A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  2. If you are a seriously involved and loving parent your daughter will have no use for Victoria’s Secret Garbage.

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  3. I have a daughter and a son. I don’t care for VS. It’s taken me a long time to break the chains of what society has force fed me on what’s “pretty” or “sexy” and how I should LOOK as a female. I am sexy to my husband when I treat him well, laugh and joke with him and respect his body and his likes. It has taken him a long time as well that he doesn’t need to see me in lace to be sexy. I am sexy to him just as me. My daughter is being taught that as well. However, she is a young teen. She feels the pull of how all the “popular” girls wear it and lots of makeup etc. She has actually cried tears and told me “Why aren’t I pretty just being me? Why do girls have to do and wear all these things just for other people or boys to like them? What is Pretty exactly anyways?” I wish every single person could hear that cry.For centuries and centuries women over and over and over again have been told “you are not pretty until you do THIS or wear THIS” and I will equate “pretty” with “worthwhile”. I will applaud anyone like this dad who says ENOUGH! and no it really isn’t enough just to “not shop there”. You have to make pur voices heard that women are not objects. We are not an arts and craft project to be glitzed and glammed and put on display for money in someones pocket.Using teens as a target for this is shameful, and they need to be publicly called on the carpet for it. Cigarette manufacturers many years ago used the same tactic. Many of their ad campaigns were found to be targeted at teens. Couldn’t parents back then just “not shopped for them” for the kids? No. It was not until a voice became united to say ENOUGH! leave our children alone.

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  5. So I’m going to look at this another way. We can also choose not to raise our children in a bubble, but teach them to think. They will see and hear many things as they grow, and as a parent, it our job to teach them to make good decisions. And not all thongs are worn by exotic dancers on poles. Many of us wear them to hide underwear lines in our dress pants. And of course, we can always tell our children “no.” There’s a concept to consider.

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    • Its not raising children in a bubble, its called being a responsible parent and all this father wants to do is teach his daughter morals and values. Yes children will learn a lot of things in school but its up to parents to teach their children the right things to do. That is what this father is doing paving a path, a clean one, for his children to walk down in the journey of life. Imagine how special this letter will mean to his little girl when she is grown up and realizes that her daddy was trying to make the world a better place for her when she was little.
      I do agree that not all thongs or skimpy panties are worn by exotic dances but do children really need to be wearing that sort of thing at such a young age. I would have to say no they do not! Keep our kids modest as long as we can!

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    • My twelve year old shouldn’t be wearing pants tight enough to have panty lines & most would never consider rayon or other fabrics that might contribute to this. My twelve year old has nude colored bikini panties bought from Target because at 5’4″ and 103 lbs, she can wear adult sizes. My twelve year old will never wear a thong panty w/the words “feeling lucky” on them. That would be not only sexually suggestive and inappropriate, but completely tacky. It is our job to teach them decision making along w/morals and values, and no, they do not need to be kept in a “bubble”. But it is our job to protect them from the harsh realities of adulthood as long as possible while still preparing them for those realities. Not all thongs are worn by exotic dancers, but there are too many other options out there for a 12 year old to ever need to wear one…or a 14 year old, or a 16 year old….and NEVER w/the phrase “felling lucky?” stenciled on front.

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    • as the mother of a 14 yr old girl and a soon to be 12 yr old girl I will write this. My older daughter has shopped at victorias secret with me. She knows what is approperiate and what is not. That is MY job as her mother. To guide her thru her life til she is old enough to make decisions on her own. Saying that she will wear things because of peer pressure etc. Is true. We all have caved into that pressure at one time or another. BUT we learn from our mistakes. Life goes on. Just because we wear a thong panty doesn’t mean we are going to hop into the back seat with the first boy that comes along. My duaghter sees me wearing the thongs and she chooses to wear full “butted” panties. Im proud of her …

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      • A thong with the words “call me” for a middle school age child is giving off the message that someone should call her. It’s not for herself to read is it? And, you think THAT’s appropriate?

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    • If we, as parents, do not protect our children and teach decency, who will? Teaching our children a moral compass is our obligation as parents. I certainly did not want the world teaching my children world values!

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  6. Good man.. a very well thought out comment… As a parent of a Christian 17 year old, i still don’t want her to be debased to the level of this underwear. Parents have respect for your children, as your God-given responsibly and teach your daughters to value themselves, and your sons to treat girls as they would want their sister to be treated. God bless.

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  7. This all started because of underwear, do any of you realize how pathetic that is? I can name at least 10 more stores off the top of my head that sell underwear with writing on them and you target VS because a man read an article about a clothing line he knows nothing about? Questioning the morals of the PINK brand, how about you question the morales of your own children? You are all acting as though VS is trying to manipulate children into becoming prostitutes. I cannot believe that this all started over panties, completely ridiculous.

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    • I personally feel that he is not targeting VS as a company but the disturbing trend of suggestive and sexy clothing aimed at CHILDREN. I have a four year old son and many times have felt a little thankful that I have a boy instead of a girl especially after walking through the clothing section and seeing the clothing styles that I feel make a grown woman appear suggestive being marketed to little girls. In a society that already struggles with pedophilia and horrible crimes being committed against children why, as a parent, would you want your child to wear a provocative outfit? Yes, these are underwear and should not be seen but, having worked with preteens and teens I know a disturbing fact, your 11 year old might be having sex or oral sex. It starts incredibly young and I do feel that the clothing and underwear marketed at young women pushes them towards a need to “feel sexy”. It’s called peer pressure. I applaud this Dad for being a MAN and actually sending a message. If more of us as parents had done so when we saw the beginning of this trend it may not have gotten so out of hand.

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    • Your an idiot and probably or will be one of those parents that allow their child to wear provocative clothing at any age., Hell you will probably join her and make it a mother daughter tag team effort.

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  9. May I suggest, Dad, that you take your letter to this website and start a petition? Change.org

    For what it’s worth, as a mother of a six year old little girl, I am disgusted. We deal with awful things in our society, including teen pregnancy, pedofilia, rape, low self esteem in our girls…

    What message are these underwear trying to send? That the girl has lucky panties?
    Seriously, at that age these drawers are marketed for, my daughter doesn’t need to invite anyone to call her, and she BETTER not be using her underwear to do it.

    Good job, VS, instead of finding a way to promote individuality and self-esteem, you managed to use your big name to promote sexuality, exactly what EVERY pre-teen and teen needs to be focused on.

    Perhaps you can use the following as a marketing slogan;
    “VS set to usher in teen baby boom with their new line of male attention grabbing underwear”

    As a mother to two teen boys, I am also aware that the males in our society, especially at that age, do not need encouragement. From the other side of the fence, I would probably refer to any girl wearing these things around my boys as something less than savory.

    Putting this line on the market is a really good way for VS to pack it in becuase I don’t think there are any positive sides to the proposed line.

    Kudos, Dad, for standing up and speaking out.

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    • Good letter. I have a daughter with two older brothers, also. The first time I found a thong in the laundry basket, I almost had a heart attack, but tactfully had an interesting discussion with my then 14-yr old daughter about reputations based on choices. (I must admit here that I am a high school teacher, and I have seen girls dressed in manners that would give their mothers nightmares.) My daughter showed me her collection of thongs, and as much as I dislike them, they were actually pretty cute and modest (no advertising of “look at me”). She wears them because she thinks they are more comfortable than what she calls the “granny pants” I wear. I could not imagine wearing a thong – I’d walk around all day thinking I had a wedgie. But our conversation was productive. Moral of the story – it’s all about communication between child and parent.

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  10. I am a muslim mother of two little girls, and I would like to thank you for writing this thoughtful piece. I couldn’t agree with you Reverend. May God bless you.

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      • And I am a Jewish mom to 4 kids including girls ages 15 and 12. I join you and the Reverand in saying there is nothing positive to this line. It’s ridiculous and tho tg my kids have zero interest in sex I know some of their friends are “active.” They don’t need any further encouragement at these ages and a big company like VS making these makes them think its ok to be sexual and their parents are just old fashioned. Kids think they know more than their parents, lets face it.
        I agree that it’s almost impossible to shelter kids in this day and age and I too applaud this father for taking the time to let VS how we parents feel. Don’t get me wrong; they make some lovely items…for adult women who choose that style.

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  11. Well written ! As a parent and a Grandparent I agree 100%. In todays world parents have children and not do a great job raising them. It does take a good decent parent to step up for the children that are victims. Thank you Pastor for being that parent who steps up..

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  12. I agree 100% with the issues addressed in this letter. I do not want my daughter, or any other innocent girl to be faced with making this type of choice in undergarments. I implore you, Victoria Secret, to please not proceed with this line.

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  13. I agree 110% with the letter. The age Victoria secrets is looking to market next with suggestive comments is “underage/minority” by all standards. It is sad.

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  14. Dear Sir, as a parent of an 18 year old daughter, I can tell you that the clothes your child wears on the outside is of much more importance to you that the underwear they choose. You know the life and problems with a 2 year old, you are just learning the issues with a 3year old. It gets much better and much worse at the same time and in different ways. Maybe you should buy some VS for your wife, and have her tell you if it does anything for her self confidence, see if all she feels is slutty and wants to play hide the sausage. I will bet you that you will find that she stands taller and feels better about herself, and there is nothing wrong with that, or is there actually something wrong with a young or even a not so young woman feeling strong and confident.

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    • confident in ??? and yes a “woman” knows the difference…a child doesn’t.. maybe you are not a parent of a daughter…. and your choice of wording leaves a question as to how you may even view women in the first place. which goes right back to the point of this whole thing….. on how men/women/sons/daughters view the body… respectfully or only sexually..

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    • Lee there is nothing wrong with pretty lingerie making a WOMAN feel sexy and beautiful for herself and for her partner. However, the letter was not aimed at the VS line for WOMEN is was aimed at the VS line for middle school aged girls and there is a HUGE difference. Girls should not worry about being sexy and adults should not encourage them to worry about being sexy. I allow my daughter to buy undergarments from VS I would not allow her to wear undergarments from any store that say CALL ME!

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    • LOL if wearing VS underware/bras make a woman stand taller and feel better about herself she has some issues she should see a therapist about

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  15. Wholeheartedly agree that young girls/ladies (and for that matter young guys too!) should be taught to respect themselves as made in the likeness and image of God. The total person is so much more than the body, sex and lasciviousness! So much more. . . Can’t just single out VS, though, ’cause someone else, someplace else will also try to cash in on the sexy-equals-beautiful myth; all this for the almighty dollar and to the detriment of these young people’s inner beauty and character! And we wonder what is wrong with society and the USA.

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  16. The simple solution to this is to not buy it for your kids.

    People get so mad at VS or video game companies for making violent games and I ask you…where did that 13 year old get the money to spend on such a thing? Supervise your children. Keep track of what they spend. Their rooms are not private, you have the right to inspect their space. Teach them the morals you want them to have and allow them to think and express themselves and that will build their self image.

    Do not blame companies and marketing for your problems. Do your job as a parent and all will be well.

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  17. Thank you for writing this. I am very encouraged to see a father who cares about his daughter and how she views herself. She shouldn’t see herself as a helpless thing that needs a boy to make her happy, but should see herself as a beautiful creation of God. He has a plan for all young women and will bring the right man into their lives without using provocative undergarments to do so. May God bless you, sir!

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  19. As a mother I totally agree that we are focusing on the wrong directions of our youth. I am appalled at the promotions that I see on TV, magazines, and the sadness of this is that parents promote this with their children believing that this is what popularity is. Folks…pretty is what pretty does and this not only affecting the ones wearing this subjective clothing but the generation as a whole. Sad, sad world and we wonder why there are so many pedophiles.

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  20. keep children’s live’s innocent, and teach our son’s and daughter’s to be leader’s by instilling morale’s they will carry for a lifetime, encourage they’re interests, and let them know how very special and unique and loved they are just for existing without condition’s, just alot of praise and encouragement,let them be aware of a higher power and take them to church where they’ll be with other children with good morale’s and hopefully find they’re lifelong friendship’s before they start school and learn the harsh realities of safety drill’s and school lockdown’s. Teach them ALL the very best, and show by example; as us parent’s are they’re 1st role model’s that it’s what’s inside that count’s, as the most formative yrs. are from birth to 5 yrs. old. Make it good, teach them well, let them be role model’s(not underwear model’s) or model’s of any high priced name brand label’s to fit in and/or follow other’s. It’s not what you wear, it’s who you are, make it count!! ( also; very little to no television, unless it’s watched with and monitered by parent’s or caregiver’s and is educational, same goes for the computer) Alot of old school way’s will hopefully become the new school day’s!! Your child can and should be read to not just at bedtime, but anytime, most will be able to read by kindergarten, if you make it more exciting then t.v.! my daughter did, and as a 25 yr. old woman, I’m very proud to say she has an extensive library in her new home, and prefer’s reading over watching the movie, ALWAY’S:)
    )

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  22. I agree 100%, but it doesn’t even begin to describe what us parents of older girls are dealing with. My daughter is 10, the clothing lines that are being pushed to our girls are sometimes, down right despicable.. Not only, does it make our job harder as a parent, but it makes our kids think there is nothing wrong with wanting to wear shorty shorts, half shirts, or string bikinis, and Halloween costumes that rival those of strippers……I want my daughter to value herself as a person, based on what she believes in, who she is , and who she wants to become….not on looking sexy, cool, or vampy….

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  23. You all are setting TERRIBLE examples for your children by not checking the legitimacy of these “bright young things” rumors. A 2-second Google search reveals that Victoria’s Secret has no plans to market to middle schoolers.

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  24. Interesting how once men have little girls of their own they see things differently. I wonder what he thought of those little under things B.D, (before daughter). Not disagreeing with any of it…just noting the irony….

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  26. This is so sad. My daughter is only 7 and so incredibly innocent. It is hard enough to have to explain the huge displays at the mall and the junk mail that has women in bras and thongs, but she is a person and doesn’t need this extra stress.

    I am also a mother of 2 boys and I do not want them thinking that girls are sex symbols. They don’t need to be assuming that girl’s underwear is an open invitation for anything. How do I teach my boys to respect girls when companies are contradicting everything I’m teaching.

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  27. When I was a girl it was plain white britches sometimes little tiny flowers. but nowadays the things I see these kids wearing. I am lost for words! I agree with you Rev. far to young for such sexy undergarments! Shame on you V.S.

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  28. VS is just doing this for the almighty dollar. They are pushing our little girls out into the world of sex and attention. No more visits to this store for me.

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  30. well said..Helene .. collectively we must stand on our principles… large companies like V.S won’t listen if their dollar is not impacted…..

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  31. I believe the sexualisation of children is a dreadful slur on society. We teach our children their value therefore we must practice what we preach. Paedophiles love the beauty pageants, little girls doing cartwheels, skipping and lots of other activities that parents assume to be innocent. We have to protect our children as best we can. My soon to be teenage daughter will NOT be wearing any underwear with “Come and get me” or whatever awful slogan on it. The perpetrators of sex crimes get off lightly in the Uk. I have a relative of 12 years old who was raped and the judge sent the man to prison for 2 years as ” there wasn’t any damage done as she was more or less grown up !!! ” She will never have her virginity again to give to the man she loves.The emotional trauma will always be there. So when you think it’s all a bit of innocent fun, think of the pervert leering in the neighbourhood who will cross that line.”Come and get me ?? ” Well he may just do that.

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  32. having an underwear and bra line for kids is fine, but not ones that say call me and feeling lucky? Instead of focusing on a children’s line, why not offer more options to women who are adults! You need to up your sizes, and have them available for all figures.!

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  34. Thank you for this post. For a long time I’ve questioned the style of clothing marketed for pre-adolescent girls. Little girls don’t need copies of clothing designed for adults or teens. We restrict the teaching of ethical behaviour , dress our children – especially the girls, like adults and then wonder why there is so much sex abuse of children.

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  35. I guess my unbelief is that there are those individuals that disagree what this father has to say. So the one question that I would like to ask those that disagree with him is, “By what advantage would our lives be better with Victoria Secret’s new line of undergarments and exactly what are they promoting?” To the lady with the bubble comment. I find it fascinating that anytime someone comes up with an argument on something that there is always someone who insists that we are putting our children in a bubble. Maybe we are trying to protect our children and wives as men of valour, courage, and respect. As opposed to those who want to use and promote women as sexual objects. Or maybe there is some personal guilt that this individual feels that makes them lash out in such a way. To DAD….stay strong and fight well for your daughter….. men of valour we need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  36. Thank-you for standing for all innocent little girls. As a mother of a toddler I shutter to think of what is all going to be an influence when she is a preteen.

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  37. I completely agree with the reverend’s comments! Leave our teenage daughters ALONE, there’s enough philthy sexual pervertions and abuctions against our children already! without undressing them with rebellious inuendoes and stereo typical stigmas. I’m also a dad and father, so back-off! Victoria’s Secret; this idea of yours isn’t a secret anymore. Blue.

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  38. Thank you so much. My mom shops at Victoria’s Secret, and I remember seeing the new Aerie store open up for preteens to have that kind of underwear. Gorgeous and comfortable underwear is nice, but it should not be marketed the way it is, especially not to young girls who are growing up and are solidifying their opinions based on what they’ve been taught.

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  39. Although everyone is entitled to their opinion, those who are finding more of a fault with this letter are just plain ignorant and obviously don’t have small children. Regardless of other companies that have a similar line of offensive undergarments for young girls, each and everyone of you should be ashamed of yourselves, I am posative that the same women sticking up for those lines of inappropriate clothing are also the mothers that participate in Toddlars & Tiaras

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  40. A good effort, unfortunately I doubt that it will do anything to change how VS and other retailers view their product development. Society wants women to look like tramps. Sex sells. They care little about what message it sends to a 10 year old, only how much money they can make from it. The sad thing is that many mothers will purchase these items for their babies, because they’ve bought into it.

    Children don’t have to worry about “panty lines”. Let them be little as long as possible. How about positive messages like “you’re beautiful” instead of “feeling lucky”; which only means one thing!

    From what I remember as a girl, we just like pretty things. Pretty things make a little girl feel pretty, likewise; trashy things will make her feel like trash.

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  42. I think that wearing “sexy” underwear should be reserved for when u are mature enough to be sexy. Middle school is NOT THE TIME to sexualize a young girl…..If u promote her feeling sexy at age 12, do not be suprised when she has sex at 13. WHAT ARE U THINKING????

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  43. Even if “Bright Young Things” is targeted at college students as opposed to middle-school girls, the blogger still brings up a good point about raising daughters in an overly sexualized environment where a woman’s worth is defined by her body, skin and sexual activity rather than her intellect, heart and actions. The message in this blog post should not be missed, even if there was a misunderstanding regarding the Victoria’s Secret line.

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  45. I am a 24 yr old mom of a 4 month old baby girl. I love her to death and agree that these past 4 months have felt like mere hours with my precious child. And every year since I met my husband, I have received VS gift cards for Christmas from my mother-in-law. Of course my father would make remarks like why would she give you that or don’t tell me that I don’t want to know. But my mother-in-law was never interested in giving me a gift in order to seduce her son…. she was wanting to give me something where I could enjoy a gift just for me like perfume and better quality bras. That been said I always enjoy VS for myself and have had underwear from them since I was 15. Now that I have a daughter and I’m older I no longer care for thongs and uncomfortable panties. But, as a younger girl that attended sleep overs and changed with girls in dance or gym class; I didn’t wish to be the only girl still wearing Disney cotton underwear. My stepfather once even got into an argument with my mother over the panties she bought me saying the items were only intended to turn boys on. But for myself that was just not the case. Now I agree sayings such as “call me” on the crotch of panties is gross and inappropriate but our teenagers are going to get these items with or without our permission if they really want them. The best way in my mind to go about these issues is simply to speak with your children regardless of gender about respecting themselves as well as others and that sex at a young age will only cause problems, pain, heart-ache, and otherwise negative consequeces.
    We are all different with unique personalities and opinions. I just believe that I would much rather my child grow up knowing she can tell me anything instead of going behind my back because I don’t agree with the inevitable changes that society is beginning to accept.

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  46. I think VS missed a huge opportunity to actually make a decent product. I have no problem if they want to get into making undies for middel schoolers, however like most people my problem is with the sexualizing the underwear by not only putting suggestive words on them but making them “lace back” and thongs. An 11 year old does not need to wear a thong or sheer underwear, while I have no problems with these things in general as I own many a thong and lacy underwear, but I am an adult and sometimes a thong is needed for tighter dresses and sometimes I want my underwear to make me feel sexy and confident. However an 11 year old should not be feeling or made out to be “sexy” it is not age or developmentally appropriate. VS could have made cute and colorful (full cotton back) undies and non-push-up bras in fun trendy colors etc for middle schoolers without sexualizing it, but alas, they did not. Not cool. Also I must say I’m not particularly conservative or religious (I think sex ED should start in middel school and include what consent is, it’s not just not a no) but I whole heartedly agree with even the more conservative individuals that this line by VS is completely out of line and inappropriate and is not about empowerment, as for an 11 year old “empowerment” should be letting her make choices about her future and school subjects based on her interests not her gender, it is not wearing underwear that is sheer in the butt and says “wild”

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  48. I have to say Thank you for speaking out on behalf of all of our innocent little girls. I have 4 granddaughters ranging from the ages of 11 to 1. I wouldn’t want any of them to wear something inviting or think that is what they have to wear in order to be accepted!!! God Bless You Reverend!!!!

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  49. I am a mother to 2 young girls and this really disgust me !!! I will no longer buy from VS and will pass this along to other mothers as well… Why would you ever want to put something do vile on a innocent girls bottom ? It’s enought that your women’s lingerie and clothing looks so slutty but now you would like teenagers to dress that way …

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  50. As the adults, we need to stand for what is right for our children. Kids see these things and think… ‘ Adults made them, so they must be what I should wear.. pressure is on…. and, trouble is some misguided parents think it’s cute! Well, when your child is 14 and has the ‘attitude’ that most teens get, you’ll wish you had held the line just a little tighter when she was impressionable and thought you were always right. This has nothing to do with religion… it haseverything to do with common sense!!

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