A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  2. I love your letter, I am a grandmother of 3 girls, who have been raised to value themselves, and who they are. I wish more parents spoke out for their daughters like you have. Many of us are with you Sir! Thank you for stepping out, we need more of us doing the same thing about a lot of things.

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  3. The author implies that if girls wear these underpants – they won’t be worried about what college to go to? They will suddenly turn into sex objects? He needs to relax and enjoy his time with his daughter. I suppose she has Barbies, and he isn’t worried about how scandlous Barbies are? And how his daughter will want to be a high school drop out if she plays with Barbies? I repeat….relax!!!! breathe……………………. she will be fine. She has a family that loves and supports her. She can wear underwear with words on it and still be a strong young woman. Targeting VS is wrong – look at Target! Look at JC Penney? Even good old Sears and Roebuck. Look around – and breathe…………………………. relax and breathe. She’ll be just fine! We need to give ourselves more credit than this – my girls love to shop VS – they enjoy feeling like a girl! They are strong minded, modest, Chirstian girls that love lace and silk. Is that wrong? They don’t flaunt it – they just enjoy it.

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  4. I agree with Dad 100%! And at the VS wearing mom with a daughter….I am 28. When I was a teenager of about 18 or so and even a few years ago when I was “back on the market” I would buy underwear like he is describing in the new line in order to look sexy for men. As in one night stands. One night stands that ended up damaging me emotionally and ruining my self esteem over all. Thankfully I am a different and wiser person now. I would never buy underwear like that out of innocence or to look good for myself or my girlfriends at a slumber party. It would be for sex appeal. And out of pure experience I wouldnt want my daughter if I had one going through anything that I did. It DID make me feel cheap and used and dirty. And all sorts of girls can be sexually promiscuous and can do so on a whim despite their usual responsible personality. Advertising through slogans, tv ads, movies, website pop-ups, etc. to promote promiscuous sex at any age but especially at a young one has become rampant and too often looked over in our society. It needs to be stopped. I dont care if it sells. If something is advertised in that way, I WONT buy it, watch it, wear it.

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    • You are a wiser person because of your mistakes. Not because of what you wore to bed. It was your choice to have a one night stand and to be sexually promiscuous, not your underwear’s choice.

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  5. I agree and will sign the letter, any way why would they put sayings on underwear for kids, who’s going to see them to read it? This is just promoting fornication we need to teach our children Biblical morals that’s what’s wrong with this world today they have gotten away from how God teaches us to raise our children. I have a daughter and she was taught the right way, she is now 22 years old and works a full time job as a Lpn and going back to school this fall. She don’t dress to advertise sex and has a great responsible boyfriend that works 3 to 4 jobs. I am proud of her she grew up right because she was taught right.

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    • Great letter. So true.
      However, the dumbest thing ever… “biblical morals” and “god teaching us how to raise our children”… Not all morals are biblical and neither is god teaching us how to raise children, WE are!! WE as parents teach them morals and values, and WE as parents raise these children. WE need to take responsibility early in their lives and teach them all these great things the dad in the article mentions.

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      • No, the “dumbest thing ever”, and also the most immature thing ever, is to say something so offensive toward someone’s beliefs. Yes, using Biblical principles is not the structure all people choose to use to guide and teach their children, but it is extremely disrespectful to to call someones beliefs dumb.Please learn some respect. Also, my parents did teach me Biblical principles, and maybe if yours had, you would already have some respect. Forgive me for being so blunt, but I find your comment rude, immature, and offensive.

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    • Why is it only biblical that this contradicts? I was raised without the Lord and I’m not some kind of evil monster. I actually even turned out better one might say because I stayed in school and will be graduating with a degree and starting my doctorate at 22. I think it is awesome that you used God to raise your children and it worked for you, but this post implies that the only way to properly raise a child would be in this fashion. If I have misinterpreted your post and you do acknowledge that there are other ways to raise a child then I absolutely apologize, but if you think that the one and only God is the only way, then I would implore you to reconsider.

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    • I totally agree. Victoria’s Secret is trying to exploit a new market – make some more dough. Isn’t that what counts today? Aren’t our kids aren’t exposed to enough sexual innuendo on TV and in the movies, all aimed at making some dough? Evidently no one is complaining about that too much, so lets move into the underwear opportunity. This is sick! But … it makes dough. So I guess we’ll have to put up with this too.

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    • I totally agree that little girls clothing in general is too sexy and revealing. Let us protect the integrity of our young girls so that they might grow to be beautiful young women.

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    • Great points Ricky. Straying from biblical teachings is part of the reason this country is where it is with ads like these. Akookoo, how can you say that biblical morals are “the dumbest thing ever.” You should reconsider your ideals and morals if that is the “dumbest thing ever.”

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  6. Could not agree with this letter more. Send one to Jucy as well. The best way to get their attention is to not buy their stuff even if it is for an adult.

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  7. Pingback: A Concerned Father Or Has Victoria’s Secret Gone Too Far? « Intro. Women's & Gender Studies

  8. Someone posted this above and I think it deserves to be posted down here, too.

    “In response to questions we recently received, Victoria’s Secret PINK is a brand for college-aged women. Despite recent rumors, we have no plans to introduce a collection for younger women. “Bright Young Things” was a slogan used in conjunction with the college spring break tradition.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/25/victorias-secret-bright-young-things_n_2950691.html

    I think what bothers me the most is the AMOUNT of people who just BELIEVE this, don’t check it out for themselves and lose their minds over it. Just because this blogger didn’t bother to fact check doesn’t mean YOU CAN’T. Gosh people, you are like a bunch of sheep!

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  9. Rev. Evan

    Thank you so much for your boldness. As a 19-year-old college student, I pray for my future girlfriend/wife to be a women who fears the Lord above all else. I pray your words would be used by the Holy Spirit to speak truth into an increasingly hostile culture. I encourage you to check out my blog sometime as well (www.derekkim.wordpress.com).

    God Bless
    – Derek Kim

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    • Mmmmm… You might want to check why you are unhitched. As a future mother, I hope my daughter can fall in love and live that love with unabashed, uninhibited love, passion, lust, tenderness, kindness, forgiveness, desire, appetite, openness and acceptance just like her parents. I hope she embraces, celebrates, and respects her body and soul as they are: beautiful, capable of giving great love and pleasure, as well as nourishment, and nothing to be ashamed of. And a man who appreciates and respects that.

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  11. Does not mean your daughter needs to wear them.
    Until your daughter is 16(Legal age to work) she only has the money you supply to her.
    After she gets a job she is no longer your little girl.

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    • I don’t know what world you were raised in but until my daughters are an adult, they follow my rules, including what they can wear out in public. And they will ALWAYS be my little girls no matter how old they get!

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      • I agree fully Carmen!! 16 is still young. When you live in your parents house, you follow their rules.

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  12. What does a girls choice of underwear have to do with her choice of education and/or profession? That is where You are wrong!
    My daughter liked ‘silky’ ‘velvety’ ‘pretty’ underwear from the time she was 5 (she hated a bra, when she was forced to choose one that even had a hint of a flower on it!)… That does not make her ‘promiscuous’ person who has made bad choices! She is a 23 year old mother and a college graduate!

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  13. im a mother of two little girls one 6 the other 4 i agree with this fathers input i don’t beleve victoria secret should putout that line of underwhere just cause its portray ing or kids to grow up and Get involved to fast ..

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  16. Ethical decisions should always override financial benefit. Such advertising directed to minors is not only exploitation and unethical but should be deemed unlawful.

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  18. AMEN!!! Thank You! As a mom of three young girls, the oldest now 12, I couldn’t be more disgusted!!!!

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  19. Victoria Secret has been “selling” women as sex objects since they opened. Women do not have to buy the stuff unless they want to be treated as sex objects.

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    • That’s complete crap! They have some of best fitting bras I have ever worn. You may be older, but I will not agree with the wiser.

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      • No matter the age, older n wiser is correct. Victoria secret does sell women as sex objects. The theme of their entire business is sex. If it wasn’t they wouldn’t have such racy commercials, which are unnecessary in and of themselves.

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  20. This is rape culture, plain and simple. The core problem is all the Bible thumpers out there defining women as sex objects and baby-makers. You notice that the Pope and Jerry Falwell are never complaining about VIctoria’s Secret making money by exploiting middle schoolers. The good news is that church membership keeps dropping, and equality keeps prevailing. We have a black man in the White House and the anti-gay forces have lost (they just haven’t surrendered yet).

    Someday soon, girls won’t feel they need sexy underwear to meet society’s expectations of who they should be.

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    • Silly, unoriginal, and half baked remarks. Have you ever had an original thought? I didn’t think so…(“original” means you thought it up yourself).

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    • If you read the Bible you realize that it is the reason why we have our morals and values today. God commanded the Israelites to stay away from sexual impurity, along with many other things, such as polytheism, polygamy, and of course the ten commandments, including the laws of not stealing, murdering, or cheating. Where do you think we got our laws? The other nations of those times were sacrificing their children to their gods. God commanded the parents to love each other and their children, he was the one that gave women value, and commanded us to love Him and all humans. Christians are humans like everybody else, no one is perfect. Unfortunately some Christians, including several popes and priests, have violated their trust and done awful things that should not be excused. Their actions do not represent the God in the Bible, but rather the sin that is dominating this world. All humans are sinners, including all Christians. With all that said, the idea of sexual purity comes from the Bible. If it wasn’t for the Bible and our Christian foundation there would be no marriages nor morals or ethics as we know them today.

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  21. As a single woman ( mom) even I agree wholeheartedly adult men still seem to think we are just meat and that is frustrating there is sooo much more to me than what is under my clothing

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  22. I own a boutique in a small town and I plainly carry items geared toward older women. I get mothers in all the time who try to dress their teenage daughters in low cut clothing and mini skirts and I tell them upfront that some clothing is too “old” for them! I do not have children, but it does amaze me at the things parents buy for them. And I remember what it was like from the kids point of view. We wanted to be perceived as grown up back then too!! I know my next comment is going to draw some fire but with what I see in my shop and other stores, it is the truth. Some parents need quit being their daughters friends and be their parents and role models!

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  23. Yeah, Dad!!! Your beautiful young daughter is off to a great start already with a Dad like you. She will grow to love herself with your support and she will follow her heart with the right decisions with God’s Love!!! Our daughter is 17 and we have watched her blossom over the last year since we found our Faith and she makes her decisions on what feels right to her and now whether or not to wear undergarments with messages written on them. She even still loves spending time with us.

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  24. I have a 13 year old daughter who find this type of underwear appalling. She is a good kid and but she does not want everyone seeing what she has on under her clothes. Where do I sign to have this type of behavior by a “reputable” company changed. What does it teach our daughters that they can be oppressed and judged by the clothes and under garments they wear.

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  28. I did not check the facts related to above post by Rev. Doline but I admit that most magazines and many ads that are directed to tweens and teens makes it sound that self worth is defined by what wearing certain clothing/underwear, wearing makeup at much too young an age, wearing high heels, having the right new electronic gadgets etc. As parents we need to guide our youth to value their bodies as unique and needing to be taken care of in healthy ways….that material things are just that…to value life of other living things and to help others. Love of God, self and humanity.

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  29. amen!!!! I fully agree with this fathers letter, as a mother to a five year old and proud aunt to a few young girls I couldn’t agree more, why have a line of undergarments like this…for starters words on the back ummmm noooooo that could possibly promote some bad decisions to show off, and as for black and or lacy hellooooo these are young girls not adults….innocent young girls should never have undergarments like that NEVER!!!!!! I pray they do not promote this line of undergarments but if they do because they are allowed too, I hope parents step in and take charge of what their kids wear and NOT buy such things….btw I am a Victoria secret shopper although I would not allow my daughter to own such garments till she is of an adult age in which it is deemed ok.

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  31. Just another thought on this as well, As a woman of 48 years old who wanted to check out the pretty items they have in the store, the largest size was a 38 in bra and not one pair of undies to come 1/2 way up to a belly button…WHY would they want to make these items for children/teens when middle aged woman who would like to buy some can’t get their size…seems strange to me…probably why in all my years i never shopped there…

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  32. I agree that women are creatures of passion Key word “Women” not little girls. Let them be little. If you have or have had a daughter you will understand this dads’ concern.

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  33. I agree completely. As a mother of a 16 yr old girl and 14 yr old boy, I cannot describe how much it hurts me to know that the majority of people are okay with the desensitizing of America’s children. It is sad that we try to stay away from malls and places that promote these things. It has even gone into the food industry…what a girl in a bikini has to do with a fish sandwich is beyond me…needless to say, we no longer frequent places that teach or imply the use of sex to sell their products. Most of it is borderline pornography.

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  34. I shop at VS all the time with my daughters, ages 19 and 11. Yes, 11. VS sells bras that are lightly lined, NOT padded or push up in the small size my 11 year old wears. We buy the bras from there because I personally feel like the quality is better and the bras hold up longer than cheap ones from other stores. VS also sells very plain bikini or hip hugger style underwear, just like Walmart. Only once again the quality is better so I choose to shop at VS. You can get “regular” non slutty stuff at VS. if you see something you don’t like then just don’t buy it. It’s as simple as that. Please don’t try to equate a persons underwear choice with their intelligence or morals. No one even sees my 11 year olds under garments except her, and occasionally her physician. When we shop at VS we don’t look at all the raunchy stuff. I’ve told my girls that stuff is purchased by rich married ladies. End of story. They (even my 19 year old) aren’t even interested in looking at those things. People need to get upset about real issues, in my opinion, not underwear.

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  35. This is far from the truth. First of all it’s a business, a profitable one. No one is forced to buy their products if you don’t agree. Secondly, it’s NOT directed at 12 year olds but college-aged girls… and it’s not up to VS to teach your kid what’s right and important it’s your job. People love to point the fucking finger. YOU are the parent, YOU take it upon yourself to teach and help shape your child into the woman she “should” be.. neither bible nor god have anything to do with, no one other than the parent.

    My eyes hurt from reading so many idiotic comments. Go do something with your life and go raise your children instead of wasting time online preaching onto who should do what.

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    • You’re reading a pastor’s blog. What did you expect you’d find? Of course there are going to be lots of comments about God, the Bible, morals, etc.

      If you don’t want to read about these things kinds of things, don’t visit a pastor’s blog. Simple as that. You go on and on about people pointing fingers, but look at what you’re doing. You go to a religious blog and try to tell people that God and the Bible have nothing to do with how they raise their families. What sense does that make? That’s right. None.

      If you don’t like what’s being said here, use that magic little “x” in the top right corner and leave the blog. Simple. No one is making you sit there and continue reading. No one made you visit this blog. No one is shoving anything down your throat. You are subjecting yourself to all of the “idiotic comments.” Just you. No one else to blame. No one is forcing parents to buy VS products, right? And no one is forcing you to stay here and read.

      Avoiding this blog — and other similarly religious blogs, websites, etc. — is a lot easier than avoiding a raunchy VS display in the mall.

      You tell people to go live their lives and raise their children. Well, standing up for what you think is right is a valuable life lesson. What do you teach your children? If they think something is wrong, just sit down and take it? Is that what you want your children to do? Or do you want them to be advocates for what they think is right?

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  36. I have 4 grown daughters and if a line of underwear had been produced from any store when my girls were pre-teen and teen, I would not have purchased them for my daughters. Thank-you for asking a company to reconsider this line of underwear. I applaud you for your stand and for your tact.

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  37. BRAVO! I fully agree 1000000000% with this dad. I have a young sister, she’s 12 going on 13, and I dread the day she starts thinking she has to be “sexy”. She is so super cute and dorky. She likes Hello Kitty and Domo. What is a 12 year old going to need a thong or booty panties for? Especially with that type of writing on it. It’s degrading. I back up this father and his supporters endlessly. Thanks Rev. Evan Dolive 🙂

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  38. I totally agree. Young ladies have a hard enough time finding clothes that fit properly, aren’t too low cut for tops, aren’t too short for shorts and skirts. Not all females are built the same and even if they were, they should have the choice of clothes that cover their bodies without having to shop in the guys’ section. Thank you for speaking out against this new clothing line.

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  39. Excellent letter! We wonder why our youth has turned out like alot of them have. Look at the culture they live in. Sex and violence is constantly shoved down their throats. The Victoria Secret commercials are way too sexual in their content. I hope they tone it way down. Enough is enough.

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  40. Bible Thumpers made our culture a rape culture by denouncing rape, pedophilia and the sexualization of women? I sincerely hope you are a bad troll John, if not please take your meds. If you don’t have meds prescribed by your doctor or a mental health professional, please see a psychiatrist the first chance you get. It’s for your safety and those around you.

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  41. I have 3 daughters, ages 12, 16, 17;none of them have ever worn anything with writing on their behind, not underwear, sweatpants..NOTHING!! As long as they live in my house I will tell them what they can & can’t wear, regardless of their age. The things you surround yourself with WILL influence you & your daily choices.

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  42. I want to say thank you for writing this letter!! I would also like to comment on not having a regular bra available. Not everyone needs a push up or padded one as well. Its hard to buy them for myself and my teenagers.

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  43. Amen! I have a 7 month old and am already having a hard time imagining what trials and tribulations she’ll be faced with in adulthood. I don’t feel as though pushing racy undergarments on youthful innocence is a wise or morally smart decision. I’m happy that one father out there has taken a stand. I’ll stand with him when it comes to this topic.

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  45. Your letter has gone viral. My friend Corrina shared this on facebook and it really struck a chord with me. Thank you for clearly and respectfully stating why product marketing of this kind is so detrimental to our society.

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  46. If this was a speech, I’d get up and applaud. I don’t have daughters,I have boys,but I couldn’t agree more! Well said! Any petition that needs to be signed, send it my way!

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  48. Amen! I have a 7 month old and am already having a hard time imagining what trials and tribulations she’ll be faced with in adulthood. I don’t feel as though pushing racy undergarments on youthful innocence is a wise or morally smart decision. I’m happy that one father out there has taken a stand. I’ll stand with him when it comes to this topic.

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  50. Well said! Thank you for being the kind of man that all women need in their lives- someone who appreciates and loves them as they are and helps them understand true worth. Even grown women, who may want to be sexy need the reminder that we are NOT defined by what we wear or the size of our bra. Victoria Secret is just focusing in on those insecurities for profit, not to mention putting unrealistic ideas into our heads at such early ages! Confidence and self worth is learned even at the young age of 3. If we want to start changing the way women are viewed, it starts at home with parents that aren’t afraid teach what is right and real. Thank you!!

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