A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. Dear Pastor Evan, Sadly this is where our culture is going. As you know, the best thing for your daughter is to know and love our Saving Lord. Filled by Him, she can make wise choices for herself with your guidance. As the mom of two teens, there will be rebellion and disagreements, but ultimately nothing can take them from His hand. Pick your battles. (I gave up on no jeans in church as long as they are going!) Fix her eyes on Christ. Blessings this Easter season. 3 John 4

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    • I think her being filled by someone is what he is worried about, if she is wearing the bright young things clothing line it wont be long before she will be filled but not by the lord but that boy two desk over HAHAHA!

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    • This why our country is failing fast. No regard for the idea that this will lead a child into nothing , but trouble. But we must consider the almighty dollar, right victoria’s secret

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    • I think the Pastor has a responsibility to address this particular issue head-on, with those in the “fashion” industry who make these really poor marketing choices, and the rest of society pays for it. Stop it. Stop encouraging little girls to grow up before their times. Stop encouraging that part of our society that victimizes young girls as well. WE have responsibilities to take action when its warranted. In this instance, it’s warranted & burying one’s head in the Bible isn’t going to achieve the goal of NOT allowing others to victimize society because they don’t know any better. The “fashion” industry apparently does NOT know any better & thus is in need of some direction.

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    • This would be a battle I would pick if I had children … whether or not a child has Christ in his life will not change the impressionable thing called peer pressure. That coupled with the fact that boycotting a corporation speaks volumes … I say fight the fight … this one is worth it.

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  3. On Super Bowl Sunday everyone was just enthralled with Beyonce’s (admittedly flexible and talented) gyrating dance moves without regard for the fact that sex is being sold during a ball game where the whole family is watching! What messages are we sending our youth? It isn’t just a little girl issue, it is a message to young boys that a girl is a sex object when these garments are marketed,displayed and made available. The only way to deal with these companies is through their pocketbook. Just don’t buy gift certificates and shower gifts, Christmas gifts. graduation gifts there until they pay attention…and drop an e-mail telling the company why you won’t be shopping there any longer…that is the only way. It will only get worse in America until indecency hurts the pocketbooks…

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  4. High five & well said!!!
    I have a 5 year old and I have the same message I send her…to value herself and ask herself how she can better the world..not worry about her (inappropriate!!!) undergarments.

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  5. I’m pretty sure this is just the new VS Pink line. I saw that “Call Me” thong in the store yesterday, and it’s only offered in the same adult sizes that VS Pink has always been offered in. I’m pretty sure VS is still only interested in marketing the Pink line to women in their 20s and not middle school aged children.

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    • I have a 12 year old daughter and she is into “adult” sizes for many things as are all of her peers (mine is actually a little shorter than most of her peers). it’s around age 11 or 12 that they grow out of the kids sizes and need the teen and adults sizes, so seeing only adult sizes isn’t a guarantee that they aren’t being marked to children. However, so far, I haven’t seen any VS advertising for children and I hope I don’t see any.

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      • If you look at the girls faces in the televised VS ads, you will notice that they look to be about 15 years old..you have to look past the professional hair and makeup. These are not ads with the supermodels in their 20’s like they used to produce. These girls are much younger now. That change alone proves they are marketing to a younger age (middle school and high school)

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      • It’s not appropriate for anybody, any age, to see herself objectified as a mere sex toy. That’s one place “women’s liberation,” Christian values, and common decency overlap…or so it seems to me.

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      • No, but more to the point, we need to stop this kind of inappropriate marketing to younger girls. Don’t confuse the issue.

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    • Agreed! You see the same kind of underwear sold at Target, Wal-Mart, Kohls, Dillard’s, etc. jumping out and singling out VS is absurd. I have never seen any advertising of a teen line from VS but I assure you that if you go to Wal-Mart and stroll through the lingerie department you will see this style in teen sizes and in lace trimmed thongs with wording on them. Oh … And NOT at $7-$15 a pair. They are only $2.99-$6 a pair. Wal-Mart is where teens go to spend allowance money … if your 10-13 year old is shopping at VS then they will get the same at a higher price and better quality. That is the only difference. VS also sells appropriate cute styles with simple prints and sports teams. And being a mother of a daughter and being a daughter myself … just because it is a size XS does not mean it is targeted to your teen. It means that women are that small, too. For one, I think I safely say that women choose their underwear to feel like underneath their clothing they do not have a panty line showing, they feel pretty or think it is a funny statement all for themselves. IF a teen is showing their underwear to a boy two desks over … it isn’t VS fault. That would be the young girls decision. Whether it is beige granny panties or a pair of hot pink boy shorts or a lace trimmed thong that says wild one.

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    • This line is aimed as teens. There have been many reports on TV about it, including the new ads that include teenaged girls dancing around in the products.

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  6. I know it isn’t much but parents need to pull together and tell that same thing to our daughters. I for one will not be buying my daughter those items and I will tell her actually why. Stay strong for your kids.! Blessings!

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  8. I agree with the Rev. for one thing not all girls are going to be raised proper, and are not going to make good decisions and they are the ones going to be hurt by these garments. We have to take a stand somewhere at sometime. Stop advertising sex in there clothing.

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  9. Most often… all it takes for evil to succeed, is for good people to say, “Its a business!!”… I hope the guys at VS heed this guy’s letter… Wish you luck…

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  10. Just one thing I’d like to nsay to you Rev. – do not assume that your child will become a “rebellious” teen-ager. That does not have to be. When you pray with and over you little girl (and I trust that you do this!), pray positive affirmations over her. And if you don’t know how, find out and get with it NOW!

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  11. maybe they aught to rate under garments like they do movies or video games, it really does put a lot of peer pressure on our children, because everyone else is doing it. I have 4 children and 2 are girls, and yes they liked victorias secret as teens, i don’t think it was middle school though. If you try to insist that they not where something than they will rebel, and it is hard raising children with out the extra rebellion. So i agree that they should reconsider putting this line out and targeting our middle school children.

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  12. There’s nothing wrong with pretty underwear.

    But, there is something wrong with risqué underwear for young girls.

    My two middle school daughters do have underwear and bras from VS. However, when we have shopped there, we have discussed items that are inappropriate and have purchased only appropriate things. It has actually produced some good conversations about self-respect and how slutty does not equal cool.

    Parents don’t have to buy the panties with sexy messages. If the items don’t get sell well, VS will change the designs to ones they do sell.

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    • I read all the comments and this is the only one that makes sense. Parents should take an active stand in their young girls lives and TALK with them, not lecture. Pretty underwear gives confidence from underneath, which has also been said by a lingerie store owner for older women. I wore cute underwear when I was in high school but I wasn’t a slut.

      The only way to stop this is to not buy it.

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  13. On a slightly different topic, I was shoe shopping for my 5 & 3 year old girls & I saw shoes with HEELS on them for girls as young as a year old! This HAS to stop!

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  14. I also must say I agree with this letter. I have a 7 and an 11 year old. I just recently bought bras for my oldest, which is difficult for a Dad in the first place. Yet, I did it because it is the right thing to do. Education and NOT marketing is what society needs. I think they should remove all comments and I believe the writing is disgusting and has no place on a pair of underwear for my daughter. Sex is a part of an adults life and should be maintained as such! Adults that are responsible and accountable! No more of this to just make more money! This is ridiculous!

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  15. Thank you for writing this letter. If there is a way to convince Victoria Secret to make a change I will be on board. It is so sad that this company will now target children, it is bad enough that the women half dressed are plaster all over the walls in the mall. Thank you again.

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  16. is VS not aware of Sex trafficking and how young girls are their targets. This is so wrong in many ways. We live in a sex craze world where teens and sadly even younger kids are taking inappropriate pics of themselves, this will just help encourage that. Perhaps they need to watch a human trafficking movie or the movie Megan’s missing. We as parents have to be involved in our kids/teens lives and that includes what they’re wearing under their clothes.

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  17. You didn’t even look at the line, did you? It’s not underwear, its summer wear. Shirts and swim suits, stuff like that. I know your natural instinct is to be outraged, but just because a brand might typically associated with one product line doesn’t mean they can’t expand into new markets. The Pink line, for example, sells far more than just lingerie. If you’re going to be outraged, at least know why you’re outraged, or else you’re the one being a mindless aggressor, and that’s certain not what Jesus would want.

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  18. Kudos to you, Dad! 1) For recognizing the danger, as well as, 2) For speaking out against it, even before it affects YOUR family. Would that there were more like you.

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  19. I also have daughters, three and eleven. I COMPLETELY agree with VS not doing this. I am already explaining to my 11 year old why she can not wear some things due to the inappropriate nature of them. I am appalled that VS would do this. I am 34 years old and do not shop there for myself and definitely will not now. I feel that anyone that allows their self esteem to be defined by their undergarments is sadly lacking in self worth. I also teach high school and see that girls are so sexually open already. Lets just put them in pretty underpants so that they feel the need to display them!!! What idiot thought of this anyway?? Obviously someone more concerned with making money off of a demographic that needs to remain innocent instead of teaching them the values they will need to be successful, strong women.

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  21. It is called creative design… It is an insult to a child and to women. Your body is to be a temple of God.. Respect it as such. Yes, it is up to parents to convey this message.

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  22. Even if the clothes aimed for this age is appropriate, walking through VS to get to them is most likely not. The massive signs that cover the windows with women barely covered up in provocative poses should not be at the entrance to the store that I am taking my daughter old shopping.

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  23. He should also blame video games and movies for violence committed by his child at some point in the future. Apparently he went from infant to adult or he completely blacked out his formative/rebellious years (assuming he had any). Kids are kids are kids. Just because something is available to them doesn’t mean they will access it. You cannot as a parent watch your children 100% of the day (or their friends–which would be creepy anyway). If you do, you may end up with a kid that does far worse things than wear questionable underwear. What you CAN do is teach them to respect themselves and to be strong individuals. I agree that, as a parent, we want our children to be strong, independent thinkers (boys and girls). I just don’t think that an underwear line is going to thwart my efforts to raise good kids. (I hope he wrote similar letters to the company that produces the “Pink” line…it’s equally slutty IMO). This reverend should worry less about the free market and more about his parenting techniques. If he is successful in one area, he won’t have to worry as much about the other. Or maybe he should just buy her a chastity belt.

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  24. I SO agree with your message. Sadly, without some intense boycotting or heart-searching by the corporate men and women who produced this campaign, their efforts will not stop. They will very likely say, “If we don’t do this, someone else will get the consumers to buy THEIR version of these items.” It is often about the almighty dollar, which every single one of us as American consumers has helped to create. Few of us are principled enough to take a smaller paycheck if it meant that we would cut down on some of the godless programs and sales gimmicks we see everyday, but we like to whine about it anyway and expect corporate giants – whose entire focus is money – to make changes.

    I would encourage every believer around the world to stop complaining only and to start DOING something, maybe like boycotting – and sticking to their boycott – certain companies (not just VS) that blatantly undermine godly principles. Musical artists like Beyonce and others whose sexuality is used to sell videos and CDs and concert tickets are just as bad. I sometimes think that Christians have been lulled into a stupor by the sirens told about in The Odyssey by Homer. We are lulled into complacency, always thinking that we aren’t as bad as those horrible people who are actually DOING these things. In actuality, we are equally responsible if we support their incomes through purchases and promoting them. Just sayin’…..

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  26. Rather than pleading to VS about changing thier marketing, I have simply determined that they have stopped marketing to me. I therefore am taking my business to Soma. A lingerie store with dignity. A store I would not be ashamed to take my daughter to. I remember the first time my Mom took me to VS to buy a bra to go under a strapless dress. I felt special and beautiful. Today, “special and beautiful” or age appropriate is no where in the VS marketing. I will simply respond by shopping elsewhere.

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    • Love this…and it works! If noone is buying their merchandise, they will be the one who will have to decide and worry about what they are going to do.

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  27. Way to go Rev. I have kids and my youngest is 12 years old. I buy everything this is not something I would buy. Also teach a child as much as you can. I teach this- Guys reach sexual peak sooner than women do. Women don’t start reaching it until 17. If you do have sex before for this time in life you are a fool having sex for someone else. I do not raise fools.When you hit 18 a young woman with the tools to handle this I will get you to a doctor and go over everything you will come acrossed. Does this work ? Well my oldest daughter’s first appointment I had a doctor shaking my hand saying he doesnt see much of this.Also I keep a old worn Dear Abby discolored ripped out letter from a 16 year old girl that did have sex at that age and what she thought of it.Very hard to raise children good luck, Best way remember what it like to be a teen yourself. I also use god in my house to help me raise children. You can lie to me god you can’t. Best foundation in the home is to have god there to back you.He has helped reach my children a few times.Yet for this to be any use I guess you would have to know him through his words of wisdom and teach it to your kids. I don’t think you will have a problem with this Rev.

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  30. I agree and I would absolutely boycott VS if they proceed with this line. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.

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  31. Well I do not mind VS for girls as long as they have solid full bottom underwear. I just will not purchase anything other than this for my non-working child. She should be happy with anything we choose for our children to wear. She does have some cute printing on some of her underwear but, it’s not sexy it’s I love myself, it’s is it Friday, and other funny cute things. I urge parents not to give on to buying inappropriate items. We make the money. We should choose how we spend it.

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  32. It might be morally wrong but the bottom line here it seems to me is demand. Somebody’s demanding the stuff so VS produces it. This is the fault of the parents (not necessarily the parents here), raise your kids right and demand would stop or shift

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  33. Thank you so much for writing this letter! I totally agree that middle school aged girls should not be “advertising” their bodies. This new line that Victoria’s Secret plans to launch would most definitely draw the wrong attention to an age group that is already so vulnerable. If VS chooses to launch this line targeting middle school age girls, I will stop shopping with VS and take my business elsewhere.

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  34. Beautifully written. I am a mother to 3 daughters: our oldest will be 5 in June, and twin 2.5 year olds. Though I was aware of how sexualized everything was back in the 90s when I was growing up, this takes the cake. I am seeing innuendos for parents to understand even on Disney movies. Between that, having sexy clothes in the girl section, push up bras and padded swimsuits for 8 year olds, and thongs for tweens, this world is getting scarier. I know it’s scary to have daughters and we can raise them to be more proud of their brains and concern for others more than worry about their breast size and being a virgin equals being a nerd, but BOYS need to be raised to be gentlemen, treat girls as equals, that girls are worth respect and not look to them for sex. A good example is the rape case by the two football players a couple of weeks ago. Blaming the victim is a part of a sad generation who devaluized women for just sexual objects and men are worth more. FALSE. I everyday make sure my girls look pretty, but more importantly are honest, polite, learn, communicate, and feel loved. Perhaps love is the most important thing of all. If girls are loved correctly and constantly no matter their looks or intelligence, they will look for love in the correct ways and when it is age appropriate. GOOD LUCK to all parents. We are letting our kids down if we allow them to buy or wear this underwear because it is just one part of a larger problem!!!!

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  35. I understand where you are coming from and I don’t disagree; however I believe that we need to be reaching out to parents and talking with the Christian community about taking a stand. I believe that raising our children in the way they should go, teaching God’s word, and holding each other accountable are ideas that are being lost in the name of “loving one another” and political correctness.

    Yes take a stand against VS, Hollywood, etc.; but fix the mind and heart on raising a stronger generation of Christian soldiers and real change may occur.

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    • I don’t think you have to restrict your taking a stand ideas to the Christian Community I’m sure there are plenty of people of different religions, or even without religion, that find this line that encourages girls to think of themselves as sex objects to be objectionable.

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  36. Keep teaching her good values and I’m sure she’ll be herself even if she wears VS. Guys values like self respect, self love, self esteem and more start at home. Come on, VS will not influence girls with strong values. Perhaps if your daughter is much more turned into good things, she will not use VS or VS with those messages.

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  37. I agree with him wholeheartedly, and want my children to grow up with good values and morals and believe it is my job as a parent to instill them. I also believe that good parenting and family values CAN overcome media exposure and peer pressure, you just have continue working on your relationships with your children and these do not begin “overnight”. You have to work on them each and every day. that being said, I am realistic as well, and realize that we are going to have challenges.

    I want my daughter (and sons) to grow up and have a health body image and healthy view of sexual relationships, and realize that wearing these type of garments (i.e. at the appropriate age, times, etc) IS appropriate and even good to do.

    My daughter is 15 years old, and is very modest for her age and IS worried about what college she is going to attend – and while she LIKES VS Pink – and VS because she likes to wear pretty under garments – she only wears certain styles because she has decided others are “inappropriate” (her words) for teens … and opts to only wear ones that she feels provide enough “coverage”.

    I don’t see a problem with a teen line as long as they keep it fun, bright, pretty and provides appropriate coverage, (i.e. age appropriate) and forgoes the tacky jargon. After all, what girl doesn’t like to wear pretty things?

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  38. I’ve shared this letter on my facebook page, with a note: Shame on Victoria’s Secret.
    Let’s tell our merchants when they offend us. There’s lots of recent talk about the rape culture in America. How could these garments not inspire peer pressure and rape? SHAME ON VICTORIA’S SECRET.

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  39. I have two daughters that are 5 and 8 and if they take after their mother, they will be beautiful and not lacking in certain areas. I am going to have enough issues without having to have this argument about how cute the underwear is. Do I buy Victoria’s Secret products. Yes. My wife loves their lotions, sprays, and so on. She also purchases the undergarments because they are a quality product. They last and she gets better wear out of them. My point is that Victoria’s Secret does make a quality product and products that are designed for a specific time in a young woman’s life. In my opinion, that moment is for after she is married and only for her husband to see. This is a perfect example of how the devil has taken something that God created for a specific reason and has screwed it up to use it for his own evil desires!

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  40. Check out the FB page Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies — they sell a line of clothing intentionally meant to fight the oversexualization of young children, as well as gender stereotypes.

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  41. I totally agree that we parents have to put a stop to this by saying no to sexually oriented advertisements. We should all join forces and lobby against advertisement that have sexual content.

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  42. There is only one word for it. GREED!!!!! Until Greed dose not exist, these kinds of things will continue to happen. Greed and money rule this world. Sadly not a whole lot can be done about it, it just continues to get worst. The more money they make the more they want, its never enough and they obviously do not care who they hurt in the process.

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  44. People need to understand its how you raise your kids. There will always be things we dont want our children subjected to in the world but thats life. Children need to learn to make choices on their own. Vs isnt launching a line for teenagers its for 20plus and at that age they should be an adult. And by wearing undergarments doesnt make you a slut or sex object it makes a woman feel attractive and build confidence. So if a woman wears granny panties and bras they would be made fun of and feel less attractive, at the end of the day you can walk into a walmart or target and find booty shorts or undies that say cutie, hottie, wild why are we critizing vs which is a classy timesless fashion for adult woman. Just my opinion

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  45. A lot of undergarments and outer garments for that matter are currently sending the wrong messages! It is up to the parents to teach their kids (boys as well) what should not be acceptable. I’ve seen elementary school kids wearing garments with inappropriate messages. Please parents stop and think before you let your child walk out the door in clothing that sends the wrong message. Modesty is always the best policy. Call me old fashioned if you like, but teaching my son to show restraint and chivalry and to respect girls is an important lesson in morality.

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  46. An excellent letter / article, and I agree, whole-heartedly. I have daughters that range from 17 to 5, and I’m thankful they are Godly young ladies – and that the VS line is far from their purchasing thoughts.

    However, the low levels of Corporate sleaze, these days, is not surprising – just disgusting, and degrading. With the freedom that Christ brought to women, may this Easter Week be a reminder that His love and commands bring us truth, and true freedom – to live and enjoy life to its max.

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  47. In a world where good is called bad and bad is called good it’s very hard to raise children. I have four strikingly beautiful daughters and I have taught them from day one of their self worth and what modesty is. If you take the time to teach them while they’re young in a loving and encouraging way what modesty is, they will not stray from it when they are older. Children emulate in their own way, whether we like it or not, what their parents are. So, it’s up to us as parents to set the example at all times, even when we don’t think anyone is watching, because your children always are.

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  48. I am not a believer in a god, but that doesn’t make me think that this is right! Undies for children should be PLAIN or at the least covering. Marketing “sexy” clothes to kids is WRONG.

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  49. There is only one way to get them to reconsider. Boycott them and tell them you are doing this. Hit them where it hurts the most, in the pocketbook.

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  50. Dear Pastor Evan, I agree whole heartily. I have watched the Barbie era influence young girls & moms pushing Barbie’s at their girls at the young age of two. Now this, I have never fallen into the Victoria Secret trend. Frankly I think it’s ridiculous when a woman says she only buys from VS, but that’s an adults choice. Thank you for writing this letter.

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