh yes, big business! The company uses it’s skimpy loungerie and beautiful women modeling them as the ploy. People who let teen girls buy Victoria Secret undergarments need to re-examine why they are purchasing them. Is it for popularity? Stand up for your children and don’t be such sheep people.

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  41. As a parent that raised 3 children I can tell you that our time to instill values is limited. At a certain age peer pressure takes over . All I ever heard was , ” but all my friends….”This is the age parents have to stand firm and hopefully our values will kick back in somewhere around 18-20 years. As Mark Twain said , ” when I was 14 I thought my parents were dumb. When I was 21 it amazed me how much they learned in 7 years .”

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  42. Dad I understand your feelings on this topic. I am in agreement. With you. What you And your wife need to do is show her, Her value. Give her self defense classeshave her around people who value them selfsame. And dad make a date night once your daughtt to show her how a young man. Should treat her. Always in still in her yours. And God’s. Love, And pray GOD’S WORD over her daily. Invite her in on the conversations you?? Wife have on making choices & the precaution they can have, may God bless you

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  43. I just don’t agree with any of this. Probably not in the conventional way though, if he is doing his job as a father… his daughter potentially wearing funky underwear that says “Call Me” shouldn’t be a problem at all.

    There was this kind of thing when I was growing up. And, to be honest, the biggest adolescent decision I had to make regarding undergarments was which bra actually fit… or was I old enough to wear a “thong” (overrated btw). This article is completely delusional; there was SO much I was exposed to as a teenager and I turned out fine. What difference does it make? If I am a 16 year old who wants to be sexy I am not going for the child section and buying underwear that says “Call Me”. I am heading straight to the adult section and going nuts on anything/everything black and lace. Growing up is inevitable.
    I was born with a brain and my parents taught me how to use it. Victoria’s secret didn’t change my life.

    Let’s start digging deeper. Let’s start looking at how we portray women in the media first and foremost. Let’s start advocating (and believing) campaigns like Dove’s which eludes to the fact that every woman is absolutely beautiful in her own way. Let’s start to focus on how women can be intelligent/beautiful/sexy/pretty/charming in any underwear. Better yet, let’s start to focus on how my underwear shouldn’t matter at ALL. Seriously. Let’s start owning these stereotypes and stop letting idiots like this guy define us by them.

    Now there is PINK- which I mean … little girls can go NUTS in there because aside from a pair of sweatpants or the occasional cute pair of underwear, the items in that store aren’t for 21 year olds and up. Maybe if we sex-down the clothing kids want to wear they will start wearing the stupid neon underwear with the horrible caption writing… it would actually be a blessing. If my 11 year-old-sister was wearing pink polka dotted boyshort panties that said “Cutie” on them… I would breathe a sigh of RELIEF. Thank god she didn’t go for anything lace or skimpy or, god forbid, no underwear at all.

    Get off the forum, start parenting.
    Thoughts ?

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  45. I am a mom of a teen daughter. While I do agree with this father that so much has been put out there for such young children today it is our responsibilities as parents to teach our children what is okay and what is not. I went through a period trying to find dress shoes that didn’t have heals and clothes for a six to 10 year old that didn’t look like she belonged on a street corner, it was tough!! I had a meltdown in a store one day with the workers because I was so tired and frustrated trying to shop for her. The next time I went in they had more appropriate items for that age group!! My daughter knows what is appropriate and what is not because we discuss it. She also shops for undergarments in VS and Pink, the have nice bras that fit her well and panties that she loves because they don’t give her wedgies!! While some of them are decorative, no one is seeing them on her but her!! She is modest with her body and very well versed in morals and values! It is not all about sex, it is about feeling good about yourself and with the proper teachings from parents they can do that without looking like a prostitute as some have so boldly put it!! For those that talk of a rapist attacking you because of what you wear….get real…it doesn’t matter what you wear…a rapist is a rapist!!!

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  46. Oh for heaven’s sakes. I agree that sexually provocative wording on preteen/young teen underwear pushes a sex-object message inappropriately, I’m not a fan of thong underwear for health reasons, and if I had a daughter she would not own either of these styles (I have a son). But — there is no reason for a kid, girl or boy, (unless your particular cultural or religious group requires) not to wear cute and colorful underwear. In the 60s when I was a young teen we had so much fun with our swinging sixties undies! Floral and geometric prints in bright colors, mostly. Not especially sexy, just lots of fun, sweet or cute! Let’s not confuse stylish and light-hearted with “nasty.”

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  47. Pingback: A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father « Fig & Basil

  48. Reverend you hit the nail on the head but education also starts at home which I am sure that you do but others don’t. I feel that we, as a society are allowing our children to grow up way to fast. I work with 4th graders and 95% of them have cell phones, tablets and every other technical device the want. They are allowed to do and SAY whatever they want to whomever they want wihout any repercussions. Even in a school situatin they get away with way more than what they did when I went to school. I will email a parent and tell them that their daughter’s shorts are too short and that they are not allowed to wear skimpy tank tops to schools but that is all that is available for them to buy at the store. I can see where the parents are in a “catch 22” situation. The manuacturer’s need to see that what they are making are making our girls expose themselves to predators and in turn making them victims at a young age. I think that these manuafacturers need to have a few mothers and fathers on their board to make them quit making items that are for adults for our children. I refuse and have refused to buy anything from Victoria Secret for years because of their practices. Hopefully others will follow suit. I cannot stand walking through the mall and seeing bras and thongs on display in the windows.

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  49. Pingback: An Open Letter to Victoria’a Secret from a Father of Daughters…. | Escape From Porn

  50. Let’s not get carried away here. No reason (except religious) for a young girl or young woman not to wear fun, light-hearted and pretty underwear. I agree totally that the sexy sayings are inappropriate and send a terrible message to teens and preteens, but limiting colors? I can’t believe parents want their girls to wear black, tan or white underwear only. What’s wrong with pretty solids with contrasting trim, cute/colorful florals, geometric (dots, stripes, for example) and other prints, such as cartoon characters like Pooh, Garfield or Tweety Bird? I had so much fun in the 60s as a young teen when the first print undies came out. I still remember my matching bra and panties, pink with a little daisy print. Before that it was white, white, white. Yawn. I wasn’t ruined by my fun “Pucci” style underwear. Nobody saw it but my mom and me. And in truth, the prints hide staining a lot better. Not something most men would grasp…

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