A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. Well, considering their target audience is women I think they are making a big mistake. Surely they realized they would be offending and thus issolating many of the mothers who shop there for themselves. I am married and have shopped at VS for myself, but I also have a daughter now. She was raised well so this won’t be an issue for us, but they did loose me as a customer. There’s just something wrong about a company wanting my daughter’s allowance money for sexy underwear.

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    • Thank you for saying that you will stop shopping with them. If everyone who has posted on this thread will give their corporate office a call or find a way to email them…bombard the CEO. This is such a serious topic. I had no idea until my cousing posted this on her FB. Thank you Reverend Delive for speaking up!

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    • Victoria’s Secret has produced many lines of undergarments which capture many body types, personal taste, variance of styles, colours, frills to no frills. This company has captivated much popularity world wide a population immeasurable. My question is; why would they stoop so low in the market place as to advertise such nonsense on the bodies of a young population. I would like to think they would maintain a higher standard in pleasuring the consumer with feeling pretty and “secretively” complete in how one dresses. When I first started to read the article my thoughts wondered off with the excitement that they produced a pretty, practical, affordable line for young ladies….I was so wrong!
      On a different note, putting pressure on ones parenting style or availablilty does not reflect on a girls choice of undergarment. Quite frankly, we all know, if the teen wants it, they will go out and buy it or find a way to get their hands on it. That is where I redirect the companies responsibility to what they market.
      I support Rev. Doline’s concerns in the “hidden” message that encompasses our girls, repeated reading of it most certainly can inspire a message to our young ladies, is it the right one. Lets not open the door to compromise for our young population, guard them as much as we can and not open a “pandora’s box” here where marketing standards are concerned.
      I will say, raising three teenage sons has a much different impact; buying them boxers as pre teens that read on the waste line. “change daily” was hilarious and well noted. Now that is a great marketing scheme.

      Iona Guindon,
      Ottawa Ontario

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    • Poor child rearing is not the only reason a young person makes poor choices. We make our biggest mistakes as parents allowing ourselves to fall prey to our own hubris thinking all our efforts have developed flawless, educated young people who will be exempt from what other peoples’s kids are doing. FALSE, yes your baby too! That bubble you think yours is in is the facade that may someday serve to be the catalyst of your devastation and disappointment. I pray that is not the case but what if I’m right? Better safe than sorry and better with your eyes wide open than wide shut, right? P.S. please stop trying to be your child’s friend! They only get 2 parents and a limited amount of time subjected to your will for a reason. Friends will be plentiful. Shame on VS and the music industry, fashion magazines, AMA ….. for targeting young people at a time in their lives when their very futures hang in the balance!

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    • I have shopped at VS in the past but will not be buying anything from them anymore. I have a 2 year old daughter and it is companies like this that I will do my best to protect her from. Adios Victoria Secret… Another customer gone.

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    • I totally agree Crystal! I am sickened by the lack of mothering these days. There needs to be a stronger presence and nurturing by parents of young children so that they don’t grow up to think that sex is the only thing that sells!!!!!! Self respect and self worth, good work ethic, respecting authority,…THESE are the things parents need to instill in their children while they are impressionable!

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    • Crystal I agree with you. It is up to the parents of these girls. When i went to HS back in the stone ages girls back then did not go to school dressed like they do now. Yes it was casual dress but not like they were going to a stripper try out. I drove a school bus and saw this all the time. Girls with thongs riding up their asses and tops showing more cleavage then they should be. Again if they dress like that if goes back to the parents.

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    • I agree that parents play the biggest roll, BUT I also have had some friends growing up that were raised just as well as I was and they would still sneak out to buy the underwear that were not allowed in their home, they would keep them secret and wash them separately so mom wouldn’t know about them. So try as we may when this trash is on the shelf kids will find a way to buy it if they think it is the “popular” thing to do.

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    • Don’t throw all the blame on the parents. As a young adult, I remember what it was like in middle school and to feel the pressure to get my first string bikini, because maybe then boys would notice me and girls would be impressed by me. I have wonderful parents who taught me well and built up my self-esteem, but no parent is a match for the pressure kids (especially girls) get at school to fit in.
      What do you think those middle school girls will think in the locker room when they see other girls in undergarments like these from VS? They’re going to want them too, and they don’t always need their parents to buy them for them.

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    • Camels cigarettes comes to mind. Remember when they had to quit using the cartoon camel because it “appealed to younger kids” ? The theory was that making a product “attractive, appealing or enticing” to kids was going to contribute to a certain number of them wanting to use that product. AND, for that exact same reason, cigarette companies are not allowed to advertise on television.
      So to say that if parents don’t buy it, VS won’t be selling it, is fairly naive. I’m pretty sure that MOST parents did not buy cigarettes for their 13 year old… yet an entire industry is now legally prevented from trying to make their product look attractive to 13 year olds.

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  3. I must say I lean both ways with particular topic. I agree children up to the age of 17-18 shouldn’t be considering underwear but being more focused on making a life for themselves. However, when considering how fast popular culture is moving forward it does not amaze me. Children are discovering new ways to build confidence and relationships (general relationships not just ‘love’ relationships) and this is one of them. ‘They are testing the waters’ of adult life.. Everything is available to them these days, they fear less then adults and don’t the how to set their values. I think that’s what every parent should consider, try. I don’t have kids and prob easier for me to say but I teach I’m with these kids a lot and I see their frame of mind. Its all false illusion but there are many false illusions that we as adults are stuck in. It’s basically training them, but to get stop anything like this from happening at all I think there are many things we need to change.

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  4. The reverend is absolutely right. This is one of the reasons our girls are becoming sexually active earlier and earlier. Nit only do they think they have to be a twig to get any attention but now in the last 15 yrs they think they have to be sexy and easy to get a boyfriend. it sickens me to see this. It is no wonder that so many girls are depressed and suicidal. They have a big order to be socially acceptable. What ever happened to the girls being kids till they went into adolenscence or for some time after that.

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  6. I do hope that Victoria Secret listens to the consumers, and what a great dad to write this, kids start young enough, why Victoria Secret would be targeting this audience just for money and greed, and not have any standards. You have great underwear, and its the first place i shop if i had a bridal party to go to. Unfortuananity you loose my business for one, even thought I no longer have young girls anymore. We can stand on our principle if u only stand on the $1 and the market

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  7. As a Muslim, I apreciate this article. Modesty liberates women, it does not opress them.
    For centuries all we have been saying by our modesty is that women are not just what we look like, we have brains and ideas and examples and things to teach you.
    Why does a woman have to be reduced to her looks and sexuality? It is dehumanizing.
    She doesnt. And Muslims and Christians have the same God. I know we cannot always get along on every issue, but the least we can do is pass down a future of honor and respect and true liberation to our daugthers together, just as God would love, that is REAL womens Liberation. Great article, family, stay strong in God, only get stronger!
    -Nawal

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  9. Shame on you, VS. Targeting middle-school-age girls is a cheap shot. At a time when young people are beginning to define themselves, you want the girls to define themselves as sexy. Shame on you.

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  11. Stopped buying at VS a looonnnggg time ago when they put their near-naked commericials on ABC FAMILY CHANNEL during holiday movies, like the Grinch. Seriously, why do 3-10 yr old’s need to be subjected to those commercials during family movie night! The mom’s sure aren”t going to run out and buy at VS because they are too busy changing the channel!

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    • While I agree with you Barbara the culprit here is also ABC Family Channel, which has so many shows and commercials on it that are anything but family oriented. They are the ones receiving lots of money to run these commercials. Maybe they should be boycotted, as well?

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  12. We all know parents have a hand in raising children but as the mother of a “tween” I also know that some of her wants and desires are shaped by her friends and what is popular. As her mother I would not allow her to buy these types of things. I am trying to raise a modest, respectable young lady who has high values and morals. I do not want these types of garments for her or myself. I wish they would not be on the market but they are so I will be using it as an example of what not wear and will take the time to explain why they are inappropriate for her.

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    • Good for you. If true Christian values are taught to children then the VS’s of this world will not be such a threat for our children

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      • Deuteronomy 21:10-14

        English Standard Version (ESV)

        Marrying Female Captives

        10 “When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, 12 and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. 13 And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 But if you no longer delight in her, you shall let her go where she wants. But you shall not sell her for money, nor shall you treat her as a slave, since you have humiliated her.

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    • Jennifer, when my daughter was in middle school VS introduced their PINK line and it was wildly popular with young girls. One of the things we spoke to our daughter about was not just VS garments, but all the labels kids wear these days for status. American Eagle, GAP, Hollister, all of that. We made it very clear to her that we wanted her to choose her friends based on who they are not what they wear and we wouldn’t want her wearing those labels all over her shirts, etc. just to be accepted by the crowd. My daughter understood and now she is 20, a junior in college, and trying to other young girls the same thing. She is an International Relations major with a minor in Religion and has felt a calling toward seminary!! (can you tell, I am so proud of her) Anyway, I just wanted to say, it’s all of the labels, not just VS. They all target these young kids and make them feel as if they need to wear the labels to be cool, low cut jeans are the only thing available, skin tight shirts, very short shorts. When we can steer them away from all that and make them realize they don’t need any label emblazoned across anything they wear, it will make a real difference. And hey, in the process, clothes at Target, without Hollister splashed across the front are much more affordable as well 🙂

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  13. This father is so spot on!!! So many negative influences on our daughters and sons these days. Not only does influence our young girls perceptions of themselves but also it influences how young boys perceive their counterparts.

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  14. This is such a reasoned and respectful opinion–therefore the internet trolls must read it and respond hatefully! Well, there you go….
    Rev. Dolive, you are right on the money, again, in a reasonable and respectful way. This move by VS seems like such a cynical attempt to add to the bottom line at the expense of young girls. I’m disgusted by it and appreciate your efforts to step up against it.

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  15. I am so sad to here of them even thinking of a line for such young girls. I have 2 grandaughters and it makes me sick

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  16. I would simply do to Victoria’s Secret what I did to another company that seemed to be directing the wrong message to children…I voted and will vote with my money.

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  18. I believe that VS is probably getting kick backs from Planned Parenthood. It is a fact that planned parenthood promotes promiscuity because the sooner children know about sex the sooner they want to experiment. The sooner they experiment the younger the pregnancies. And of course kids having babies is unacceptable so more abortions. More abortions = more money. And some of us actually believed that planned parenthood is there to support young women.

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    • Do you really believe that? That’s the most ridiculous concept I have ever heard! I seriously DOUBT that Planned Parenthood promotes early sex. They promote safe sex when the choice has already been made and options for women who have already made bad choices. I may not agree with abortion, but I don’t make-up “agendas of Planned Parenthood” as a result of it. Sad.

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  20. Im a very liberal women. Not religious at all. I shop at VS and honestly buy ALOT in there line of clothes from the catalog. I have children. I believe this line will hurt there business tremendously. We have enough to worry about in our society. Child porn is a big topic these days as well as human trafficing. What a better way to entice more pervs but to look at young children in ads representing this product. Sad…truely sad…what is wrong with our society?? The media, hollywood, etc..make enough money. Why target our innocent and impressionable?? This article was well written. I hope that more people will take a stand and protest this.

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  21. I believe this is based on a hoax. While VS is certainly guilty of over-sexing younger girls, and their product marketing is repulsive to me, there is no evidence of them marketing thongs with the words “call me” on the front to 12 year olds. The thongs are listed on their website under the regular, adult section. Now you could make the case that by marketing to younger girls they are exposing the younger girls to ALL of their products, which is a legitimate complaint. I think the argument that they should only market to 18+ is a strong one. Anything else would be irresponsible. However, the evidence suggests that they did not make this thong for 12 year olds. But this is the internet, where suspicion moves faster than fact, so I don’t even know why I’m posting this, it will be drowned out by dozens of misinformed post from the lazy misinformed masses.

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    • strange you have not heard this on the talk shows or on the news at any time. you must not be as informed as you think, Again as I said to a post earlier true Christian values will have to be taught to the uninformed before it makes a difference to them. Sticking our heads in the sand is the reason the country is in the shape it is in today. Stand up for what is right.

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  22. I’m 24 now but as a teenager i loved fancy underware, and i was a good girl, involved with church, had good grades and was a virgin. just wearing “sexy” underware don’t meen that you cant be a role model or will be sexually active as a young adult. just don’t put people in a box. Honestly it is all how you raise your children, Im now married with a daughter of my own, and if my daughter wants a pair of booty underware, or boxer style underware and her character is trustworthy id allow her. sometimes they’re not the “rebillious teenager” you think they are, JUST sometimes, im not encouraging VS to do this either, they are for ADULT ENTERTAINMENT,

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  23. “Pretty Young Things”, “things”? “things”? Just the name of the line is disturbing, and should give parents cause for pause … do you really want your daughters reduced to inanimate objects? I agree; this line is marketed to moms who live vicariously through their daughters, because they themselves have poor self esteem. Pity the girls who’s mothers are poor role models …
    Me? All the more reason to never step foot in Victoria’s Secret.

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  24. I agree 100%. Unfortunately, there are parents out there that will buy their daughters these undergarments and think it’s ok or funny. I have a son. I want him to respect women and young ladies …. but, I am afraid if he sees this kind of thing or hears about it… he will not. Respect for ones self teaches respect from others.

    Parents need to know that our children learn from us. When we have a self worth… our sons and daughters will learn self worth. HIgh or low….\

    God bless you for writing this letter. Maybe if we all write one and send it snail mail to the corporate office… they may change their minds….

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  25. I agree with the Father. Let children be children for as long as possible. For one thing they have so much energy, as they rumble tumble around and to see a frilly underwear, see through underwear, on her bottom by boys, or anyone is just obcene.
    Cater to adults only. Leave the children alone. GREED< GREED, GREED

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  26. I see girls with pants that have writing across the bottom and I think, “That is not where I want people to be looking, ” No matter the age of the young lady, I think this is an invitation. We need to come forward and speak our minds to the persons selling this type of item. Abercrombie and Fitch have a store in a nearby mall. When they first opened, they had all of these posters of half dressed young men and scantily clad young women. I protested that all of the families bringing young children to the mall, would be exposing their children to this. A clothing store should show clothing. I am sure I was not the only one to complain and the next time I went to the mall, there were shutters on the store and you had to go in to look at their inappropriate advetisements.

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    • I am with you there. A&F, Hollister, and similar stores drive me crazy. How can they advertise their clothing using models that aren’t wearing any? The answer is simple, they aren’t advertising clothing. They’re advertising that if you wear their clothing you will automatically become sexy and desirable.

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  27. Okay, a couple things. One, I appreciate the heart behind this. As a preschool teacher, I have seen the effects of the sexualization of kids already and it breaks my heart. Two, the underwear is not necessarily the issue, in my opinion. I love fun underwear and have since I was young, but I have never been anything even remotely close to “promiscuous.” The issue is the marketing AND the parenting. How it’s being marketed and how they are targeting their target audience is an issue. And as far as parenting goes, yes, parents are the ones who bring this stuff into their home. Additionally, it’s their job to counteract the negatives societal exposure might have. I was given a very strong sense of self-worth from a young age and a good understanding of where true beauty lies. I never questioned if I was loved. Sadly, I know this isn’t the norm any longer. I have seen that it’s not. I would guess that while yes, Rev. Dolive is appalled by the underwear line itself and the marketing, the real issues addressed here are the larger societal issues that are harming our nation’s youth.

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  29. I have a four-year-old granddaughter, and the thought that VS would target preteens and tweens sickens me. It’s true, we can all vote with our pocketbooks, and I will, but maybe this also gives us an opportunity to talk about the many inappropriate “role models” out there. Thank you to the dad who had the courage to swim against the tide!

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  30. I totally agree with this dad … My daughter is 7 and i cant imaging shopping for her at victorias secret when shes what 10 – 12 no way she should not be focused on that she should be focused on school and praising/serving her God and being a kid during these years not on how sexy her bra is ! Heck at 12 i hated the fact that i had to wear one much cared what it looked like ! .. I like sever parents who posted here am trying to raise a modest daughter .. A God fearing one and until shes married vs has no place there … ..
    Shame on vs …

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      • Fearing God does not mean to be “scared” of Him, but to love Him so much with constant desire to please Him in our daily lives and be AFRAID of causing Him pain.
        People twist these things without wisdom and full understanding.

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  33. You know all this tells me that they are targetting young generation their aim is to start manipulating the principles and their worth. I see the big picture they want to affect them as they are the new leaders. They are trying to slowly but strongly teach them wrong things.We must stand up against this nonsense. They are corrupting the next generation to come. As they make every effort to corrupt, we must also teach our children the right things…if only they know right from wrong they will make the right choice.

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  34. I don’t even buy the worded versions for MYSELF! If you’re lucky enough to see my undies you’re first of all very lucky to have even made it that far, so must not be a total freakin’ idiot. Secondly, seeing as you’ve got the personality and mental capacity to have garnered my attention enough to get to this point, can conjure up your own opinion on my “assets” without VS needing to literally spell it out for you. All I can say is thank GOD I was blessed with a little boy. We’ll likely have to go no further than choosing between Express or Academy for his under garments, though you can bet your bottom dollar he is and will continue to be instilled with the values and understanding that women are so much more than what’s in or on their panties.

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  36. then don’t buy your daughter slutty underwear?
    This is the equivalent to blaming Electronic Arts for putting out a violent video game to children, if the parents don’t buy it for their kids, it will stop being made.

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  37. Our bodies are a beautiful creation of God and because of this, they are to be protected and treated with respect.
    It is sad how the word *PURITY* means nothing in this world for many.
    I encourage everyday to my children to abstain from everything that is not good. Starting with the common way of talking they hear outside our home, using words like “hot”, “sexy” as innocent as they appear to be, but really are NOT! !
    It encourages in a subliminal way, to focus on the superficial and shallow value of the body and not in the value of human as wholesome.
    Different are adjectives as beautiful, handsome that appreciates the whole human being, the beauty as a whole.
    Now, with more reason acting in this direction by creating underwear that provokes “sexual activity” at a very early age and establishing as *ok* for girls not physical nor emotional MATURE is a big huge mistake that will have noticeable consequences in their future.
    Every human being is sacred and is conformed of not only body but soul & divinity created by God!

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      • Is it any of your business whether her daughter (if she has one) wears a burka? NO. By the way, you don’t have to wear a burka to be dressed modestly. I wear sweat pants and t-shirts sometimes, and that’s modest. Burkas are usually worn by very religious Muslim women, not Christians as this woman appears to be. So please stop posting about Burkas. Actually, stop being a troll. Thanks

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  38. I am about 99% positive that this pastor’s accusation is completely false. This is obviously just some bible-thumper looking for an excuse to persecute Victoria’s Secret because he would rather his women be completely covered head to toe and have no personal freedoms regarding their body and sexuality. This “Bright Young Things” line is definitely not marketed towards middle school-aged girls. It is marketed towards collage-aged WOMEN and if anyone dares to disagree with me then you should probably go look it up for yourself first.

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  39. As a woman, wife, mother of a daughter and son, and minister to families I am in absolute support of this father’s comments. Unfortunately, if this line makes it to the stores, there will be moms who will take their little girls into this store to purchase these products and their thinking – what’s the big deal? who is going to see them? Well, moms in a survey done at The University of Texas School of Public Health, they found that 12% of 12 year olds surveyed have already engaged in sexual behavior. So, yeah it’s possible someone will see it and it won’t be the 12 year old girls at a sleepover!

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      • oops. I meant to comment to the one above you. Do some research. The claims against VS are false. I’d be 100% in agreement with everything said if it were true. There’s no new line by VS marketed at younger kids.

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  40. So… I agree with everything you’ve said… if it were true. Do you have a link to the article or press release saying that VS was releasing a new line for middle schoolers? I read the one on the Black Sphere. Is that the one you’re referring to??

    I’ve dug and dug, and all I can find is that Bright Young Things is NOT a new line, it’s just the ‘spring break’ subset of the Pink Line. That line is still targeted at college aged women. From what I read and could find, they aren’t making the underwear in smaller sizes. They’re not using younger models. They haven’t changed anything about how they advertise or their target market. (Seriously, all the items you mentioned are under their PINK section, with the only mention of ‘pretty young things’ being a banner over the spring break photos).

    I would love to see the info that I’m obviously missing… unless this is just another case at everyone taking an article on the interwebs at face value without researching the topic themselves. From my FB news feed being filled with reposts, I’d say that happens a lot.

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  41. If you don’t want your child to wear it then it is really simple, don’t buy it for them and tell them they are not allowed to buy it. It isn’t up to everyone nor is it your right to decide if this is appropriate for the masses. It isn’t up to Victoria’s Secret to raise your child appropriately. If you can’t control what your child wears then you should be taking a look in the mirror at what the problem might be.

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  42. Once there is an economic impact, they will reconsider.
    They’re a corporation. They’re only concern is profits. If it’s good for business, regardless of how immoral, unethical or unhealthy it may be, they will always opt for the choice that makes them money.
    If this youth line of lingerie tanks, they will pull it from stores.
    But appealing to a corporation’s altruism, morality and virtuosity will not impact their marketing choices.

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  43. Hi Rev Evan

    As a Dad of two girls under 10 who are big into fashion and all things girlie, thank you for your stance.

    best wishes from Ireland.
    Steve

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  44. I was stunned when I first heard this. I have a nine year old granddaughter and I can’t imagine her in VS undergarments. Thank you for so eloquently putting my shock and anger into words.

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  45. Thank you, Reverend Dolive!
    Victoria’s Secret would only be perpetuating low levels of morality among young girls.

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  47. Hrm. Um. hmmmmmmm…

    Look, I see it like this.

    Our culture is fucked up in a lot of ways but one of the most important ways in which it’s universally fucked up is this insane set of ideas we maintain around capitalism and democracy. As a culture, Americans insistently don’t understand their definitions and conflate them with all kinds of things that are neither. Free markets are an example. Our markets are anything BUT free. They’re constantly being fucked around with. Demand is not allowed to develop or subside on it’s own. Advertising is used to directly manipulate demand for products. Even worse, we’re all subject to button pushing emotional appeals pretty much constantly (burn your cable box though plenty will still get through via billboards and print and just plain old repititions from friends and family! fuck!).

    Anyhow, let me wander back on topic.

    I RECOGNIZE that my daughter is going to experience a holy-fuckton of these emotional appeals and starting fairly young there are going to be a host of them aimed at her personally, her sexuality, her insecurities and her social group. I can’t hide her from them and much as I would outlaw all advertising were it mine to do I can’t do that.

    So, I do a couple of things a father CAN do.

    1) NO COMMERCIAL TV. We’re fortunate enough to live in the age of NetFlix and DVD so I can keep the advertising out of her head for a while more or less. Why is this important? These emotional appeals are ALSO emotional conditioning and emotional instruction. She needs a chance to develop all the way through her concrete cognitive stage without this cruft if she is to stand any chance in the face of the media-advertising-shitstorm when she’s older.

    2) WE TALK ABOUT ADVERTISING WHEN WE SEE IT. You like Sponge Bob? That’s great. That’s not sponge bob. That’s toothpaste. Do you like brushing your teeth? No? See, the advertisers know you don’t want toothpaste. They want you to want to buy it though so they put a Sponge Bob on it. It’s still not a sponge bob. It’s still just tooth paste. Let me pick out a tooth paste that tastes good and works to keep your teeth clean. That’s what’s important about toothpaste. If we see a sponge bob maybe well get that too. But if we’re going to get something you like lets make sure it’s what you were looking for instead of a trick like that. Right? NO ONE LIKES TO BE TRICKED so you need to really THINK about things.

    3) I MOCK places like McDonalds as “Clown Food”. We talk about the ways not-food is snuck into your food. Why would you want your food to be full of stuff that’s not-food? Gross. Yeah, this goes for a lot of things consumer-culture oriented. We try to deal with things in terms of their qualities.

    4) We talk about social acceptance and seek a healthy social environment among friends who mostly don’t get steeped in advertainment, video games and television. I also try to demonstrate healthy relationships and boundaries with media and screens (sometimes better than others)

    Am I worried about my daughter encountering Victoria Secret advertisements? Sure, I’m worried about anyone trying to push her emotional buttons and stimulate buying behavior. That’s not “free” and that’s not “freedom” and she didn’t get a “vote”. But I’m arming her brain with an arsenal of lethal cognitive devices and I’m imprinting them in her ~young~. I’m hoping this culture of thoughtfulness and mindfulness will be a lifelong pursuit for her.

    Sure, she’s going to suffer fools. That’s just part of the process. But if I do my job as a parent right she’ll suffer them only briefly and quickly grow tired of them.

    So too for stamping her ass with her underwear. I don’t think I would stop her from wearing it but I would talk to her about why I thought stamping your parts with a cattle-like brand seems doofy (and try REALLY hard to strike the right tone between sage wisdom and fatherly advice so as to avoid her feeling like I’m mocking her).

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  48. I have a teenage daughter and a 2 year old daughter. It amazes me how people are putting so much weight on something like underwear. I know as a woman, the only one looking at me in my underwear is my husband, but it makes me feel pretty to have on a nice matching set. My older daughter feels the same and no one sees her in hers. I dont think its about sex. I love the feeling of brand new socks, some people like the feet thing… does that make it sexual? Things just need to be put into perspective.

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    • You don’t see a difference between nice, pretty matched sets of underwear and underwear with words emblazoned on them? Who should be reading what’s on your daughter’s backside? What is the point of having words there?

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  49. I agree that VS is wrong to sell these items…if it is, in fact, not a hoax. HOWEVER… children spend money at the mall. Many times, parents do not know what has been purchased. These items are easily hidden in purses.
    Many children hide clothes in their backpacks and change (under and outer) clothes in the bathrooms at school. Teachers will not go in the bathrooms (fear of sexual misconduct allegations). Parents only find out if they come to school and see their child during a “surprise” visit.
    With both parents having to work; many children wash their own clothes. How will any parent know?
    I say this because 1. Many parents trust their children more than is deserved. Children will do their jobs as children…being secretive, lying to parents, etc. 2. Too many parents do not do their job catching them at it.
    PARENTS..invade your child’s “personal space”!!! HELP THEM!!! They are bombarded with knowledge but have not learned the wisdom to go with it! They need you to say “No!”. They need you to investigate.

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  50. Okay one… they’ve been making panties like this for YEARS! Just because someone on the internet claims that they read somewhere else on the internet that this was true, doesn’t make it true. If it is true, parents shouldn’t buy it for their kids and shouldn’t let their kids buy it. However, I doubt its true seeing as how VS is owned by a man who named the company after his wife and they have children and grandchildren of their own;including girls. Either way, this isn’t new and also this line has never been advertised…

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