A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  3. Maybe this is something that you could use change.org to create a petition. If you get enough signatures, it could actually influence Victoria’s Secret’s decision to release such a line.

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  4. I have 3 girls, 9-17. When my oldest was growing up, I never let them purchase anything pasted to the front or the back of their rear ends. I also limited and carefully consider the remarks on the front of tee shirts. It also goes for blue jeans and where they sit and their tightness. There is no modesty today. We have to teach it to our daughters. My girls know not to ask for certain things because I won’t allow it. Victoria Secret should be ashamed of themselves.

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  5. Wait a minute…you want your daughter to know that she is PERFECT??? AH, that scares me…I have a 32 year old daughter and one of the first things I told her about life is that it’s NOT perfect and that no one is either. I explained that God made us ALL very different and not one of us has EVERYTHING perfect. I explained that God chose ME to be her mother and that I would do everything in my power to see to it that she had everything that she needed like a roof over her head, clothes to wear, food to eat and an education. I told her that her rewards for great grades was the sense of accomplishment and the self confidence she would feel when a task was completed. I told her that there were would be times when she would have to make tough decisions, but if her heart held true then the decision would most likely be the right one. Most importantly, she knew that she was NOT the parent, she knew that she was deeply loved and she knew that she could turn to us whenever need be. She also knew that she couldn’t have something just because other kids did and THAT is where most parents fail. They don’t want their children to feel left out….and they give in…Stay strong parents..It’s for their good as well as yours!!!!

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  6. I agree with this totally. I would never agree to buy this kind of stuff for my child no matter how much she begs. As a parent sometimes you have to put your foot down and say no!

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  7. Wow, lecturing a business, when you as a representative of a religion founded in opposition to the rabid accumulation of wealth have no intention of changing the very socioeconomic structures that turn your daughters into sex objects. I guess being shallowly self righteous is less work.

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  8. I can completely understand why Victoria’s Secret would launch a teen line. Granted they probably don’t need laced underwear but what’s gonna stop them from buying the garments they sell already? Absolutely nothing. I highly doubt the cashier will ask for a photo ID to make sure that the girl buying was old enough for the item she has. It’s all about marketing and reaching out to your consumer and meeting the needs of them. If the average age of top sales is 16-19 then they need to appeal to those people.

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  11. Amen! Very well said! Young girls have so much more to deal with than what their underwear says! Victoria Secret is ridiculous to target these young women! It’s hard enough as a parent to watch our babies change over night to young ladies but to think that they need to wear trashy underwear like VS is promoting literally makes me nauseated!!

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  13. Yes, I remember when Victoria was keeping it a SECRET! It was a subtle, pretty, classy place to buy undergarmets. It is now Fredericks of Hollywood, and there certainly aren’t any secrets!! I cover my sons eyes when we walk by the store! Hate it.

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  14. I agree that this line is a cause for concern. Undergarments with suggestive sayings on them imply that they are meant to be seen by someone, and encouraging that behavior in children is wrong. However, Victoria’s Secret is a business, and businesses supply what there is demand for. That means that this line wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a significant consumer base for it. Surely the very well paid product developers at such a large company foresaw that some people would have this kind of reaction to such an idea. So why go ahead and launch the line? Because it will be successful. These things will sell. And that should be the true cause for panic here: the fact that we live in a society, created by ourselves, in which this company and thousands of others can and do make a profit off of the sexual delinquency of girls who are still at an age where they shouldn’t even be considering sex. I say this, not as a parent or even as an adult, but as a teenage girl who remembers he look on the face of the girl who sat next to me in SEVENTH GRADE and couldn’t fit in her desk because she was in her third trimester.

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    • This is like telling yourself people are going to buy porn, so I might as well sell it. Just because something is legal, doesn’t make it right.

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    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and telling this story… It is a real sad commentary on our society…. We still need to try to make a difference… !

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  15. I appreciate a strong father taking a stand for his children. It happens few and far between in my eyes, and as a Mother to four children, I couldn’t agree with you more. We need less of this sexual innuendo type of influence and misrepresentation of our children and more positiveness like what other products, such as Dove, stand for now. Many will boycott Victoria’s Secret should this line come out. For once, the branding of our youth for the sake of the almighty dollar, may hit them exactly where it hurts, in their backside, where their hefty wallet resides.

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    • The line is already out. I know I won’t be boycotting the store because some people don’t like what sayings are on its underwear. But, what isn’t being mentioned here is that Victoria’s Secret and Pink both offer lots of other options that doesn’t have sayings on it. I’m 22, and will pick something that has stripes or tie dye, over a pair that has a saying on it.

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  17. Agree 100%
    I stand behind you on this. I dislike goinf to a cloth if store w/my 8 yr old and not finding lil girls clothes….cute dresses, skirts,…..they make all the clothes similar to teenagers and it annoys me. I want our kids to dress their age as well as act their age and society bow days makes it very hard :/

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  18. I am an employee at Victoria’s Secret, but quite honestly, whenever I see panties like this, I hide them in the drawers. The ones you listed are not even the worst I’ve seen sold at the store. I remember coming across a lace-trimmed thong that read across the front: Kiss This. I literally lunged and hid it in the drawer. I understand if there are young women in their 20s that would want to wear these for a serious relationship, but they should NOT be displayed for youth. I just wanted to post this to let you know that not all Victoria’s Secret employees complete line up with the company’s decisions. I work there to make grown women feel better about themselves and rarely work in the PINK room. You’re opinion and your stance are incredibly respectable and you are an amazing father. Keep it up.

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  19. The thing is why does a woman,lady, or girl dress sexy if men aren’t supposed to think they look sexy. I’m not saying it is grounds for a female to be raped but if they don’t want men to have lustful thoughts, don’t put it there. If you want men, including young men, to have lustful thoughts, put it out there. You can’t look sexy and want people to think you look sexy and not have those kinds of thoughts. It would not be normal. Underwear that says “feeling lucky”- what else could that mean? Agree 110% with the dad.

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    • No one is saying that men aren’t allowed to have lustful thoughts. The problem occurs when they act on those thoughts without reciprocation from the woman, when it turns to them thinking that they are entitled to have something just because it is on display.

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  21. What you write is nice and I agree with you. Unfortunately the world we live in is run by the money to be made. And right now, the demographic in our country with the highest disposable income is teenagers. And they like to buy stuff to look like all the grown ups they see in the movies. Modern psychology really helps out marketing industry– and they could care less about the overall effect their marketing strategies have on souls and lives. They just make money.
    Find a way into the hearts of every CEO and other executive and you might be able to make the change happen. Or somehow convince consumers to refuse to purchase such items… As consumers we speak with our dollars: where do we spend money to the exectivies and companies can make their money. Again, unfortunately, money speaks louder than words.

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  22. I wrote to VS and told them I have cut their credit card up, I also have cut up a gift card I have had a long time (because nothing looked like women’s wear). I also told them that I oppose their marketing strategies targeted at young teens and pre-teens to buy “come on” sexual suggestive undergarments. I told them that in my opinion this targeting is child abuse and they should be shut down. I say Boycott this store and tell them why. They can either change their business plan and go back to selling to a market of women that want to wear sexy undergarments or close their doors.

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  23. IM smith : grown women are not shopping VS secrets we have gone other places. Look around at your clientele. I am a size 6 and could easily wear VS secrets stuff but choose not to because it is for teeny boppers. The store changed their marketing and targets long ago.

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  24. IF YOU APPRECIATE WHAT THIS FATHER HAS DONE THEN SPEAK UP ALSO. Boycott VS and any other store that are selling inappropriate wear for children.

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  25. 13 year old girls have no need for thongs and sexy underwear, period! If my 3 year old wants to wear sexy underwear when she gets older, she can wait until she is old enough to get a job and she can pay for them herself. At that point, she will have to make some of her own decisions and hopefully, she doesn’t look for self worth in the kind of underwear she is wearing. I will not be buying thongs for my 13 year old, nor will she be wearing them until she is at an age where I feel it is ok for her to pick out her own underwear. If she doesn’t like it, she can move out and do what she wants.

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  26. The thing that struck me as so sad, was in one of the first few paragraphs he had already determined his daughter was going to be a rebellious teenager one day. We’ve raised three children (18, 23, & 24). They haven’t been perfect, but they never “rebelled” either. We have enjoyed every year of their lives. It isn’t a child’s destiny to rebel. They may. I did. But they are not destined to. If more parents would believe in their children and speak into their positive futures; showing them what Christ’s unconditional love is; the results can be wonderful:).
    On the subject of this new line of kiddie lingerie? Gross!

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  28. I completly disagree with this man and his letter. Women, teens, young girls, are beautiful, no matter there shape weight or size. When you go and purchase beautiful bras and panties they are made to make you feel more confident and beautiful, if your so worried or concerned about the saying on your daughters panties then clearly you have bigger problems on hand like why is your daughter showing them to other people. No one but her will know what it says on her butt and its to build confidence and originality not to just invite someone in.

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    • How does a thong that says Call Me on the front build her confidence? And why is she buying it if someone shouldn’t be reading it?

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  29. The latest crap from VS makes me want to vomit. We avoid malls, we avoid commercials and we fight to protect the innocense of our children, because they are worth it. We talk to them about modesty, we teach our daughters to dress in a way that would not distract another person from their amazing personalities, we teach them about the deceit of media, and we teach them that by being modest and by respecting themselves in this way, they are doing their part, however small in contrast to the tsunami of negative influence, to help young men avoid the temptation to lust. I set the example for my children by not just telling them what not to do but by living by those morals myself. My only objection to this letter is the reverends acceptance that his daughter will someday rebel against him and think him foolish. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We need to raise the bar for our children, especially morally. And fight against any bit of marketing crap that would objectify them and try to persuade them to believe they are anything less than the priceless blessings that they are! They are worth fighting for!

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  31. Rev. Dolive,
    God Bless You. As a mother and grandmother I too have the same thoughts and fears for my grandchildren.
    Thank you for your letter

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  33. I really couldn’t agree more! I really think its a shame and I hope, if they do come out with the line, it will be such a flop that they remove it from the shelves. I worry about this stuff a lot too, but I quiet my mind by telling myself that its my job as a parent to guide them in their choices now and when they’re older. Just like, in my opinion, it’s not age-appropriate for my kiddos I wear skulls and crossbones on their clothing. I can’t control what is marketed, but I can control what my money is spent on. I can try and explain why we don’t wear “ugly” emblems on our clothing (even if its hidden) and hope they understand as they get older.

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  34. I agree x1000. and Thank you. I spread this message everyday. Tweens /Teens should not shop at Victoria Secret or any other adult lingerie store. Period. I have a small underwear line, our motto is to keep girl comfortable, covered and cute. Again, thank you for writing this!

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  35. If you don’t want it, or support it, don’t buy it. This is one of those cases, where you are trying to blame others, for your possible problems. The simple solution to all of your “worries”, is, do not make that purchase for your daughter, and she won’t have to feel all of those things you don’t want her to. Your choice, I am guessing which one you will make.

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  36. I think both “sides” of the argument. I believe as women raising young girls who will grow-up to be women we must make a two fold approach:

    1- We do need to parent our children, and be sure that they are given a support structure that will affirm them and make them find self-worth and value as women in the community (and perhaps see how silly it is to spend so much money on lacy underpants when you could be saving it for something else…). We do need to be the ones to say no, and not just say no and brush it off, but explain to them why we’re saying no. If they’re old enough to ask for them, they’re sadly old enough to have a few things about life shared with them…
    2- We also need to stand-up and let companies know when their actions are not appropriate. Just because some mothers may permit that clothing, does not mean that VS should encourage more children to buy them! VS is a large company. SOMEONE should have said something. SOME WOMAN should have said that VS should not peak the curiosity of young girls, who don’t completely understand the consequences of sex, to play with those type of matches. A REAL MAN, should have at some point said that his wife wearing a lacy nightie is one thing, but his daughter wearing similar underpants and bras is another.

    We can point our fingers at whoever we like, but what it melts down to is that a lot of people (merchants and customers) have had opportunities to say that this was not acceptable, and chose not to.

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  37. My kids would never be wearing this, but isn’t it up to the parents, not the businesses, to be policing the children? We blame McDonald’s for making our kids fat, and everyone else for all our ills, without ever taking any responsibility on ourselves. If you don’t want your kids wearing it, don’t buy it. If you find it during laundry day, throw it out.

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  38. I pray that you take this fathers wishes to heart, I know that this is very true – I have an 8 yr old daughter and want nothing but the best for her I dont appreciate the way that all of the clothing lines nkoe these days are making lil girl clothes out to be divas, let them be kids for darn sake!!!!!!

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  39. I am a mother of a now 24 year-old daughter, a supporter and one time board member of ProjectGirl.com and someone who has worked in marketing roles. It disgusts me that VS would do this for a bottom line profit reason. However, we as parents need to help our children understand what the advertising industry does to convince you to buy their products. Organizations like ProjectGirl help to teach and educate parents, teachers and girls of all ages about advertising and what its really doing. We also need to help out daughters build self esteem in other ways. We need to teach our sons the same message. I don’t shop at VS, and won’t in the future. Why couldn’t they make lingerie for dogs. I understand those with pets spend more money than those with kids…just saying.

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  41. He is most definitely an amazing father and right on with his letter. To all you others bashing VS and mom’s who shop there and/or take their preteen/teen daughters with them, shame on you. VS has the best bras and panties in the lingerie industry HANDS DOWN. I am naturally blessed up top and my Mom taught me to wear bras that fit right to keep the girls where they are supposed to be. VS makes that easy to do. I started both of my daughters at VS when they turned 13 for the same reason. They have very modest, plain, solid color bras for these young girls. They are not sexy or lacy or revealing. They are supportive and they fit right. This new line would not be something I would even consider and I would tell my daughters that and they would understand because I HAVE RAISED THEM RIGHT.
    Do they also have sexy, lacy, revealing things for grown women in adult relationships? p Yes they do and I sure am glad ! But those aren’t for my kids.
    Shame on all of you who feel the need to lump people all together and stand in judgment. Some of us don’t shop there just to be “the cool mom”.

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  42. VS is not for anybody. You moms who shop at VS leave the impression in your children’s minds that this stuff must be Ok if mom shops there, As well, why would you support VS efforts to monetize sex? Is there absolutely no other place to shop? Too many excuses from you.

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  43. I am also a father of three little girls Evan and I cannot agree with you more. It sickens me as well that children are no longer being allowed to be children. I appreciate you sharing this and allowing me to know that there are other parents out there that feel the same way.

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  44. Thank you for posting this. My husband and I currently have custody of a five year old who’s mother was 14 when she conceived. We love our sweet girl and are so thankful for the opportunity that God has given us to raise her. Young girls have enough peer pressure out there to “fit in” with the crowd and to be popular. the message that “sex is fun” is made abundantly prominent through media, fashion, and the community that raising a modest daughter with a strong self confidence and instilling self worth takes a lot of work. However, my husband and I are up to the challenge. I believe that modesty starts at home. Talking with your daughters about what is appropriate and why. Even at five we set high expectations as to what our precious little girl can wear outside the house and what she can’t. We have had many discussions as to why she can’t wear certain dresses, shoes, and shorts and as of right now she is very confident and very modest! I am hoping she stays this was for a long time to come. Now we are having another little girl of our own…due Easter Sunday and will work even harder to make sure both of our beautiful girls know they are beautiful because they are a Child of God and He created them with a distinct purpose and to be beautiful in who they are!

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  45. I would have to question the designer of such items with such comments for a young school aged girl…..are they pedophiles? That is sick and very disturbing and anyone that would support it, let alone buy it or allow their daughters to buy and wear them are horrible examples to our youth. If Victoria Secrets does launch this line, I will no longer shop there and will take my business to Soma.

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  46. Am I ok with the line that VS is putting out? No….but I am also appalled at the notion that you are requesting VS do your parenting for you. If you don’t want your child wearing weird, tacky, emblazoned underwear, then be present in your kids life enough to know how they think, what they do and who they hang with…go ahead and keep writing letters that more than likely have been thrown away and recycled already.

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  48. thank you for your letter…I am proud of you for looking out for your daughters…wish more mothers would be worried about their daughters’ modesty and less about their “popularity”

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  49. No. No. No. No.

    So much is wrong with this.

    Have you been an awkwardlescent female? Or a confident adult female? Or female?

    So often parents and adults who write abo a teen’s perspective without ever everting back to how they felt. Do you know how many female members of your sepcies wear underwear they find attractive or flattering FOR THEMSLEVES?! And crap, half the time I do it because it is a ber quality and in the end more comfortable to wear all day long. I was gifted lasts and I WISH my family could have afforded high quality stuff VS had or they wouldn’t be the PITAS they are now.

    It is weird and creepy to think of your young adult children having a sexual side to themselves, BUT STOP SHAMING THEM! Having text on yher underwear doesn’t make them any worse or better. What they wear is not what makes them who they are. Stop. Your. Judging.

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    • Robin I do agree with you. Wearing this stuff does not make you out to be one thing or another. I have a few items of my own that I keep because I enjoy wearing them for myself. But I am an adult woman who has raised several children, been a “big sister” at one point to middle school, high school, and college girls. I have been awkward, insecure, selfish, unpopular… And I have seen these things in my girls and I encourage them to find their security in themselves, not in wearing the right underwear. Is it easy for them? No, it’s hard on them and it breaks my heart to see them go through school feeling that way, and I want to give them everything their friends have or that they see on TV so they can feel okay about themselves. But in reality, giving them those things is just putting a small bandage on a great big wound. If they can learn to have security in themselves now, with out “needing” all those other things, they will grow-up their whole lives being secure apart from anything and will not be constantly running around trying to get things that just vanish eventually (the right boyfriend… the right car… the right job… the right house…).

      The problem with these undergarments is that they are children, NOT young adult children. Most middle school CHILDREN have very very few responsibilities in the grand scheme of things. Most of the consequences for their actions are STILL also felt by their parents or guardians at this point. That is the problem with these things. It is tempting CHILDREN to enter an ADULT world that they do not fully understand the consequences of, and unfortunately a plea of “oh, I didn’t know” does not lesson these consequences. That is why it is our responsibility as parents to say no, to let our kids scream at us that they heat us because we won’t allow them to wear skimpy clothes because we know that being allowed to wear that skirt is just one step in a bad direction. Girls don’t just wake-up one morning and say, “Hey, I want to have sex today!” They walk down that path one step at a time. Whether these girls realize it or not, these items ARE a step down that path.

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  50. I applaud this father for his stand on decency and the unnecessary VS campaign to target and exploit young girls in such an obvious, sensual way. It sends a strong message to them, and to boys as well…that their worth is solely based on their body and seduction.
    Also I have long found it disgusting to see their provocative commercials on television, and have their skimpy clad models baring way too much for any general audience, including young boys and children. Why is this acceptable?
    Having their sexy catalogues come unbidden in the mail is also irritating. Years ago a friend told me her young son had several of them hidden under his bed, unbeknownst to her at the time. As she flipped through the pages she was shocked at the cleavage and sexual undertones of the pages. It is not right.
    Women are certainly entitled to purchase anything they chose, and enjoy wearing them. I have no issue with that.
    But it is a concern for a company to be so blatantly bent on insinuating themselves into your living room via television or your mailbox with their practically naked women.
    Enough already.

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