A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. Pingback: Mary: My Daughter is Not a Princess. Or a Tom-Boy. | On The Culture

  2. Dear Rev and everyone else,

    Stop jumping the gun about everything. If you all did your proper research and didn’t read an article from “The black Sphere” which is one of the most conservative blogs I’ve ever encountered, none of you would be freaking out like this. I’m a designer and I used to work for the brand. “Bright young things is just another collection from PINK, their keyword- Collegiate collection. NOT aiming towards your teenager. As my role with the brand I would always encounter the issue of parents freaking out about the marketing. I hate to break it to you, but sex sells and there’s nothing you can really do about it. That’s one of the main things you will always know about the fashion world. Unfortunately you can’t overprotect your children from so many ads, models, and anything considered sexy! The only way you as a parents can help improve things is by not being ashamed or embarrassed to talk to your kids. I was overprotected and sheltered all the time! It doesn’t work, and the biggest trouble makers were somehow always preacher’s kids. I grew up in a very conservative town in west TX. It’s going to be okay parents. Just do your research always and be open with your kids. Don’t always believe everything you hear and read. Do your research!

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    • You can “protect” your children from ads, models, etc. And it does work (although it’s becoming increasingly difficult.) Obviously it doesn’t work all the time or when it is done in a poor manner, and obviously a lot of it has to do with the choices of the individual who is receiving the protection, but, like I said, it can and does work.

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      • Something I forgot to add: I don’t see why you would get on him for saying this, he’s entitled to say whatever he wants, so let him say it. Just because you don’t agree with him, or share a different opinion doesn’t in any way nullify his right or reasons for saying this. It’s a very humble and reasonable request.

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      • Mike,
        Just like his is sharing his thoughts, I am sharing mine. I’m not here to bash on his parenting and wanting to protect his girls. But there’s always to sides to a story!

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    • The tone of this letter is very casual, makes no assumption about motives, no derogatory statements, simply states what he believes will be the consequences and asks VS to reconsider. The Rev also throws a casual ‘(or girl)’ into his hypothetical romantic situations for girls. I don’t think “jumping the gun”, “freaking out” or “very conservative” are the right criticisms here.

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    • fashionista yuliana,

      So it’s OK to treat college age ladies as sex objects? Why not instread encourage their study as engineers or programmers than flashing young gents their panties with provocative messages? By the time she is willing to reveal her panties, shouldn’t her partner already know it’s OK to come calling?

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    • Nice Try. There is a huge difference between sheltering, open conversations about sexuality and being totally slammed with marketing scheme after scheme based on sexuality just for the sale! “Sex Sells” is not a law of the universe that we must accept. I CAN IMPROVE THINGS as a parent by NOT BUYING a product even for myself as an adult from a company that is pushing their products into younger age groups. Collegiate Collection?! Really?! I do not believe that for one second!

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    • I can’t disagree more on the words “sex sells and there’s nothing you can really do about it.” That’s exactly why this father puts this article here and why we NEED to raise the public conscience against the ill-defined status quo!

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      • Absolutely agree. This marketing that sexualizes young children…yes, there is provocative clothing for 6 -year-olds…IS something parents can do something about. Refuse to buy these things for your children, no matter how hard they try to convince you otherwise…just tell them you would not buy them food that is toxic and let them eat it…these things are toxic for young girls’ self-image and direction in life. I feel the same way about make-up for children and young teens. It is about telling them that who they are is not good enough and that they need to look like someone else.

        Another tip to parents, especially single parents dealing with the other parent with different rules: I had this issue with my ex-husband’s sister who bought my daughter some provocative tops when she was about 12 or 13. When she brought them home, I threw them away. The rule was, if someone buys it for you when you are staying with your other parent and you keep it there; then it is something I cannot control. But if you bring it into the house, then it violates the rules of our home and it is DOA.

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      • Boy, I cannot agree more. Sex sells, so sell it to thoughs who are in the proper stage in their lives (married) and not to our middle school or high school girls. VS line Bright Young Things is also telling the middle school boys that this is what to expect out of their female classmates.
        Thank you Rev.

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    • Thanks, Yuliana. What you say about parents talking w/ their kids is so needed. Overprotecting w/o true discussion will always lead to more frustration. But it saddens me that you’re view is “sex sells” and there’s nothing we can do about it. “Slaves sell” – and there was something that people did about it. Discrimination worked well for some people, but the morality of treating human beings w/o the dignity they deserve was/is just plain wrong. Yes, sex sells, but would you really put money and a “nice” lifestyle over the innocence of yet another generation? Yeah, we probably can’t stop our whole culture from the excessive value it places on pleasure and comfort, but through discussions like this, we can ask each other to look into our lives and wonder why we hold those values so dear over the innocence of other human beings.

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    • True sex sells, but to adults and even young adults who can figure it out and assist them in finding themselves, not kids, never kids, limits have to be set if not we want and want and want, no structure.. I have 4 girls, some know who they are and some don’t , just because you can doesn’t ever and I meaan ever mean you should just some advise, research is good but like all things be open and not a name caller cause you disagree…or as you did above as well preach.. advise , thats all, just advise.. they will make good decsions based on good family.. but not all have good family or support, just sayin’..Cheers

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    • I have an issue with “sex sells”. You’re right…it does. But it also objectifies the women it uses to”sell” whatever the product is that it is selling. That is why in our culture girls who sleep around are considered sluts and guys who sleep around are just plain lucky, because our women and our girls are still considered “less than.” For me it’s not about being overprotective of my children…it’s about wanting something better for them. I personally am sick and tired of being treated like I’m stupid because I have a pretty face a set of boobs. Women are not objects to be used to sell things. We are people with ideas who add value to the world. And our young girls do need to be thinking about things other than advertising sex on their panties. I’m not ashamed or embarrasses of it. I’m just plain sick of it.

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    • “Sex sells and there’s nothing you can really do about it…” Really?

      I implore you to rethink your above rant.

      If you truly believe that the mentality of “sex sells” is appropriate for middle school aged girls then there’s a problem with your design team and the VS brand/marketing mentality in general.

      No, young women and girls should not be ashamed of who they are, their bodies, or their body image for that matter. However, selling over-sexed products to youths is going a little far. Yes it is up to the parents to shield their kids from these products, but brands also have a responsibility to market responsibly.

      This is about to be a PR nightmare.

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    • At Fashionista You must be a man!! “sex sells” you make me sick! Adults can decide for themselves what they want to wear. Young girls should not be targetted to sell a product. I was not aware that VS was that desperate! Grow up be a mom or dad or moral human being and care more about our youth and a little less with what sells. Oh by the way kid porn sells ,too. When will it be not ok to explode children for the gradification of sick adults???

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      • I’m reading lots of great comments and am gratified there are still some wise parents out there. Yes, sex sells, so does violence, so do drugs, so does porn. WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! Haven’t we had enough yet? Why would we possibly think it is OK for our daughters to be introduced to puberty with the main focus on their underwear. Save your money, your young daughter doesn’t even belong in VS. Her body is changing and hormones are raising havoc. THIS is the time to discuss respect for her body and the more important things that should be her priority at this time. Empower her as a woman. Encourage her to be all she can be.

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      • Ummm no Karen, I’m a 25 year old mature woman. Parents push the product on their kids. I’ve experienced it working with the brand every single day. It’s all about parenting.

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    • Just because you worked for VS, doesn’t mean you know or understand the company’s mission with this line of underwear. This line is disgusting no matter who it is aimed at. As women, we can be beautiful and sexy without advertising on our underwear. I am disgusted that you would condone such a line when it is, without a doubt, aimed at young women who are being taught to flaunt their bodies rather than their spirits. I agree we need to be open, and honest in our communication with our daughters (and sons). I have no problem doing that, but I do NOT need to be undermined by a company telling my daughters they need to be sexy at age 12. It’s disgusting. And how dare you tell us to “stop freaking out.” When a company targets my daughters to sell sex, I will freak out. That’s my job. I am their mom. I am here to raise them with confidence and strength. I want them to appreciate every aspect of who they are. Yes, they are beautiful and will one day be sexual creatures, but for now they are little girls. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of the beauty of the female body, I am not a prude or afraid my daughters will want to have and talk about sex. I welcome those conversations, but to say a company should market sex to pre-teens is deplorable. Do you have children? My guess is no, and I hope I’m right.

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      • Actually I understand the brand extremely well as a marketing point of view, consumer, associate, and designer. My role was a fit specialist. The line isn’t for middle schoolers at all. It was so frustrating having to deal with MOMS coming in to shop for their daughters and pushing something sexier or more provocative. I know that every parent raises their kids differently. But from my experience, it was rarely the teens buying the product is was the parents. So shame on you parents!

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      • I completely agree with you! I am a college student myself, 18, and I think that this line is inappropriate. No, I don’t have kids yet and I don’t plan to for many years (and nor am I a prude), but I would never want to even think of my future child/teenager buying sleazy underwear like that. People can criticize this opinion all they want, but I really don’t care. Again, this is coming from a college student herself…

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      • Lucy, you go right ahead and freak out girl….this women is just another mindless, soulless, lemmin follow the crowd over the cliff……

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      • fashionista yuliana,

        You crack me up. Initially you claimed (March 25, 2013 @ 10:28 AM):

        “I would always encounter the issue of parents freaking out about the marketing.”

        Then you get pounced upon and proclaim (March 25, 2013 @ 11:14 AM):

        “It was so frustrating having to deal with MOMS coming in to shop for their daughters and pushing something sexier or more provocative.”

        So first parents are overprotective and now they are pushing sex on their kids?

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      • Sadly it’s true. If I could have every employee tell you what the saw from parents you would just be shocked and mortified. It’s a sad world we live in today. Good luck with all your kids!

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    • Just because sex sells doesn’t mean it has to stay that way, the united states is nothing more than perverts and pedo’s. Why? The ideal perfect woman by men’s standards is a 13 year old with D’s and a coke bottle figure. Brands focusing on the ideal of “sex sells” are entirely guilty instead of making our women look and feel like objects contributing to self abuse, anorexia, and other health concerns are just terrible people. There is a lot we can do about it and it starts by boycotting greedy marketing brands like VS.

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    • I did look at the clothes and I, too, was reared in a conservative environment. I consider myself an feminist. However, while sex sells, you cannot deny that companies are not marketing to the very young. Just take a look at the ages of some models. There is a tremendous push to make tweens look sexy. Just like the kids themselves parents want their children to be popular. These companies are all about making money and the social consequences be damned. The fashion industry is well-known for its use of young half-starved looking women for models. To support it shows your lack of concern for your fellow woman and for women-to-be. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem, whether it be for body image or for what clothes are going to be put on that body.

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    • Fashionista: I think what you said just proved our point. Yes …”sex sells” but YES, there IS something we can do about it. Because MONEY speaks louder than words. They will follow the money and the least we can do for our children is TRY! I realize this isn’t your particular line … but as a designer with parents who tried to protect you … would it be awesome if YOU, yourself, came up with a more positive line of clothing. If you do … I’ll be your first customer!!! God Bless!!!

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      • Rhonda it doesn’t hurt to try. But take that with the actual Limited Brands company. There are some items that I didn’t like from the pink collection, but I have a more sophisticated taste. My own collection is actually positive and sophisticated. It’s a work in progress. Thanks!

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    • Fashionista, I did my research. I read Business Insider, not The Black Sphere, and the CEO confirmed in January they are targeting 15 year old girls.
      Just because you believe I can’t protect my children from the dangers of the real world doesn’t mean I can’t do my best educate them about how they are being manipulated my mega-companies. I’m a marketer, I know how it works.
      Sex may sell as pornography becomes mainstream (those platform shoes that used to be available only in fetish stores can now be purchased at JC Penney) but I don’t have to willingly, knowingly outfit my child for sex too soon. In the wake of Steubenville and the culture of rape that we seem to condone, the cheeky “feeling lucky” is a big “f” you to parents who choose to teach their children to respect themselves and one another.
      And before you accuse me of being a prudish religious conservative, I’m actually an agnostic progressive liberal.

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      • Yes, educate the children. Evil and temptation is everywhere and all you can do is educate and be open with your children.

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    • Fashionista…..Jumping the gun or not, even if this is to be done to a target market for college girls, are you really looking at the bigger picture? I mean as a “devil’s advocate” now you really are imprinting on the clothing for girl’s to be “asking for it.” What happened if a woman was raped while wearing your garments? She still has every right to say NO, but her clothes would literally be saying YES. Talk about sending mixed messages. (PS. Still NOT OK to rape anyone, this is just an example of the stupidity that is out there!)

      Let’s be honest, at what point do you stop selling sex? At what cost will it be? Sex is not the only thing that sells. When Dove brought out their marketing for women and girls to be comfortable in their skin, they increased their repsect and business. I dare VS to come up with something better than another “I want sex” line. Obviously I’m not taking granny panties, but they sure couldn’t hurt their image by creating something a little more smart. VS is a leader in the undergarment industry, so why not take a stand. In this day and age, maybe people would back you up more than you realize!

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    • so your saying the only way you can sell anything is to make it sexy? That says alot about the clothing line your creating.

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      • I never said that. But you have to realize the take on lingerie and any other kind of clothing is going to have different marketing concepts. I design career wear and ready to wear. Hate to break it to you!

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    • You are a fool! Preacher’s kids are not “always” trouble makers!!! I am sure you do not have children or you would not feel this way. And if you do……sorry for them!!!

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    • Yuliana, there is this: Limited Brands’ Chief Financial Officer Stuart Burgdoerfer confirmed Victoria’s Secret’s plans. “When somebody’s 15 or 16 years old, what do they want to be?” Burgdoerfer asked. “They want to be older, and they want to be cool like the girl in college, and that’s part of the magic of what we do at Pink.”

      So they truly are marketing to young girls.

      Mr. Dolive brings up a wonderful point about the types of things teenage girls should and could be concerning themselves with, chiefly their futures and how they can make the world a better place.

      I think we can all agree that sexually active young teenagers are generally way in over their heads far too early, and they don’t have the skills or maturity to cope with the consequences. As a first grade teacher in a highly disenfranchised area, I can attest to this. Many of my students’ moms (I don’t know too many of the dads, you infer why that is) are younger than 25. Many of them had children before the age of 18 and are now broke high school drop outs with no marketable skills, trying to raise a child alone. Some of them will rise above this. Most won’t.

      Making minors sexual objects, or allowing them to present themselves as such, has major consequences for, not only the minor, but our entire society. Doing it for profit (Limited, Victoria’s Secret, PINK, Hot Topic, etc.) is unconscionable.

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    • “I hate to break it to you, but sex sells and there’s nothing you can really do about it.”
      I believe that statement is untrue. I don’t dispute the fact that sex sells, I’d have to be extremely naive to think that. However I think there are MANY things that MANY people could do about it. Consumers can make the choice to buy products that market themselves more conservatively. Marketing strategists could stretch their creativity by using other means of promotion. Models could chose to limit the boundaries of what is “too much.”
      Collectively, the entire market COULD choose to emphasize a more conservative brand of sexy — real, all-inclusive sexuality that isn’t solely defined by pimping out the basest type of “sexy,” being that you have to bare it all to everyone all the time. Collectively, we could choose class over crass.

      But we don’t. Nothing we can really do about it? More like nothing we’re willing to do about it.

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    • Watch the documentary titled ” Killing Us Softly” by Jean Kilbourne. It takes a look at American advertising and discovers that the more things have changed, the more they’ve stayed the same. Breaking down a staggering range of more than 160 print and television ads, This documentary uncovers a steady stream of sexist and misogynistic images and messages, laying bare a world of frighteningly thin women in positions of passivity, and a restrictive code of femininity that works to undermine girls and women in the real world. just to make a profit. I agree with this father, he has every right to protest not just VS, but every agency out there that is trying to redefine womanhood. People like you, who think parents over-react and freak out and just need to chill out are the true dangers of our society. Yes, we have to educate our children, but that is because we live in an over-sexualized society. If we want our children to grow up with any sense of identity rather than objectivity, than we have to educate them. “Sex sells” is not new, you’re right so you believe then that the main focus here is MONEY not the dignity of little girls? You are in the marketing end, it’s obvious the only thing that concerns you is the MONEY and because of that you will let all of your morality take a flying leap out of the window. God help your daughter if she were to get molested or raped or worse yet, commit suicide because she can’t live up to the advertising agencies standards of beauty. You need help, this father does not need to have a more “open mind” Educate your own self on the statistics of rape, and girls who commit suicide because they feel ugly. Find a more meaningful job!

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    • Low blow with the “preacher’s kids” comment. Also, by your response it’s quite evident you have no children of your own. If and when you do, come back and read this article and you’ll understand more.

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    • It doesn’t matter what age your target market is, it’s cheap and degrading. You don’t have to be a Paster to love your children( No matter what age they are) enough to be affended by your desire to put money ahead of integrity and values that bring positive results in anyones life. Sex sells? You can’t change that? We just did. Ever hear of Martin Luther King? Abe Lincoln? Gloria Steinam and on an on. I would Love for you to meet my friend Jesus and I really sincerely mean that. He brings more happiness than money ever could. Have you ever thought about what happens when you die ? If you are wrong, eternity is a long time. You might want to plan for it.
      God Bless you
      Ps There is no money in Heaven.

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      • @ Barbara Neal, I am not saying I agree with fashionista yuliana’s opinion but as she is stating her opinion on an extremely controversial subject where there are going to be so many varying sides maybe it would be best to leave religion out as you do not know where her heart lies and her soul belongs and that religion had absolutely nothing to do with this conversation.

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      • This has nothing to do with religion Barbara. It’s all about parenting and open honest communication. Many parents lack it. You can’t deny it!

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    • fashionista yuliana
      I wouldn’t brag about your role in continuing the objectification of women. For someone thinks so highly of herself you might want to consider how you are being used to perpetuate women being used as objects, not valued as people. No one is “over protecting their children” when they are trying to avoide the poor message people like yourelf toss like trash all over the airwaves/billboards/pages of magazines/etc. We value our girls more that being a piece of meat that someone should lust after. We are proud of that – You might want to do your research lady – consider the increase in rape, sexually transmitted disease, the increase in poverty rate of unwed women and children of unwed mothers….Women are not meant to be portrayed as an object to be used for sex.

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      • My role is to help women know their size and what to look for I’m a fit specialist. I played no part in coming up with the media and branding. I speak from my personal experience as an employee and from a designer point of view. Nobody is saying for women to portray as objects, but in the end only you know what you can do to help protect your kids.

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    • TO FASHIONISTA YULIANA:

      SEX SELLS and we cannot do anything is an argument????
      is that really the mentality level and awareness people have these days? did we fall that low?
      I am also a designer dear fashionista yuliana. I do work in fashion industry, on a HIGH level, i personally purchase Victoria secret products, i was never confronted with conservative enviroment even within my family, and im not conservative at all. HOWEVER, there is a line which shouldnt be crossed even if sex sells. There is a thin line between “sex sells” and sex sells is taking away the right for a proper childhood, proper growing up and childish innocence. For innocence that allows you to build up your own human values.
      WHOEVER claims that a 15 year old girl should associate herself with lines “call me” or “wild” on her panties, is a person with SERIOUS personality issues.
      This case is not called “sex sells”. This is the case of taking away the right for a proper childhood, to our future daughters one day.
      Mistaking conservativity for common sense is a huge mistake.
      And YES, people can do A LOT. As small as initiative is enough.
      MAKE A CHANGE. BE A CHANGE.
      There are life values and human values which should be respected.

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    • Give him a break, he’s not being accusatory, just offering a different point of view to consider (which I’m sure Victoria Secret has and that they decided that the backlash wouldn’t be greater than the reward). The tough part is, in today’s society, every business is going to do what is best to promote the company sales. As a parent, you are forced to try and teach your child the family values and beliefs in a constantly changing environment because of marketing and societal evolution. I understand why Victoria Secret is doing this and taking charge of a potential booming market, it’s just sad that the market is young girls at such an influential age; one that already encounters more parental challenges compared to other ages. Although I don’t personally agree with the marketing directed to young girls, I believe that it is in the control of the parent to teach the child and promote positive self esteem and self worth, not the business. The environment will forever cause challenges throughout the parental years. Think back to what parents faced in the 70’s! The marketing and advertisement in discussion makes it harder for parents to shield their child from the harshness of todays actions and world (i.e. bullying, sexual activity etc), but it is just another challenge the parent has to face.

      I am a 27 yr old female with no children. I remember vividly between grades 5-8 and even up to age 16, awkwardly changing in locker rooms for gym class. In 5/6 grade I went to a Catholic School and had to wear uniforms. It was still kind of embarrassing changing in front of others, and you can’t help catching a glimpse of what everyone else is wearing. It does make you think about yourself, I feel, regardless of what you are taught at home, and you learn things about life in school and around kids whether your parents want you to or not; you just might not make others aware of it depending on how your family raised you to believe. I was thought of as a popular girl and I wore nice stylish clothes when I was a young teenager. Sex, thongs, kissing, etc were not topics of conversation in my household, EVER (horribly embarrassing and unheard of in my old school european family), but they were definitely heard of throughout my school days/activities. I remember trying to cut one of my regular panties into a thong and my mom caught me, awkward in the 6 or 7th grade. She was unhappy and told me I wasn’t old enough for panties like that and that she didn’t approve of them. That was it. They didn’t take me to buy panties like that, end of story until I could buy them myself. What my mom did do, was take me to buy new ones that were a little more mature looking and colorful; something from like Kohls or any other department store that sells bikini style or boy short things. Obviously they had thongs as well but that’s not what we were shopping for.
      Although I agree with promoting positive image of women/girls, I understand the business aspect of marketing this item, and I believe it is in the parents control to protect their own child from marketing ploys they don’t agree with. As for the “Call Me” thong, I think it is kind of ridiculous. “Sexy” sells, not promoting sexual “activity” at that young of an age.

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      • Right on Mary, I grew up the same way. The parents play such a huge part in this on what girls wear. But not everyone will understand!

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  3. VS also has their commercials during “family” hours on TV. ABC FAMILY airs these commercials before children go to bed. As a mother and wife I believe in normal and healthy sexuality in a marriage and that includes lingerie in my PRIVATE life as an ADULT. VS “going to far” with this line of lingerie cannot be said loudly or clearly enough. This signifies greed and depravity for VS.

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  4. You go, sir. I think it’s highly ridiculous how much young girls are trying to grow up fast & putting themselves out there as sex toys. That’s wrong. So kudos to you!

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  6. I’ve been a loyal VS customer myself since my teens when I “blossomed” and couldn’t find comfortable and attractive bras that actually fit anywhere else. But I would NEVER allow my daughters to wear such tasteless and tacky undergarments! I had planned to take my girls there for their first real bra as a celebration of entering womanhood. Now… well, I’m having second thoughts.

    In the oversexualized society we now live in, why on Earth would ANY company want to make such a disgusting product aimed at CHILDREN?!?! Sick!

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  8. Thank you for speaking on behalf of concerned parents like myself. I have a daughter who is three too and am trying hard to make sure that she does not grow up vain and shallow; and that she blossoms into a woman of substance and purity.

    Thanks once again, from Singapore

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  9. Thank you for your letter, Rev. Evan Dolive. I had not heard about this new line of undergarments. This concerns me, to say the least. I am a mother if 3 boys and 1 girl. In our home, we get to help a young girl grow into a young woman and teach three growing boys how to respect and nurture that transition. It is not easy. I do not believe that putting suggestive words onto panties is in any way beneficial to a growing girl. I do not think that girls should be ashamed of their bodies or hide them, but should be proud of them and protective of them. I believe that they are still getting to know themselves and their changing bodies, and that an invitation to “call me” is not at all appropriate for undergarments. Please think about the young girls that will be negatively affected by this line of inappropriate clothing and NOT just the money that your company stands to make. What’s next? A line of baby onesies that have pink ruffles and “just give it time” written on the tush?

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  10. I have a step-daughter who just turned 14. She is a very respectful, beautiful young lady. I have personally taken her to get underwear from Victoria’s Secret, and her mother has also. However, we did not allow her to get anything that was “lacy” or had any words that even promoted any sexual inuendos on them. VS does have underwear that aren’t provocative all the time. Just look in the 5 for $6 bin and you will see what I am talking about. However, I do agree that what they are trying to market to young teens it very inappropriate and as a mother to two sons and a step mother to one daughter I would have to say that I will no longer be shopping or taking my step daughter there anymore if they are going to be making this line. It is wrong and only makes our children think that they are sexual objects (not only girls, but boys will be thinking the same way). Young girls pants barely cover their hips these days and with these kind of underwear and pants combined, when the girls sit down all you see if the backside of their underwear and butt. What are we saying as a culture if we allow this? VS is wrong in promoting this line, and if they come out with it, they will lose A LOT of business. However, like I said, not all of their under garments are provocative, it is us as parents that need to decide on what we will let our children wear.

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    • Excellent Amanda Faulhaber!!! As a stepmom … I hear your heart. I think sometimes as step parents … we monitor our kids a little more closely because we are mothering for two other parents as well as ourselves. I love a lot of the VS merchandise … but now that they are even considering this … my VS purchasing days are over. And I think if we explain to our children why … it is a tangible lesson they will learn value from. Again … thanks for sharing, Amanda!!!

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  11. I am with you on this. My daughter is already a teenager for a few months now. I think its really tacky on their part. and all these shows you see on tv these days, yeah, they make for some good laughs, but in the end, would you want your children to think this is the way to act? I think not. I used to watch Bad Girls Club, but not anymore. They need to give it a new name. It also doesn’t help you have full grown women on tv acting their show sizes. Lord help us all!!

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  12. Couldn’t agree more, young teens do not need ” come get me ” underwear. Pretty would be much more appealing.

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  15. Dear Dad – You are correct. Those garments are for women, not children. But, you site that your daughter likes the princesses. Have you taken a close look at them? Watched their stories? Disney isn’t necessarily child (especially 3 year old) friendly. Children are fed so many mixed messages, that is why the messages that the get at home, that are repeated over and over will eventually be the ones that stick.

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  16. The one thing we must all remember is that you cannot legislate morals….they must be taught at an early age in the HOME…..our kids are always going to be bombarded with marketing tools….if they have been taught to be virtuous when they’re young they won’t depart when they get older…

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  17. Another of this cultures evident trends to destroy the worth and value of women. Just like in Muslim countries……Such under garments are entirely inappropriate for young girls….VS should lose money if they pursue this line…..as the parents are the ones with the cash to spend.

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    • Finally. I’ve been waiting for someone to bring this up! You don’t want to sexualize your 15 year old daughter (or even younger), then don’t shop for her at VS! Simple.

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  20. I totally agree that makes me not want to shop there again. I am trying so hard to raise my 13 year old but things like this coming from authority figures and glamour stores makes it so hard for us to instill the right things in our children today it is really scary.

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  21. I’m so disgusted with the corporate world anymore…it’s all about the bottom line, money, and getting lots of it, at any means possible. Can you imagine Laura Ingalls coming to this time and seeing these things? I never shop at VS, and I’ll do my best to convince my daughter and granddaughter to not go there, either (as far as I know they don’t now.) I even find the color of the store yuccy…I kind of know what it means…the subliminal messages it sends to the shoppers in there. Wonderful letter, tactful, respectful, and to the point, I mean, how can they argue with it?

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  22. Here’s some food for thought if you want your daughters to be free, and not defined by what they wear: Telling your daughter she can’t wear an item of clothing because it would make her a bad, promiscuous girl IS STILL teaching her that what she wears defines her. Wearing fun underwear does not turn a little girl into a promiscuous girl. If you’ve done a good job raising your daughter, wearing fun underwear is nothing more than that (and that probably won’t be any different even if you didn’t). Contrary to popular belief, wearing a certain kind of clothes never made me do something I didn’t want to do when dressed modestly. Don’t define your daughter and others’ daughters by what they wear! The real culprit for oversexing is the media, which is not only telling girls what to wear, but how to act, and what to do.

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      • VS is a company, not the media. They make money from selling the trends created by celebrities and the media. In some cases, companies can create a trend, but what do we see more of: VS ads or pretty women in their underwear selling anything from makeup or perfume to cars or movies. Blaming VS for that is like blaming rain for Niagra Falls.

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  23. The PINK line (on their site now) advertises for university students. I am not sure honestly what the age of consent is in all states but if I am betting many universities have students under this age.All I know is kids want what the older kids have, and to me they are walking a dangerous line.for little profit considering how many are already against their marketing this line. I may not be able to put it into words well, just seems kinda creepy and desperate like if a cigarette company put up adds at a university, or an alcohol company sponsored an event to win free beer at their school (they are asking for universities to vote to win a VS contest). These industries don’t do this sort of thing because they know they are walking a line. No one can make a young adult do one thing or another it’s up tothe parents to raise them right, but it’s still well, just creepy.I appreciate the letter the dad wrote asking them not to walk this line for profit.

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  24. I took my daughter to VS to buy underwear and bras at 13…. and her choice completely was conservative. I know for a fact she would not wear anything as tasteless as that. She never wore pants that had writing on the butt. Kudos to you for writing a great letter. Its all in the parenting 🙂

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  25. Don’t you think it’s important for girls to be comfortable wearing whatever they want? I feel like his message is perpetuating a cycle that says that a woman’s morality is HIGHLY dependent on her sexuality. Forcing girls to be ‘modest’- by not allowing them to shop at Victoria’s Secret- is oppressive. I highly doubt you will find a father or mother refusing to let their sons buy silk boxers. Nor will you find anyone complaining that young boys are being subjected to hyper-sexualized culture or saying that it is of utmost importance for them to remain virginal as well.

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    • You are uninformed, Eliza. It is not OPPRESSIVE to try to save someone from heartache—-which is what the result of promiscuity will bring our daughters AND our sons. And there is PLENTY of complaining about over-sexualizing boys. Girls AND boys are being bombarded at every turn—-and try as parents try, advertising does have behavioral consequences. If advertising didn’t influence behavior, no one would spend the millions (billions?) spent on just such every year. As parents, we not only wish the best world for our own children, but also their peers. We want them to grow up around other kids who care about what really matters. And we want companies such as VS to stop trying to influence them negatively—-all in the name of money.

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    • The double -standard of male vs female sexuality is very alive and well today. Men do not have a fashion industry that promotes clothing anywhere near the level of showing off HIS “junk” the way females do. Clothing that would allow females to judge the size of a man’s “gifts” AT A GLANCE, has yet to hit the runway. I certainly am not advocating for another downward spiral of morality aimed at young men in this way, But to say that VS is not promoting that a girl’s morality is dependent on her sexuality?! OH YES THEY ARE! In the extreme.

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      • Hello.. Skinny jeans and hip-hugging low-rider pants! Boys get the same negative messages through the media that girls do: be sexy/attractive and your life will be awesome! And again, there is a lot of equating wearing sexy clothing and being sexually promiscuous. Those two are NOT the same thing and last time I checked science, were not in a causal relationship.

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    • Actually, Eliza, I wrote a letter doing just that when I asked VS to stop sending their catalogs to me. I had never asked for them in the first place and didn’t like those near pornographic images in my home with young boys as well as young girls. Selling with sex is demeaning to women and girls but also targets men and boys on a base, unintelligent level. We taught our boys to respect women and taught our girls, and boys, to be worthy of respect.

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  26. Dear Dad, You cannot protect your daughter from all of the nastiness that this world has to offer. Victoria’s Secret is not a cause of the problem, perhaps just a symptom. The real solution is in parenting. I wish that the VS panties were the most serious threat to your daughter’s safety and happiness, but it simply isn’t so. It’s your job as a parent to instill the values in your daughter (which as a teen she will probably fight agains). With your daughters very young age, I shudder to think of what she will face before she turns 21 at the rate the world is going today. I wish you the best of luck and while I agree that the VS offerings that you describe are tasteless, there are many more dangerous obstacles she will have to face. Good luck to both of you.

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  27. I agree with what the Rev. is saying. Companies like this are targeting girls at such a young age. And to many of you blaming some mothers in this post…yes i agree that strong parental involvement is neccessary in a young girl (or boys) life. However, sometimes you can be the best of parent and still find that your child is gravitated towards this kind of stuff. My mother taught us very strong morals growing up. She taught us that as young women we have so much more to offer to the world than sex appeal. However, I still remember being at the mall when i was in 8th grade (12 or 13 yrs old) trying to secretly buy thongs when my friends mom wasnt looking.We thought that was what would make us cool. (Being 22 now I realize we were dumb kids lol) But companies like this target younger people too early. I like VS as a compnay. Mostly for their perfumes etc. but I feel that they are out of line with this idea. Then again I havent actually seen this line advertised. The only thing I see online is in regards to this letter to them. Maybe they wont follow through with the line. Maybe it was just a proposed idea.

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  28. Victoria doesn’t have any secrets!! The comment that rings the truest, in this and all other situations is, “parents need to decide on what we will let our children wear” or do, or watch, or go. Engaged parenting is the crisis of the last two generations.

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    • And companies like this have no responsibility for what they are?! VS should be secret! And for adults only. Why should they be allowed to to be so “out there” with their beyond PG_!# advertizing?!

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  29. This is so depressing. Yes, parents should be the one to put a stop to this, but teens so want to fit in and be cool. They are in bright colors and are cute. Who doesn’t want to have cute clothes? They could make undergarments that are pretty AND modest for young women and girls, but they’d rather opt to objectify their customers. I wonder what is wrong with parents who’d let their daughters wear such garments, but I seriously wonder what is wrong with a company who’d make them? As a feminist, I am sometimes so glad I had three boys. I don’t know whether I could have done a good job raising a daughter in such a high-powered, pressure-packed, world.

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    • Are we forgetting that underwear is not visible under normal clothes? Why does your underwear have to be modest? Do boys these days have x-ray vision or something? Are kids taking off their pants and shirts at school these days??

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  30. On Saturday I went to Victoria’s Secret to buy some new underwear. I walked past the lacy, frilly, phrase emblazoned displays to the center tables. There I picked out 10 pairs… standard cut, “shocking” designs ranging from beige (for underneath those work khakis) to a fun, bright pink. No phrasing. No designs. Just colors. On Sunday, I went to Wal-Mart to purchase some socks. There I navigated through a sea of preteen bras in low cut styles, thongs with hearts and pieces of candy on them, etc.

    You are barking up the wrong tree, sir. While I’m not a tremendous fan of the PINK line, it is the parent- NOT the vendor- that instills worth in a child. I can take my nieces (I am the mother of boys, and let me tell you, it is just as hard to raise a young man who is not only respectful of others but who understands and has strong self respect as it is a young woman) to VS and help them choose out modest, appropriate underthings. I can take them to discount stores and allow them to purchase provocative, obviously teen-aimed lingere as well. As a parent you can use those moments to reinforce the values you are trying to teach, practicing what you preach as you select the items of worth over those that do not reinforce your value system.

    As a society, we spend far too much time arguing about the window dressing instead of what lies inside. Concern yourself with what lies inside, make a conscious effort to build from within, and eventually there won’t be a need for the other. If won’t matter if VS forgoes their “Bright Young Things” line… because you can get the same items (and worse) right alongside the milk and eggs.

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  31. I agree with this man. Our young girls should not be wearing any type of clothing, undergarment or not, that is sexually duggestive. Wearing wild thing’ or ‘call me’ on undetgarments is just plain wrong for young girls.

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    • Because it’s easier to foster blame on everything else. Life is about choices… I don’t understand why people fight against that. You can say “absolutely not… and this is why.” and teach your daughter why that’s the wrong choice. Goes a LOT further than knee-jerk reactions.

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  33. I have a daughter that is 42, granddaughters that are 21,18 & 10. They have seen the dress of the STARS for years and they dress to stay in style. I HATE IT! They show too much of their body and where do you think they learned this? Not from their family. Television could be a great tool for learning, but instead it is used to degrade the morals of our children. I will put this matter on my prayer list and pray sincerely for God to deliver the young and old from the snares of satan and filth.

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  35. Shame on VS for Stamping “Sex Object” on young innocent girls!! Because that is what under ware of this nature is going to do!! We have teenagers dressing {or I should say under dressing} thinking that the sexier they are the more they will be liked. When in fact they are sending a message of,”I Am Trashy!!” Females need to be admired for there personality,intellectual interest & taste,passion, and the fact that they love unconditional!!!

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  36. This is disturbing on so many levels… I may not have a daughter but, I am doing everything I can to raise my son to be a kind, intelligent and respectful gentleman. Boys in their early teens are horn dogs, full of raging hormones, and VS is stacking the deck against my efforts to instill in him the belief that girls and women should be respected, not objectified. No good can come of pedaling racy panties to minors.

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  37. As parents we have a right, privilege, and obligation to attempt to provide our children with childhoods and innocence. Is it wrong for parents to be outraged that companies or society is trying to steal that from our children. As adults we know sex can come with babies, heartaches, diseases, and other nasty situations. But children are not mature enough to deal with these things. This is why we try to allow children to mature enough before having them deal with sex. Can sex kill? Yes, people die from aids, childbirth, done wrong abortions, even some birth controls have nasty side effects. So VS keep your nasty worded panties off any too young girl that is not ready for what the world wants or expects from her.

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  38. I totally agree, let’s not have our little girls grow up too fast, I agree with everything the Reverend has to say.

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  40. Personally, I don’t feel that sexually suggestive words on undergarments are appropriate for any age. I would not want a daughter of mine wearing such things at the collegiate level any more than I would want a teen to wear them, and face it, if they are out there and available young girls are being tempted to buy and wear them even behind their parents’ backs. Yes, it is ultimately the parents’ responsibility to raise their children properly, but society also plays a role, and society these days is making it harder and harder for parents to do so. We have even our schools and government usurping this authority, and it continues to get worse. Irresponsible advertising only adds to an already difficult situation.

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  41. Excuse me Reverend, I believe chastity belts were all the rage back in the dark ages. Perhaps a flannel jumpsuit and waist-high granny panties are the modern equivalent. If you don’t want your teenage daughters wearing this stuff, don’t buy it for them. Keep your rosaries off my ovaries, or something equivalent to that extent. I bet your letter isn’t at all embarrassing for them.

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  42. Shell I’m sorry but that last line was funny to me, where are you buying your milk and eggs?? Hehe! You have to admit that was kind of funny. 🙂

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  43. With the level of sexual assaults in this country being essentially the highest in the industrialized world by a very wide margin. Asking VS to tone down the trash talk (as in “feeling lucky”, “call me” and other nonsense prints) is not unreasonable. I lived in Paris for many years and they plastered lingerie ads by Aubade that were far me explicit than VS but they at least were never directed at young women or teenagers.

    I agree with the notion that a repressed childhood is no help. I attended GU and can tell you the behaviors I saw from the catholic high school crowd was nothing to hang your hat on. At the end of the day, its almost the same as for alcohol. Strict taboo and prohibition breed a taste for the forbidden and can lead weak minds to excess.

    Talk to your kids about alcohol, drugs, sex and guess what: they are MUCH more likely to listen to you than their ignorant peers. It will also show them that you care and that you are a role model of self-confidence.

    As for VS, do the responsible thing! Then again, judging from your past record, I know I’m barking up the wrong tree because stupid is as stupid does.

    Aren’t you the company that said you were going to dial back the explicit nature of your ads, only to then come out with trashier stuff in huge formats right on your store fronts. I’m raising boys and cannot pretend or hope to hide your stuff from them as its plastered everywhere their strollers go. Realistically, if I respect women, most of all their mother and demand that they do, they are more likely to.

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  44. As a woman who developed very early as a teen (got my period at age 9 and had full blown “womanly” breasts at the age of 10), it might have been helpful to have had nice fancy underwear to make me feel pretty. Instead, I was ashamed of my body and tried to tape my breasts down because no one else was developed like me. Wearing nice undergarments does make one feel pretty and might help their self esteem. While I do NOT agree with the phrases they are putting on them like “Call Me!” or “Feeling Lucky?”, I think they could do a young girls line with phrases like “Cutey Pie” or “Girl Power” that would be more effective. Besides, if you have raised your daughters right and advised them of sex and the consequences, then the only one seeing these undergarments will be your daughter, right? I’m no fool. I know that girls will have sex and the more you tell them they can’t, the more they will want to. But I think that if you provide them with good morals and guide them and listen to them, they will find the right path in life, regardless of what their underwear says.

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  45. The sad part is the younger girls weren’t the ones purchasing these “sexy/provactive” lingerie. The parents were always pushing their kids to get it. That’s why I don’t get some of the parents frustration. You can do whatever you want to boycott the brand but in the end it was always the parents buying the items and introducing them to the brand!

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  46. I am a married woman and the only time I dared enter VS was right before I got married. There were some cute things in there for a MARRIED WOMAN. But nothing in my price range. The problem here is that VS is in our malls where kids/teenagers see and on our tv on channles that kids/teenagers watch. I understand that the product line may be towards older girls, but the fact that the line is so risqué and provocative is the main problem. The focus is to women and sex. I don’t care if “sex sells”. It’s wrong. To try and sell this where teens and kids can see promotes that they should be wearing innapropriate clothing and having “fun”. Also, men/boys are VISUAL! When they see a VS ad or pass by they store they, by their nature, will be tempted and maybe even visualize a girl in those. This is also a big problem. Girls/Women are not a “peice of meat”.

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  47. Disagree.

    I disagree because the author is making an assumption: That Victoria’s Secret has some magical power to invade the brains of our kids and make them more concerned with getting boys and being pretty than focusing on careers or social justice. This assumption is incorrect – Victoria’s Secret, and any other corporation for that matter, has no magical power to infiltrate the minds of the youth. This only happens if the PARENTS let this happen. It’s up to the parents to be diligent enough and ensure their children are focused on what they believe is the correct social value system.

    It’s not about making sure they never come across Victoria’s Secret, because even if they don’t, they’ll come across many other “value distractions” in their lives. It’s about teaching them what matters in a world full of distractions – and that’s the parent’s job. Is it possible for a child to wear Victoria’s Secret underwear and clothes and still focus on personal development, getting a job, building a life, etc.? The answer is definitely yes.

    So why aren’t we, as parents, taking on the responsibility of teaching our children values instead of letting them learn through media? Victoria’s Secret can’t alter the values of our kids unless we let them.

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  48. I believe that this is a Horrible pre-glimpse of things to come.Our children are basically being ‘preyed’ upon as it is,this is more ammunition for pediphiles to live out more of their sick fantasies. I am a mother of (nowadult) 4females &they have MoRe than enuf pressures as teens&preteen girls to be ‘sexy,slim,fit,etc..’ & I’d have Never purchased this filth for them.

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  49. Victoria Secret is in the pornography business in my opinion. Their commercials prove that, and their product lines, whether to middle school or college kids, prove that they promote sexuality of girls and boys in promiscuous ways. They will do anything to make more money. It’s going to be up to consumers to let companies know by not purchasing the products of companies who “cross the line”. We must change the hearts of people and only then will business and government be forced to follow or they will go out of business. Get busy changing hearts!

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    • Predators don’t care if your child is wearing a potato sack! They are sick &$#@s that only want to violate a child no matter what that child is wearing and believe me, they could live under a rock for 30 years, never knowing the current child’s fashions, and they will still come out wanting a child for their sick fantasies!

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  50. Rather presumptious of this father to simply assume his daughter will be able to attend an Ivy League school, isn’t it? She may well be brilliant, but who knows. It is also possible that her best shot at earning a living will come from one day wearing a thong in public.

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