A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father

/ Rev. Evan Dolive

An open letter to Victoria’s Secret regarding their choice to make an underwear line aimed at young teenagers. (Read about it here)

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,

Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

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2,835 thoughts on “A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father”

  1. To this DAD and all other parents: 1st off train your child as a young toddler of what is acceptable clothing and what is not. If you dont want your teen wearing butt writing or bikinnis, etc then dont put it on them as toddlers and tell them it’s cute. Also, hello parents YOU are the ones buying their clothes, be a parent and just say NO. If they bring it into YOUR house then you throw it away. They will realize quickly that it is a waste of their birthday, Christmas, etc money to buy stuff that is inapporiate if you throw it away EVERY single time. Also, I would have to say if my child kept coming home with inapporiate things bought then that would be the end of shopping with that person. Next, dont put society’s curse on your child expecting them to be a “bad teen”. Tell them what you expect and demand that and that is what you will get. Yes I have 5 kids, age 10 to 14, 3 boys (10, 12 and 14) and my 2 girls are 11 and 12 and when my 12 yr old went out bra shopping with me for her 1st real bra, she was like,”why do the bras and panties have such colors and such on them? NO one else is suppose to see them but you”. It is possible just start that concept and any other things you want them to learn as toddlers.

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    • i think your the one wrong here. this guy is right. im a 17 year old mother (judge me i dare you since you think your just so perfect) 12 years shouldnt even know about sex much less bewearing things that tell them to. this stuff should be made for people more my age then CHILDREN. your just mad because hes right. think about it when your kids are my age theyll barely have anything covering their butts bc of crap like this being made. throw it away and itll be your money your wasting.

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      • If you think a 12 year old isn’t going to know about sex you must be living somewhere that Shariah law is practiced. You say “shouldn’t,” but even then I’d have to disagree. Girls are reaching puberty often now at 10, so by 12 there is very little that they haven’t heard about at school. By 8 or 9 mom and daughter need to have had the talk about sex, which should include respecting their bodies and thinking about how they present themselves and how others perceive what they do and wear.
        For the original topic, unfortunately, this stuff will sell to immature mothers who like Victoria Secret products. They’ll take their 12 year old daughters to the store, get what they need, and then think it’s cute to sexualize their little girls too. I know a few married 30 year olds who still dress and act like they are 19 and single. Why their husbands tolerate it I’ll never know, but those are the main ones this is marketed to.

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      • Sarah –

        You are so right – I learned when my daughter was about 13 that if I just forced her to wear what I thought was acceptable, all she was learning is that she should wear what other people told her they liked, because she started talking about what she would wear when she could “wear what she wanted. And it was always the trashy, popular stuff.

        My wife and I started, instead, letting her choose and talking with her about it. At first she insisted the jeans that showed her butt crack when she bent over and the shirts that exposed half her breasts were “what SHE chose to wear,” but after a while she began to agree that others were forcing her to buy unflattering clothes designed by disrespectful men. Especially since, unlike when I was a teen, there are almost no choices today – once a style is popular, all fashionable stores sell only those styles, nothing else.

        I applaud this dad – anyone who thinks they can just “tell” their daughters what to wear are seriously missing a major point of parenting – your job is not to replicate yourself in your children; your job is to use every gift God gave you to help them become who they are supposed to be. This is a lot more work and a lot harder than just being a thoughtless parent, but the rewards are much, much greater.

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      • SO OFF TOPIC TO THE MAIN ARTICLE—Sarah, people will judge you.. People might judge your daughter. I am a product of a young mother. My mother had me at 16. When I was first born times were tough, but I didn’t know better.., by age 6 my parents owned a house and now I take my kids to that house to visit their Yia Yia.. ( grandma in Greek). We have a special relationship because she was young.. Not many parents have this relationship with their children. Other mothers will be jealous of the youth.. , they will judge both parties.. Just shine through and prove everyone wrong. A loving mother can come at any age! ‘

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      • The Dad is right. I am stunned, Sarah that as a parent, you feel you have so much control over your kids.

        It is worry some to see such naive and ignorance. God does control us but instills in us the power to make good choices when faced with adversity. However do we always make the right choice? No.

        I am a parent. I want to love cherish and nurture my children. I want to teach them to make choices and be strong.

        I know it is not through tight legalistic control that God does not condone or lest I remind you Paul and his teachings. Jesus taught of convictions and not condemnation.

        As parents, we need to speak out when we see businesses like Victoria’s Secret making products that degrade our children and do so to make money.

        I pray my children grow up knowing Jesus and become examples of Christ. I know by making a stand as this father has, will be an example for his daughter. A powerful example of knowing when to speak up because, it is the right thing to do.

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    • While i agree, u miss a substantial point. If they launch this line, they will advertise. If they launch the line other kids with Bad parents will buy it, which will cause the social peer pressure to kick into high gear. Its not like that forces the parents to buy it but the commercials and pressures will still have an impact on the child’s mind, be it unconsciously or consciously. For girls this young these kind of clothes should be illegal, or if not illegal have enuff of a negative view in the eyes of the ppl that ppl would boycott. As they did with that STUPID chick fil a gay issue.

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    • I think your response to this letter is uneducated and silly. Of course we should try and instil these values in our children when they are young, but not everything we say is going to register. Shame on Victoria Secret for this line, and shame on you for saying that this letter is anything but appropriate and well written. My 16 year old sister will wear “appropriate” outfits out of the house and change once at school.. What then? Pull her out and put her in a bubble? Society is largely contributing to this sad way of thinking that aargh number of our teenage girls have.. That they need to be sexy to be liked.

      Congrats to this dad. That is one lucky little girl.

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      • Tarbear, There are many things out of a parent’s control. We do our best and pray that enough good sticks. There are different methods of parenting, and I have no idea which one is the best. What I do know is that a parent’s biggest fear is the day that their child learns that we really don’t have any control. Just like your sister changing at school. It’s not until we get older still that as adult children we realize that accepting that our parents really never had any control is probably even scarier. It means that everytime we were able to protect our child(ren), kiss it and make it better, or cleverly help them stay out of harms way… honestly we lucked out. The only things any parent has in common to go on is instinct and experience. I was always a solid girl/teen/woman. Not fat, but I could never be a size 4 or 6. Society told me that made me ugly. Shame on them! Now as a parent, here is a man, with many supporters, who doesn’t want his 3 year old to grow up thinking that she has to be sexy at 12 to fit in or be accepted. So your sister changes her clothes at school, you haven’t told your parents, you probably did the same thing or something equally disapproving in their eyes. Every one is guilty of that. We are all somebody’s kid. And we all have done something we don’t want them to know about until we are at least 30….
        But somewhere in there, I pray you the blessings of a child…. and then somehow, in just a millisecond, the world becomes a much scarier place. And you don’t want ANYTHING to hurt,pressure, or intimidate your creation. I promise you, you are right where you need to be in defending your peers, hold onto this and open it again on your child’s 2nd or 3rd birthday. You will have a good laugh and a good cry at the very same time. Good Luck Tarbear.

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    • I know where you’re coming from. But your girls are only 11 and 12. Wait till they reach 15 and 16. Once girls reach their teens their parents can’t control their decisions anymore. So many researches in psychology have shown that teenagers start being influenced my peers and parents’ opinions do not matter to them. Especially once they start mixing with boys and getting boyfriends for themselves. “You don’t want to buy this for me, mum? Fine, I’ll get my boyfriend to buy it for me.” These kinds of blackmails are common. And it’s not easy to just throw their undergarments away, especially ones that they bought or received for their birthday, and get away with it. Once they find out, they’ll throw a massive tantrum and worse, they’ll start hiding things from you. I’ve had friends who asked their friends to keep their skimpy clothes, so that they can wear them when they go out without their parents finding out. And you whatever you do, do not use the “my house, my rules” on them. Not only is that unhealthy, but they would start looking for places to live. And the option includes moving in with the boyfriend. (And you have no idea what kind of boy this is.) As a parent, I can see why you feel you are solely responsible for the person they grow up to. But to be honest, you are probably blessed that your children have good-natured friends. Trust me, friends decide whether you become a good or bad person. I’ve just turned 21 and I’ve been through both phases. And I know how teenagers think these days. I completely agree with the dad’s letter. As a mother, I’m surprised you are not against this. Would you like to see your 15-year-old daughter sporting those kinds of underwear? Yes, you feel that it’s the parents’ responsibility of bringing them up to make the right choice. But what if that parent is unfortunate enought to have a stubborn child? Would it be fair for other teenagers to defy their parents and wear them while yours is good enough to not wear them? The sole existence of this line triggers a bad mindset in these teenage girls. If there is one girl who gets influenced by this line, that is one life ruined. And I’m sure there will be plenty. The media is already bad as it is; we don’t need more negative sources.

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    • Thank you Kris, you are absolutely correct, it all begins in the home! It’s up to us as parents to train them up in the way they should go.

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      • and sometimes life doesnt plan out like that. peer pressure sometimes has more power than the parent. Kris is NOT right. you can be the perfect parent and still some children fall into peer pressure. this father is doing the right thing for standing up for what he believes is wrong. and if you dont think an underwear line is wrong and your child wont fall into peer pressure, good luck. your gonna need it.

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    • I 100% agree with Mr. Kincaid., People are failing their children by not training them from a young age. Do your job as a parent and don’t rely on places like Victoria’s secret to do the right thing. They are for making money. They do NOT care about your children. And with proper supervision, your child won’t be in a place like that in the first place.

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    • Kris, I have doubts as to if you are actually a parent or are removed from the actual parenting. I am a parent. Of two wonderful kids and i am hard on them; probably harder than most parents. My children have manners, know how to set a table with utensils and which one to use properly. They hold doors for people and say please and thank you. But the pressure to fit in that is in EVERY generation is still there. I can teach my children until i am blue int he face, but they still feel the need to fit in. I choose my battles and sometimes the education about appropriateness is had, and the product is still purchased. I have planted the seed of self worth and I will nurture it. Retail needs to pull back and the letter from the father is a great start. Many byears ago another family did this success was had. I applaude his efforts to start the ball rolling.

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    • Kris Kincaid…you are not wrong within your post. You are not thinking correctly regarding Rev Dolive’s letter. Marketing is marketing…and as a parent of five children also, between the ages of 22-34, and with my youngest three girls, I’m all too aware of peer pressure, “what every one else is doing,” etc. I agree 100% with sending this type of message to companies…as well as with your message of being a proactive and responsible parent within the confines of your family. However, to simply think “I’m gonna teach my kids right” but I have no responsibility to try to impact society or culture. That is being less than a responsible parent. And I hope that the majority also cares about the crumbling, decaying society and culture around them. Not caring past one’s own family – is how we got stuck with the worst President in American history. I’ll bet you and i are in “violent agreement” for the most part here…I hope so anyway.

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    • Kris,
      I hope your “Parent of the Year” award arrives in the mail soon. You are within your rights to make your comment. However, what you fail to consider is that Rev. Dolive was also within his. As a consumer he’s allowed to write an open letter to Victoria’s Secret and explain his objections to their product line. If you don’t appreciate his comment, don’t agree with it; but don’t lecture him on what he should do. It’s pretty clear he has an idea.
      So unless you are, indeed, the greatest parent in the world, please leave the preaching to him; after all, he is a professional.

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    • you can say im a child but i most definitely dont act like it. ive been told by many many adults i act more mature then a normal teen mom. well technically im not a teen mom yet i have 3 weeks left but close enough. ill be 18 in july. im still in school im still going to college and im doing everything i can without help from anybody. it wasnt planned but i wouldnt change it for the world.

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      • and i will tell my child what she can and cant do or what she can and cant wear. shell be home schooled so shes not gona know about sex for a while. this is just taking it to far for middle schoolers to be wearing thongs. its amazing the worlds changed so much since i was in middle school and that was only 6 years ago.

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  3. Girls need proper underwear younger and younger these days as they go through puberty earlier. (Always good to mention that underwire on developing breast tissue can damage it so bras for pubescent girls should not have it.) Having said that, going through puberty and becoming sexualised do NOT need to be the same thing. I am sure that VS and every other underwear shop could design a range of underwear which is attractive, feminine and ladylike without being overtly sexual. I am also sure that such a range would appeal to girls and parents alike and would SELL.
    Stress should be put on wearing underwear that is well-made, supportive and choosing the appropriate underwear for different outfits. Learning to buy underwear which makes you feel comfortable and attractive because it makes your outfit look better will allow growing girls to feel grown-up but has nothing to do with being seen nearly naked or being sexually active. Wearing good underwear should be taught as a tool to look and feel elegant and ladylike. Not slutty. Sluttiness does nothing to aid a girl’s self-confidence. Shame on all the parents- and shops- which promote it.

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  4. My daughter (12) and I really like the hoodies and tshirts in the PINK line. But I do not allow her to wear the panties. Maybe go with something a little more wholesome for the younger crowd. Keep the writing on the shirts:)

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  5. I do hope Victoria Secret does choose to pull this new “teen” line of underwear. It sexualizes girls in a time when they are most vulnerable. We all can choose not to buy it as that certainly is one strategy. However, girls still see this and, on some level, it still registers that this is ok. When I shop with my 15 year old, the shops are full of these sexy, inappropriate outfits for teen girls. You see so much of it that it becomes the norm. We need to get these stores to stop advertising sex to children!

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  6. I Love the name of the line “BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS” so do just that >>> EMPOWER our youth to be just that . I’m a mother of a beautiful, bright 26 year old daughter and proudly she has never been atttracted to the clothes with these silly logos. I agree with this father. Send the message that our young women are “Bright Young Things” and can do anything, Not just a plaything that tease our bright young men.

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  7. Dear Rev. Dolive, Well done for this letter to Victoria’s Secret! It seems nothing is sacred in the name of profit-making and greed. It seems that the highest value in US society, but not only there, is ‘getting ahead’ and amassing wealth, no matter the cost to anyone, or anything. Well done for speaking out. I am with you 100%.

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  8. You can only “train” your children so much… and I don’t like referring to mine as animals personally. The pull of society on our children is so incredibly strong. The pull of their peers is just as strong and unless you place your child in a bubble and keep them from all outside influences… there is no training. There is being there and promoting values and supporting them and being open and talking and not allowing certain clothing, movie, and book choices… and everything else that goes along but at the end of the day.. the older they get, the less influence you have on them. At the end of the day they want to look like and be like their peers. They see the magazines, commercials, TV shows and see how our society promotes sex and external beauty and they want to believe what they see. I am in total agreement with this day. I am raising 6 children in the ever so frightening world and it does take an army. It takes your family and your church and your school and your neighbors and Hollywood and companies like Victoria’s Secret to help shape and mold our children.. especially our girls. The value for independence and education and self worth in our daughters is alarmingly low and yes, I do blame society and commercialism. I will not buy products such as teen lingerie. I will not let my daughter wear short shorts. I have never told her to “put on the pretty dress for daddy”… because she should wear what makes HER happy.. or is appropriate to the occasion. WE decide which movies are appropriate for our kids.. and folks, PG is not what it used to be. WE read the books they want to read b/c we know that the more exposure a child has to the lax ideas of society the more they begin to think it’s ok. We are a faith filled practicing Catholic family. We do our best to teach and live our faith yet the example of society and peers seeps in little by little as they leave us little by little. Good for you dad for writing this letter and for at least voicing your CORRECT opinion about a company thats only interest is in making money and exploiting a highly vulnerable group of children to do so.

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    • You say it takes an army to shape our children, especially our girls! I happen to think it takes two, and by focusing on just our girls is still sending a message to our boys that women are sex objects. There would be no prostitution if there weren’t men looking to pay. What makes that OKAY? There would be no juvenile pornography if there wasn’t a market of men. Why do we allow porn for men? and instill values in only our women? Men need to be taught to value women. Sex only sells because men are taught it is OKAY to buy it. It starts in pictures at a young age and progresses from there.

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    • Children need to be taught – the word used in the Bible (in English) is “train”. It says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it when he is old”.
      I brought up 2 children and now have 4 grandchildren – 3 girls (19, 17, 12) and a boy (12). All were brought up to respect themselves and make decisions (with help from us as needed) on their own and according to our principles. Both older girls have boyfriends and would NEVER consider showing their underwear to them. They buy what they find comfortable and like, some even have sayings on them, but no one sees them except themselves and the person doing laundry (usually themselves).
      My thought is, that as a society, we put too much consideration on the subject of sex. Everything has a “sexual flavor” to it, even TV shows supposed to be for kids. They do grow up too fast! But we can teach them that all that is society and not reality. You don’t have to go through your whole life trying to “be sexy” or dress so people will look at your body instead of your face while talking to you. And, yes, I have t-shirts with sayings on them – mostly Bible verses or references – but that doesn’t mean we need to have young children wearing “sexy” sayings on their underwear and wearing thongs! Hey! If, as a society we are going in that direction, where are the same type of things for boys? Why is it only the girls that have to “prove” they are sexy? The whole thing is ridiculous and VS should THINK about the children and not just their bottom line (no pun intended).

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    • wow, I can not write it any better than Andrea, so i would simply like to echo and support what she wrote since that is how i feel also. i have two daughters and i will worry about the future for the next generation now. like Andrea says it takes an army and that includes grandparents too. children learn from all the world around them and even with the best of training ,support, encouragement and love to teach children self love,self respect and not just following society’s poor judgement and highly sexualized poor examples for young girls. Victoria secrets should be ashamed pushing such a trashy line of sleazy underwear for vulnerable young girls. Aren’t victoria secrets making enough money off adults . why does victoria secrets want to exploit and take advantage of such young girls , i know for victoria secret’s it is all about money and sales.They truly do not care one penny about young girls and they are proving to the world that money really is the root of all evil. Greed and Gluttony are victoria secret’s sins and one day all those promoting or working for this company will answer for exploiting children. Amen and God bless all those who are speaking out to teach our young girls that they are beautiful from the inside out and for who they are, not for what they wear.

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  9. As a mother of a two-year-old girl and and eight-month-old boy, I couldn’t agree more. As much as I want my daughter to grow up with confidence, I would not want her thinking she needs to portray herself as a sex object to do so! And I don’t want my son growing up with the distractions of other girls who do follow that line of thought! Have you thought about setting up a petition to get VS to delay (or cancel) the launch of the line? I have heard of success stories from such an action before, and I would gladly add my signature!

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  11. Well said Rev!! I am a young women and I consider myself classy. My mother would have never let me wear such tacky underwear and bras at the age VS wants!! I think a line of comfort underwear with pretty colors would be ok. Teach young ladies to wear underwear to fit their clothing and comfortable underwear for when they hit puberty. Nothing is more confusing then entering puberty…. then add a thong to it, NO!!! Be smart VS, stay classy and not trampy!!!

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    • You are so right about the comfusion of hitting puberty and throwing in a thong…no way! At that age when the are just entering puberty or are new at it, and want to seem more “mature”, there are some other important “basics” to learn. The majority of 10-12 year old students, “young ladies?”, still have not learn (taught by their parents), the basics of personal hygene, cleanliness and changing. Many teachers have looked at each other shaking their heads, even male teachers, – I dont think i need to go into detail. Wearing padded underwire bras, thongs and forgetting the basics, will never make an attractive classy young lady. And lastly, a thong and pad does not “look good” nor prevent some embarrasing things from happening. A line of comfortable and pretty underwear would be refreshing. Parents keep the comunication lines open. Talk to your daughters, and sons. Classy has never been trashy or trampy! Yes be smart VS!!

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  12. The last thing this world needs right now is a company sending a message that young girls should be sexy. With all of the sex trafficking going on, how can Victoria Secret even think of promoting/selling a product that will say to young girls that it’s okay to think of their bodies as sex objects.
    I buy bra’s and underwear from VS, but if they choose to bring this line out. I will no longer be purchasing anything from them.

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  13. I have 2 teenage daughters right now and they are too embarrassed to even walk into Victoria Secrets, ours is in the mall and all glass walled, you can’t hide when you shop there…. we have found a nice discreet store at another mall and love their options and quality…. even when my daughters go out shopping with their friends they don’t go into V.S. …. maybe it depends where you live, but in our small town only the “sluts” would wear such clothing and let anyone know they have it on, sounds like this is just another downward spiral of morality in this country…. I would say NO if my girls asked about buying this, but they wouldn’t ask and I do the laundry….if I saw it in there I would cut it up anyway so it’d be a moot point!

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    • my daughters are embarrassed as yours are, Deb, walking past VS in the mall. I applaud this father for taking the time to write this letter, shows how much he loves her. I have 4 daughters and try to teach them character, good morals, self respect. I realize that a time might come in their lives when they will rebel against my training but I pray that what values I have installed in them will remain with them. Returning to the values that they have been taught after they have tried experiencing the “other’ view of good vs bad. As an older mom I think back to the times in my life when I didn’t heed my parents advice…and wish I had listened as it would have saved me much pain. Being a parent is a difficult job so we need to encourage each other

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  15. As a mother of a 12 yr old girl I am also disgusted by such a campaign. We don’t allow it in our home. As far as I am concerned sexy undies are for my husbands eyes. Sadly, thanks to a 12 yr old boy in my life, I sadly know that it is for his eyes as well. His girlfriends mom purchased her some VS and she couldn’t wait to show it to him. We just went through a scare that this girl was pregnant. The boy turned to me, and the school called me when they got involved. What a scary situtation to find myself in, not to mention the kids parents. 12! I am not naive to what is out there but I certainly have a problem with marketing such adult things to kids. Let them be kids!

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    • I still do not understand a 12 yr old having an boyfriend, girlfriend. They are still kids! I have two lovely, mature, educated, daughters, who are 25 and 28, and they were not allowed, nor did they ever show interest in dating at that age. We allowed them to go “out” with groups of friend, around 14-15, and then dating starting at 16. Now that they are adults they have the same values, and seem almost stricter than I was, about these issues. They also feel the VS is for adults, not girls and young teens.

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  16. Well said sir. I love the way that you have taken this stand because of the great you love you have for your daughter. May God get the glory here.

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  17. I would urge VS to reconsider as well. They have branded them self as a sexy, sensual brand. We have decided as a culture that sex and sensuality with/as a young girl is against the fiber of our society. Developing a sensual line (no matter how “cutsie” or juvenile in color) marketed to young girls goes against our desire made obvious by law and attitude to protect our innocent (boys & girls) from these adult choices.

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  18. i agree with this guy. women are commeralized. cover it up get respect show it off get attention. that is what i teach all kids.

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  19. I totally agree with this father. I ask the CEO for VS to please reconsider this line aimed towards our youth. There may be money to made here, but must you make it this way? Why can’t you offer bra’s and underware that are beautiful, soft and precious just as our young girls are. Don’t incourage this bad girl attitude. Make the right choices for todays young women, they have plenty of time as adults to make their own sexy choices. Thanks for your time.

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  20. Thank you for writing this. I was not aware of this developement with Victoria Secret or I would have written the letter myself! Yes, as parents we are responsible to train our children to know what is right and wrong based on what we know to be true in the Bible. And I believe that whatever happens in our culture around us we can raise strong, confident, godly women (and men) who can make godly decisions despite what is going on around them. But what kind of message are we sending to our children if we stand by and say nothing as our culture targets our children with temptations that should be considered way beyond their years? To believe the lie that these undergarments are just innocent attempts to allow our young pre-teens to mimic an older generation or to say that companies like Victoria Secret are just giving this generation of middle schoolers what they are already asking for is a COP OUT and a sorry way to escape being accountable for the effects of their marketing our young teens. Our culture’s hunger for profit has overridden their judgement and concern for the well-being of not only our children, but the future of our society.
    Please Victoria Secret, come up with a product for our pre-teens. But do so with the image in mind of that middle schooler in the future as a confident, healthy, contributing adult who is sure of herself because of her accomplishments, her strengths, and her past positive decisions…not because she has been encouraged to please others at all costs for the sake of being accepted. Then watch your profits rise as parents all over America sing your praises for standing up for the well being of our children.

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  21. I shudder at the marketing campaign and print ads this line will go with. That’s what’s worrying… not just the buying of this stuff. But all that VS will put out in media with its millions of marketing dollars.

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  22. I’m 24 years old and have a 7 month old son. As a woman who was once a teenage girl and who may very well have a daughter of my own one day, I wholeheartedly agree. Sure, parents buy their child’s clothes when they’re younger but once the teenage years hit, kids, especially teenage girls, choose their own clothes. Going to the mall with your girlfriends is one of the most popular ways to hang out and for a company as large and as well-known as VS, it is pretty much guaranteed that the new line will be a fashion staple for many young girls. It isn’t just about teaching your child about what they should and shouldn’t wear. There’s peer pressure and the feeling of wanting to wear what’s “cool”. As a society with so many teen parents, abortions by young mothers unready to take on motherhood and the age of sexual activity decreasing constantly, why on earth would we create yet another way for our teenagers to be told it’s OK. Another way for them to dress sexually and provocatively. VS has the ability to create a great fashion line for young girls but there is no reason for it to include thongs with sexual statements on them. Clearly they’re created with the assumption that a counterpart will see them and find them “sexy”. It’s unnecessary. Why not create a more conservative line with bright colors and patterns that will be equally as engaging and become just as popular, without the sexual innuendo. If you must have writing on your panties (though who in the world is going to read them), why not a college (UMD, UT, etc.). Hey if you’re gonna show off your undergoods at least promote higher education. Yes parents are the first place to put a stop to things like this, but as most parents and even adults who were previously teenagers should know, at that age fitting in trumps anything parent-related. It’s up to companies to help turn around the coming generations from being so sexually-focused.

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  23. There’s an historical context to the phrase “Bright Young Things” that’s also a bit disquieting. The “Bright Young Things” were the generation of British young people who came of age in the 1920s — too young to have fought in the Great War but old enough to have had a childhood marked by the loss and privation of that conflict. (They’re somewhat analogous to the “flappers” of 1920s America.) The Bright Young Things were characterized by a generally flippant attitude to life and fairly decadent behavior: drinking to excess, smoking, sleeping around, driving recklessly. Evelyn Waugh satirized them and the hedonistic culture that surrounded them in several of his books.

    Not well done, VS. Plus the fact that those undergarments will likely be made in sweatshops overseas by child laborers…

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  24. Good Job, Reverend! Thank You for taking a stand for parents who feel the same way! We have to do all we can to protect our young girls… the world is scary enough already…

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  25. Pingback: A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father | Seasoned with Life

  26. Have you noticed that on these comments only one woman and the men objected to the Rev.’s post? Well said Reverend.

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  27. I’d like to see more men/fathers giving their perspectives on this. So far the majority have been women and I must say I’m less than impressed by many of their comments.

    I am a new mother to a little girl and I can say when the time comes, she will not be wearing undergarments by Victoria Secret or any other brand that promotes sexuality. Someone in an earlier post stated they thought wearing
    sexy undergarments as a young girl is acceptable and should even be encouraged if it promotes good self esteem… I’m sorry, if any girl has to wear sexy underwear to have positive self esteem, than I think there are deeper issues at hand than what we are discussing here. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the main reason for wearing sexy underwear to show it off for someone else? I don’t think I’ve ever worn something sexy without the desire to be seen in it by my husband.

    It may have been the same person who also mentioned that if a person looks at undergarments and things like bathing suits and immediately thinks sex, that they are objectifying women… BREASTS AND VAGINAS ARE SEXUAL ORGANS, of course people, especially men will think sex!
    Not to mention men are visually and sexually driven, that’s how they were
    created.

    For me, the issue here is not just the acceptability of wearing sexy undergarments as a child, but moreso the message it sends to them about their bodies and how they are supposed to be viewed and accepted. In the right context, wearing these kinds of undergarments is acceptable and good, like as an adult woman, for your husband…but for children with still developing and very impressionable minds, this is not permissible…!

    If you want to wear

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    • Stephanie, you make good points and I agreed with most of what you had to say up until you made the claim that vreasts and vaginas are sexual organs. Breasts are not “sexual organs”, breasts are made to FEED an infant. This is the type of thinking that causes so many issues for breast feeding mothers.

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      • actually they are a sexual organ. im a breast feeding mother if they werent a sexual organ then why should girls have to cover them up. exactly.

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      • Ashley, I am a breastfeeding mother, breasts are a wonderful and natural form of nourishment for infants, but they are also a sexual part of the body. And what I think causes so many issues for breastfeeding mothers more than anything are over-opinionated and over-liberated women who are a huge turn off to the rest of us.

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  28. Anyone who thinks this is ok is ignorant! It’s not just words! It is strong suggestion in the wrong direction for young girls! That age is the time when they are most likely to fall to suggestion, or peer pressure, or thinking that they can only make a boy like them by doing things they normally wouldn’t.
    I think this is a very distasteful idea by this company. They should be empowering these girls, not designing underwear with sexual slogans!
    I have a son, but I still find this to be very much a slap in the face to parents who are trying to raise their girls to be young ladies with self respect, and self worth that do not depend on whether someone thinks their underwear is hot! If it is directed to MINOR CHILDREN, nothing about it needs to be SEXY! Hello?! What’s wrong with people?!

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  29. While I agree that much of what our society does sexualizes young girls(padded bikinis for 6 year olds, why?!) I don’t agree that Victoria’s Secret should pull this line. Girls viewing themselves as a sex object will not come from underwear or the media or anywhere else but THE FAMILY. I’ve been shopping at VS Pink since I was about 13 it has never been an issue in my family. My mother had a talk with me about how the fact that I was wearing pretty underwear with cute patterns or funny slogans or a nice bra did not mean that I was a slut and had to go around showing that to all boys. I never felt like a sex object or pressured to have sex and I didn’t have sex until I was ready to make a mature consenting decision. To me the underwear was about feeling good because I knew I was wearing something pretty under my clothes. Surprise parents, if your child wants to wear items from this line, why not sit down and have a frank talk about it? And maybe throw in some info about safe sex as well? Like I said, been wearing VS since I was 13, got straight a’s in high school, about to graduate from and Ivy League university.

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  31. Some mom’s will make any excuse for there little girl to dress sexy. If you want to get a head in life you must make yourself look sexy for men right? That’s the wrong message. It doesn’t matter if you are the only one who see’s your underwear. That’s not the point. It’s the underlying message it sends to a girl who hasn’t even hit puberty yet.

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  32. I have to say I agree. I think it is ridiculous to push sexy undergarments for 12-14 year olds. However, as the mother of a 15 year old daughter (who was not interested in push up bras or thongs until she turned 14), I pick my battles. If my daughter wants to be uncomfortable with a thong up her rear all day because she wears yoga pants and doesn’t want “underwear lines”, then oh well. I let her wear matching “pretty” undergarments because she always dresses appropriate for a 15 year old on the outside. She knows the difference between pretty and slutty and usually has a comment or two about the inappropriate outfits. On the other hand, I feel awful for middle school aged kids (boys and girls). Peer pressure started the day my kids began 6th grade (11 years old)! My son wore briefs one time to school and never again because the other 6th grade boys in the locker room made fun of him. As parents, we want our kids to fit in and not feel different and it is such a hard thing to watch your child feel like he (she) is a nerd because of what other kids say about their clothes (or underwear). Teach the difference between appropriate and inappropriate and try to teach kids to stay away from negative peer pressure. It is HARD being the parent of a pre-teen and teenager, but we are the ones who have to continue to instill good values. Writing on the butt draws attention and it is not cute. Stop buying and they will stop making those garments.

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  33. I think a lot of fathers can relate to this man’s fears. But i have to be honest when i say I completely understand both sides.

    I am not a parent yet, I’m just a 22 year old college student. However, I purchase Victoria’s Secret products quite often. Why? It may sound strange to fathers, or men in general..but when women look good, they feel better about themselves in general. And yes..when I say “look good” i mean from sexy matching bra and panties, to a sexy outfit for the day! Regardless of age! For me, my matching, sexy undergarments have nothing to do with sex or attention..I feel better when I know I look good underneath all my clothes. And while that may sounds pathetic to most men, I would assume that most women would agree with me. It’s a mentality! I see no problem with promoting cute undies to middle schoolers.

    However! I don’t think they should have sexual innuendo sayings on them, such as “feeling lucky?” They should say things like , “you are beautiful”, “have a good day gorgeous”, “smile”, etc.

    Promote self confidence!

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  34. I agree! Why not take a different approach, why words at all? This is a time when girls need to feel good about themselves. How about something that strengthens their self confidence. Thank you for this letter what an eye opener!

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  35. We already have such a large number of teen moms that I believe this will just make the number skyrocket. No matter how much we try to teach our young, (be it girl or boy) they will do things we don’t approve of. I am by no means judging those who have babies at young ages either. Things happen, and you make the best of it. But as a society we need to make our voices known and try to stop the exploitation of our young people. This is just ridiculous and I hope V.S. will think hard before going forward with this line of clothing. Good going to this dad who sees into the future of his little girl. 🙂

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  36. Social values are being erroded every day from magazines, ads on the internet and absorbed by impressionable young people. The video industry driven by female performers shown in scanty clothing has become all too common. Young minds are translating this into the norm not equating it with what it is a “show outfit.”

    Women fought long and hard to first be recognized as persons, then the right to vote, the right to be employed after marriage. Modesty is a quickly becoming a thing of the past, breasts are shown as a fashion statement and hemlines are so high up the leg one wonders, what are they thinking? I love fashion, but do not endorse clothing that sends the message that women are just sex objects! Clothing should be used to send the right message and not a sexual invitation for young impressionsable adolescents.

    Victora’s secret should keep her line of underwear, lingere and casual clothing with a focus on decency. Bedroom wear should not be considered for street wear. Mystery and tease items should be deemed for private lives not street wear.

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  38. I agree with this father – and as a single mother of two teenage boys the best I can do in the face of the idiocy of VS is teach them to respect themselves and every woman, whether the woman or young girl chooses to respect herself or not.

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  39. It’s just that they want to make more PROFIT, MONEY for themselves and your values or daughter mean nothing to them. It’s called expanding their market. Eventually when someone’s daughter is born, rather than wrap her in a warm blanket, they will have a sexy line of bra and panties to prepare her for adulthood I’m sure. As with any business these days, they can do what ever they want and justify it by saying, that’s why companies are in business, to make money!

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  40. I believe you can teach your children well the differences between cheapening themselves into believing they are a commodity based on media and their friends who are buying into the media promotions. With a good foundation it can help at home but realistically, it takes a lot of prayer and hope that they can endure the temptations of life set before them. We are not billboards but human beings created in God’s own image to respect our bodies and be strong enough to avoid the pitfalls of temptations such as these. Many children in elementary school are experimenting with sex and on through middle school as well as high school. It is as though remaining pure and focusing on what is important in life rather than what others are doing is wrong. The path may be rocky but remaining firmly on the path can get you through with fewer holes in your heart and without a heart of stone.

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  41. I think its being done in the wrong taste. They should at least redirect the wording. Regardless of how you raise your child they will still be their own person. But that shouldn’t turn a well known adult, lingerie store to explore new customers in children with underwear that say wild on them.

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  42. you have to vote with your wallet! don’t like what vs is doing (and i don’t), don’t shop there. don’t like chik-fil-a’s moral outlook, don’t buy their food. if enough people put (or don’t put) their money where their mouth is, businesses will have to listen to keep their customers.

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  43. VS has become a lifestyle more than just a store. It’s the same way Apple has become a status symbol instead of a series of products. There is responsibility in products and advertising. It’s not all about the consumer saying yes and no.

    These are impressionable years they are targeting. Shame on them. We try to teach abstinence until their minds and bodies are ready for what comes with sex, but VS wants to make a lace thong that says “call me”? Talk about mixed messages from adults. To whom will they listen?

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  44. Pingback: A Letter to Victoria’s Secret From a Father | laura.g.ashley

  45. As a father of a wonderful, stable and happy daughter I agree with your well written post. These companies are preying on these young girls for one reason, profit. It is our jobs as parents to say NO and you have done a good job at that. It is also our job to say No at home and not allow our young girls to but into this type of thing by letting them know how great they are as people not as sex objects.

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  46. Ok so I have a 23 yr old daughter, 20 yr old son, and a 13 yr old 7th grade daughter. My 23 yr old would buy this type of clothing and has bought this type of under garments from other stores as they have been sold for years already. And for her age, it’s acceptable. My 13 yr old however has been brought up to respect herself and her age. She will not wear or walk into a store of this nature. It is inappropriate for her and she will gladly tell you. We talk about it and have discussed what is “gross” and how teens are practically giving it away walking around the way they dress. I’ve taught her to dress classy and with style. It is up to the parents who buy the clothes and to get rid of the inappropriate things that turn up in the laundry. You see what your children are wearing, don’t look the other way.

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  47. Ok so I’ve been reading through these comments. I’m a single father of 2 kids a 12 yr old girl and an 8 yr old boy. I agree that we need to be parents and show our kids the right way. And I believe that my daughter will never wear such disrespectful clothing. But, VS is wrong for even considering such a thing. It’s hard enough being a good parent and instil morals and values with the way things are now. To launch a line of underwear for little girls that’s meant to be seen by others, or to even have them think and look at themselves In such a way is appalling. Any person parent or not should have a phyc eval. You may have some deep seeded problems, that would explain the number of pedifilers this country has! Please please VS don’t consider such a thing. If there is a petition for this we need to get it out ASAP!

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  48. THANK YOU!!!! I see this sort of thing in the media, movies, commercials, ads in paper etc. I have called Victoria secrets and told them if they sent one more ad to my house there was going to be legal action. I had not only two teen daughters but a teen son and felt the catalog was pornagraphic in nature!
    You said what you had to say in a very tasteful manner. Kudos!

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  49. When my daughters were little, the only words on their underwear were Sunday, Monday, etc. My husband and I through the years have made sure that our daughters AND sons knew what we expected of them concerning the clothes they wore. I watched as the trends changed and little girls began wearing skimpier and sexier clothing. We instilled strong morals in our children that helped define who they are and even though they, at times, would beg for some new fad, we kept a tight rein on what was appropriate and what wasn’t.

    This father is just asking that the industry that pushes things with sexual connotations on young girls to rethink what they are doing. To step back and see that by the use of such words as WILD, FEELING LUCKY?, and CALL ME are things more in line with prostitution, etc. We as a society are stealing the innocence from our children, selling the virginity of our young girls, and in general, advocating a base lifestyle for future generations. There is nothing wrong with asking clothing lines, etc to consider a parent’s veiwpoint. Though, I doubt they really care.

    I do agree that parents need to be strong in how they raise their children if they don’t want wild and out of control teens. That’s not saying it won’t happen, but it will definitely curtail some very bad behavior and choices. The rearing of children needs to be done with love, but with firmness also.

    I am now a grandmother and I see the things that are out there in the children’s clothing lines. Thank the Lord that my son and daughter-in-law talk openly with their girls about why they don’t want them wearing certain things. They do talk to them age-appropriately about sexual things that are written on some things and why they shouldn’t be protraying themselves with these written messages.

    Parents, please CARE about the things your little girls, and boys wear. You don’t want that to define your child.

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  50. Bright young things?! Is objective of women and young ladies! This is maddening!
    Yes we are responsible for our children but things like this make releasing them into the world scary!
    Thank you for writing your letter and I hope Victoria Secret Stops and Thinks about putting People before Profit!

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